BAD  BOY 

wim  the  emeus 


ffll!ffl.m)W  PECK 


SANDItftg 


PS 
3 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 
WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


/ 


Pa  Kept  Mauling  the  Lion. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 
WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


BY  HON.  GEO.  W.. PECK 

Author  of  Peck's  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa,  Peck's  Bad  Boy  Abroad. 

Peck's  Uncle  Ike  and  the  Red  Headed  Boy, 

Etc.,  Etc. 


Relating  the  experiences  of  the  Bad  Boy  and  his  Dad  during 
their  travels  with  a  Circus.     The  Bad  Boy  gets  his  Dad 
in  hot  water  in  every  conceivable  way,  and  plays  jokes 
and  pranks  on  everyone,  from  the  Clown  to  the 
Manager,  and  from  the  Monkey  to  the 
Elephant.  Rip-roaring,  side-split- 
ting fun  from  beginning  to  end. 


" 


ILLUSTRATED  BY  C.  FRINK 


CHARLES  C  THOMPSON  CO. 
CHICAGO 


Copyright  1905,  by 
JOSEPH  B.  BOWLES 


Copyright  1906,  by 
THOMPSON  &  THOMAS 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 
The  Bad  Boy  Begins  a  Diary — Dad  Has  Become  Manager  for 
a  Circus — The  Bad  Boy  Expects  to  Curry  the  Hyena  and 
Do  Stunts  on  the  Trapeze— Ma  Says  Pa  Will  Ogle  the 
Circassian  Beauty — Pa  Buys  Some  Circus  Clothes  and  Lets 
His  Whiskers  Grow. 

CHAPTER  II. 
The  Bad  Boy  Visits  the  Circus  in  Winter  Quarters — He  Meets 
the  Circus  Performers — Dad  Rides  a  Horse  and  Gets  Tossed 
in  a  Blanket— The  Bad  Boy  Goes  "Kangarooing"— Pa's 
Clothes  Cause  Excitement  Among  the  Animals — A  Monkey 
Steals   His   Watch. 

CHAPTER   III. 
Pa  Reproves  the  Fat  Woman   for  Losing  Flesh — The  Bearded 
Lady  Faints  in   Pa's   Arms — The  Bad   Boy   Introduced   Into 
Animal   Society — They   Pull   the   Boa   Constrictor's  Ulcerated 
Tooth. 

CHAPTER  IV. 
Pa   Finds   the  Fat  Lady  a   Burden— The   Bad  Boy  Makes   His 
First  Public  Appearance— He  Talks  Politics  with  the  Midget 
— Pa  Meets  with  Numerous  Accidents. 

CHAPTER  V. 
The  Rogue  Elephant  Creates  a   Panic  and  Pa  Proves  Himself 
a   Hero— The   Bad   Boy   Gets    Scolded   for   "Being  Tough"— 
He  Finds  that  Audiences  Like  Accidents. 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  VI. 

The  Bad  Boy  Puts  Fly-Paper  in  the  Bob  Cat's  Cage— The 
Bob  Cat  Causes  a  Panic  in  the  Main  Tent — The  Midget 
Quarrels  with  the  Giant — Pa  is  Almost  Arrested  for  Kid- 
naping and  the  Oistrich  Swallows  His  Diamond  Stud. 

CHAPTER  VII. 

The  Circus  Has  a  Yellow  Fever  Scare — The  Bad  Boy  and  His 
Dad  Dress  Up  as  Hottentots — Pa  Takes  a  Mustard  Bath  and 
Attends  a   Revival   Meeting. 

CHAPTER   VIII. 

Pa  Takes  the  Place  of  the  Fat  Woman  with  Disastrous  Results 
— A  Kentucky  Colonel  Causes  a  Row — Pa  Tries  to  Roar 
Like  a  Lion  and  the  Rhinoceros  Objects — Pa  Plays  the 
Slot-Machine  and  Gets  the  Worst  of  It. 

CHAPTER   IX. 

The  Bad  Boy  Feeds  Cayenne  Pepper  to  the  Sacred  Cow — He 
and  His  Pa  Ride  in  a  Circus  Parade  With  the  Circassian 
Beauties — A  Tipsy  Elephant  Lands  Them  in  a  Public  Fount- 
ain— Pa  Makes  the  Acquaintance  of  John  L.  Sullivan. 

CHAPTER  X. 

The  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa  Drive  a  Roman  Chariot — They  Win 
the  Race,  but  Meet  With  Difficulties— The  Bearded  Lady 
to  the  Rescue — A  Farmer's  Cart  Breaks  Up  the  Circus 
Procession. 

CHAPTER  XI. 

The  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa  in  a  Railroad  Wreck — Pa  Rescues 
the  "Other  Freaks" — They  Spend  the  Night  on  a  Meadow — 
A  Near-Sighted  Claim  Agent  Settles  for  Damages — Pa 
Plays  Deaf  and  Dumb  and  Gets  Ten  Thousand. 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  XII. 

The  Bad  Boy  Causes  Trouble  Between  the  Russian  Cossacks 
and  the  Jap  Jugglers— A  Jap  Tight-Rope  Walker  Jiu  Jitsu's 
Pa— The  Animals  Go  on  a  Strike— Pa  Runs  the  Menagerie 
for  a  Day  and  Wins  Their  Gratitude. 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

The  Circus  Strikes  the  Quaker  City— They  Go  on  a  Ginger 
Ale  Jag — Pa  Breaks  Up  an  Indian  War  Dance  and  Comes 
Near  Being  Burned  Alive— The  World's  Fair  Cannibals 
Have  a  Roast  Dog  Feast. 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

A  Newport  Monk  Is  Added  to  the  Show— The  Boy  Teaches 
Him  Some  "Manly  Tricks"— The  Tent  Blows  Down  and 
a  Panic  Follows— Pa  Manages  the  Animal  Act  Which  Ends 
in  a   Novel  Manner. 

CHAPTER  XV. 

The  Bad  Boy  Feeds  the  Menagerie  Scotch  Snuff— Pa  Gets 
Mauled  by  the  Sneezing  Animals — Pa  Takes  a  Midnight  Ride 
on  a  Mule  to  Escape  Punishment. 

CHAPTER    XVI. 

A  Senator's  Son  Bets  the  Bad  Boy  That  Elephants  Are  Cowards 
—They  Let  a  Bag  of  Rats  Loose  at  the  Afternoon  Perform- 
ance— The  Elephants  Stampede,  Pa  Fractures  a  Rib  and 
General    Pandemonium    Reigns. 

CHAPTER   XVII. 

The  Bad  Boy  and  the  Senator's  Son  Go  on  an  Elephant  Chase 
— The  Senator's  Son  Gets  His  Friend  a  Bid  to  Dinner  at 
the  White  House — The  Trained  Seal  Swallows  an  Alarm 
Clock. 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

The  Show  Strikes  Virginia  and  the  Educated  Ourang  Outang 
Has  the  Whooping  Cough — The  Bad  Boy  Plays  the  Part  of 
a  Monkey,  but  They  Forget  to   Pin  on  a  Tail. 

CHAPTER  XIX. 
The  Cireus  People  Visit  a  Southern  Plantation — Pa,  the  Giant 
and  the  Fat  Woman  Are  Chased  by  Bloodhounds — The  Bad 
Boy  "Runs  the  Gauntlet." 

CHAPTER  XX. 

The  Bad  Boy  Goes  After  a  Mess  of  White  Turnips  for  the 
Menagerie — He  Feeds  the  Animals  Horseradish,  but  Gets  the 
Worst  of  the  Deal. 

CHAPTER  XXI. 

The  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa  Inject  a  Little  Politics  Into  the 
Show — Rival  Bands  of  Atlanta  Citizens  Meet  in  the  Circus 
Tent — A  Bunch  of  Angry  Hornets  Causes  Much  Bitter 
Feeling. 

CHAPTER    XXII. 

The  Show  Does  Poor  Business  in  the  South — Pa  Side.  Tracks 
a  Circus  Car  Filled  with  Creditors — A  Performance  Given 
"For  the  Poor,"  Fills  the  Treasury— A  Wild  West  Man  Bun- 
coes  the    Show. 

CHAPTER   XXIII. 

The  Circus  Has  Bad  Luck  in  Indian  Territory — A  Herd  of 
Animate  Turned  Out  to  Graze  Is  Stampeded  by  Indians — 
They  Go  Dashing  Over  the  Plains,  and  the  Circus  Tent 
Follows,  Picked  Up  by  a  Cyclone. 

CHAPTER   XXIV. 

Pa  Is  Sent  to  a  Hospital  to  Recuperate — The  Bad  Boy  Dis- 
courages Other  Boys  from  Running  Away  with  the  Circus 
— He  Makes  Them  Water  the  Camels,  Curry  the  Hyenas 
and  Put  Insect  Powder  en  the  Buffaloes. 

8 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

Pa  Breaks  in  the  Zebras  and  Drives  a  Six-in-Hand  Team  in 
the  Parade— The  Freaks  Have  a  Narrow  Escape  fr©m  Drown- 
ing. 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 

The  Rings  Are  So  Muddy  the  Performers  Have  to  Wear  Rub- 
ber Boots— The  Freaks  Present  Pa  with  a  Big  Heart  of 
Roses— The  Show  Closes  and  the  Bad  Boy  Starts  West  with 
His  Pa  in  Search  of  Attractions  for  the  Coming  Season. 


ILLUSTRATIONS. 


Pa  Kept  Mauling  the  Lion. 

And  Pa  Swatted  Her  on  the  Back. 

The  Sacred  Cow  Chased  Ma  Up  the  Church  Stairs. 

Was   Suspended   in   the  Air. 

A  Leopard  Reached  Out  His  Paw  and  Gathered  in  the  Tail  of 

Pa's  Coat. 
I  Will  Hold  You  Responsible  for  This ! 
They  Had  to  Turn  the  Hose  on  Pa. 

They  Threw  Boiled  Potatoes  and  Scrambled  Eggs  at  Pa. 
She  Kicked  Pa's  Hat  Off. 
Bolivar   Took   Half   a   Watermelon   and    Put   the   Red    Side   on 

Top  of  Pa's  Head. 
Pa    Turned    the    Cock    of    the    Extinguisher    and    Pointed    the 

Nozzle  at  Bolivar's  Head. 
The  Bob  Cat  Struck  Pa  on  the  Back. 
The  Man  Tackled  Pa. 
The    Doctor    Said    It    Was    an    Unmistakable    Case    of    Yellow 

Fever. 
After  Scratching  His  Head  a  Minute,  Ike  Turned  and  Walked 

Toward  the  Preacher. 
I  Punctured  Pa's  Tires. 
Chased  by  Police. 

The   Elephant  Kept   Ducking   Pa  and   Swabbing  Out  the  Bot- 
tom of  the  Fountain. 
John  L.  Slatted  Pa  Just  as  Though  He  Was  a  Child. 
Her   Cart,    Team   and    All,    Were   Thrown   Right   Against   the 

Band. 
Pa  Struck  on  His  Head  Against  a  Wagon  Wheel. 
Pa  Got  an  Ax  and  Cut  the  Fat  Woman  Out. 

II 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

What  Hit  Him?     That's  the  Worst  Case  I  Ever  Saw! 

Gee,  but  Didn't  That  Russian  Talk  Kopec  and  Damski. 

O,  but  the  Jap  Didn't  Do  a  Thing  to  Pa ! 

The    Indians   Tied    Pa   to   a    Tree   and    Began    to    Pile    Sticks 

Around  Him. 
The  Fat  Woman  Jabbed  Pa  with  Her  Parasol. 
When  She  Saw  the  Baboon  She  Yelled  Fire. 
The  Lion  Sneezed  and  Blew  Pa  Clear  Across  the  Tent. 
Pa  Rode  Out  of  Town  and  Rode  All  Night. 
Bolivar  Swatted  Pa  Clear  Across  the  Ring. 
Pa,  Do  Not  Fear. 
We  Met  Some  Farmers. 

Old  Gentleman,  You  Ought  to  Come  Down  Off  Your  Perch. 
The  Keeper  Who  Trained  the  Ourangoutang  Took  Me  in  Hand. 
He  Hit  Me  Right  in  the  Eye. 

Here,  Mr.  Confederate,  I  Am  not  a  Union  Prisoner. 
I  Yelled  Murder  and  Ran  Between  the  Giant's  Legs. 
The  Camel  Kicked  an  Arab  Off  a  Rug. 
Pa  Tasted  of  It. 

He  Hit  Pa  Over  the  Head  with  His  Chinese  Lantern. 
They  Stampeded  Like  They  Never  Met  a  Hornet  Before. 
The  Sacred  Cow  Chased  Pa  Up  into  the  Rafters  of  the  Car. 
The  Pony  Was  Off  Like  a  Rabbit. 
The  Boss  Canvasman  Went  into  a  Cactus. 
Dad  Was  Only  Hitting  the  High  Places. 
The  Bull  Tossed  the  Boy  Through  the  Tent. 
Pa  Jumped  Like  a  Box  Car. 

There  Never  Was  Such  a  Runaway  Since  the  Days  of  Ben  Hur. 
The  Zebras  Turned   Short  and  Tipped  the  Tally-ho  Over  into 

the  Water. 
I  Will  Search  for  the  Wildest  of  Red  Men. 
They  Tossed  Pa  Up  in  the  Blanket. 


12 


Peck's  Bad  Boy  With  the  Circus. 


CHAPTER  I. 

The  Bad  Boy  Begins  a  Diary — Dad  Has  Be- 
come Manager  for  a  Circus — The  Bad  Boy 
Expects  to  Curry  the  Hyena  and  Do  Stunts 
on  the  Trapeze — Ma  Says  Pa  Will  Ogle  the 
Circassian  Beauty — Pa  Buys  Some  Circus 
Clothes  and  Lets  His  Whiskers  Grow. 

April  10,  19.  . — I  never  thought  it  would 
come  to  this,  that  I  should  keep  a  diary,  be- 
cause I  am  not  a  good  little  boy.  Nobody 
ever  keeps  a  diary  except  a  boy  that  wants  to 
be  an  angel,  and  with  the  angels  stand,  or  a 
girl  that  is  in  love,  or  an  old  maid  that  can't 
catch  a  man  unless  she  writes  down  her  emo- 
tions and  leaves  them  around  so  some  man 
will  read  them,  and  swallow  the  bait  and  not 
feel  the  hook  in  his  gills,  or  a  truly  good  bank 
cashier  who  teaches  Sunday  school,  and  skips 
out  for  Canada  some  Saturday  night,  after  the 
bank  closes,  and   on    Monday   morning   they 

15 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

find  the  combination  of  the  lock  on  the  safe 
changed,  and  when  they  hire  a  reformed  bur- 
glar to  open  the  lock  the  money  is  all  gone 
with  the  cashier.  Those  are  the  only  people 
that  ever  kept  a  successful  diary. 

But  I  had  to  promise  ma  that  I  would  keep 
a  diary,  so  she  could  read  it,  or  I  never  could 
have  got  her  consent  for  me  to  go  with  pa  on 
the  road  with  a  circus.  All  ma  asks  of  me  is 
to  tell  the  truth  about  everything  that  hap- 
pens to  me  and  to  pa  during  the  whole  sum- 
mer, and  I  have  consented,  and  I  can  see  my 
finish,  and  pa's  finish  and  ma's  finish,  and  the 
finish  of  the  circus  that  is  going  to  take  us 
along. 

Gee,  but  we  have  had  a  hot  time  at  our 
house  since  pa  and  I  got  back  from  our  trip 
abroad.  I  brought  pa  back  in  better  health 
than  he  was  when  he  went  away,  but  he  has 
got  so  accustomed  to  excitement  that  I  knew 
something  would  be  doing  pretty  soon,  so  I 
was  not  surprised  when  he  told  us  at  the 
breakfast  table  that  he  supposed  he  should 
have  to  go  and  travel  with  a  circus  this  sum- 
mer. 

Ma  looked  at  pa  as  though  she  wanted  to 
call  the  police  and  an  ambulance  to  take  him 

16 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

to  the  emergency  hospital.  He  looked  at  ma 
and  at  me,  speared  another  waffle,  and  said: 
"I  know  you  will  think  I  am  nutty,  but  for 
almost  ten  years  I  have  had  a  block  of  stock  in 
a  circus  and  menagerie.  I  went  into  it  to  help 
some  young  circus  fellows,  and  put  up  quite  a 
bunch  of  money,  because  they  were  honest 
and  poor,  and  for  a  few  years  things  went 
wrong,  and  I  thought  my  money  was  gone, 
but  for  the  last  six  years  the  circus  has  paid 
dividends  bigger  than  Standard  Oil,  and  to- 
day it  stands  away  up  among  the  financial  suc- 
cesses, and  the  dividends  on  my  circus  stock 
is  better  than  any  bank  stock  I  have  got,  and 
it  comes  just  like  finding  money.  The  com- 
pany decided  at  its  annual  meeting  to  invite 
me  to  take  the  position  of  one  of  the  man- 
agers, and  I  shall  soon  go  to  the  winter  quar- 
ters of  the  show,  to  arrange  to  put  it  on  the 
road  about  the  ist  of  May.  Now  any  remarks 
may  be  made,  pro  or  con,  in  regard  to  my  san- 
ity, see?" 

Well,  ma  swallowed  something  crosswise 
down  her  Sunday  throat,  and  choked,  and  pa 
swatted  her  on  the  back  so  she  would  cough 
it  up,  and  when  she  could  speak  she  said:  "Pa, 
do  you  have  to  wear  tights,  and  jump  through 

17 


Pa  Swatted  Her  on  the  Back. 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

hoops  on  the  back  of  a  horse,  and  cut  up  di- 
does, at  your  time  of  life?  For  if  you  do  I  can 
never  live  to  witness  any  such  performances." 

Pa  was  calm,  and  did  not  fly  off  the  handle, 
but  he  just  said,  kindly:  "Mother,  you  have 
vague  ideas  of  the  duties  of  the  owners  of  a 
circus.  The  owners  hire  performers  to  do 
stunts,  and  break  their  necks,  while  we  man- 
age them  and  take  in  the  shekels  from  the 
Reubens  who  come  into  town  on  circus  day. 
We  proprietors  touch  the  button,  and  the  act- 
ors and  animals  do  the  rest.  I  shall  be  a  di- 
rector who  directs,  a  man  who  sets  a  dignified 
and  pious  example  to  the  men  and  women  who 
adorn  the  profession,  coming  as  they  do  from 
all  climes,  and  your  pa  will  be  the  guide,  phil- 
osopher and  friend  of  all  who  belong  to  the 
grandest  aggregation  of  talent  ever  gathered 
under  one  canvas,  at  one  price  of  admission, 
and  do  not  fail  to  witness  the  concert  which 
will  be  given  under  this  canvas  after  the  main 
performance  is  over." 

Ma  looked  at  pa  pretty  savage,  and  said: 
"O,  I  see,  you  are  going  to  be  ringmaster,  but 
what  is  to  become  of  Hennery  and  me  while 
you  are  cracking  your  whip  around  the  hind 

19 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

legs  of  the  fat  woman,  and  ogling  the  Circas- 
sian beauty?" 

Pa  put  his  hand  on  my  head  and  said: 
"Mother,  Hennery  will  go  with  me,  to  see 
that  I  do  not  get  into  any  trouble  as  a  circus 
financier  and  general  manager  of  the  mena- 
gerie and  Wild  West  aggregation,  and  hippo- 
drome, in  the  great  three-ring  circus,  and  you 
can  stay  home  and  give  us  absent  treatment 
for  what  ails  us,  and  pack  the  money  I  shall 
send  you  in  bales  with  a  hay  press,  and  put  it 
in  cold  storage  till  we  come  back  in  the  fall.  It 
is  settled,  we  go  to  conquer,  and  the  world  will 
lay  at  our  feet  before  the  middle  of  August, 
and  you  will  be  a  proud  woman  to  own  a  hus- 
band who  will  be  pointed  at  as  the  most  suc- 
cessful amusement  purveyor  the  world  has 
ever  witnessed,  and  a  son  who  will  start  in  at 
the  bottom  round  of  the  circus  ladder  and  rise, 
step  by  step,  until  he  will  stand  beside  the 
great  Barnum." 

Ma  thought  seriously  for  a  few  minutes, 
and  then  she  said:  "O,  pa,  if  it  was  anything 
but  the  circus  business  you  and  Hennery  went 
into,  like  selling  soap  or  being  a  bank  default- 
er, or  something  respectable,  I  could  look  the 
neighbors  in  the  face,  but  of  course  if  there  is 

20 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

money  in  it,  and  you  feel  that  the  good  Lord 
has  called  you  to  the  circus  field,  and  you  will 
see  that  Hennery  does  not  stay  out  nights, 
and  Hennery  will  promise  to  see  that  you  put 
on  a  clean  collar  occasionally,  and  you  will 
promise  me  that  you  will  not  let  any  of  those 
circus  women  in  spangles  make  eyes  at  you,  I 
will  consent  to  your  going  with  the  circus,  just 
this  once,  as  the  doctor  has  advised  that  you 
lead  an  active  life,  and  I  guess  you  will  get  it 
traveling  with  a  circus,  for  it  nearly  killed  me 
that  time  I  took  Hennery  to  see  the  animals, 
and  the  tent  blew  down,  and  we  got  separated 
and  the  sacred  cow  chased  ma  up  the 
church  steps,  and  Hennery  and  a  monkey  were 
brought  home  by  a  policeman  about  daylight 
the  next  morning,  that  time  you  were  off  fish- 
ing, and  I  never  told  you  about  going  to  the 
circus  when  you  were  away.  So  we  are  circus 
proprietors,  are  we?  Well,  it  ain't  so  bad," 
and  ma  went  upstairs  to  cry  at  our  success, 
and  pa  and  I  went  out  to  walk  off  the  effects  of 
the  breaking  the  news  to  ma. 

I  had  a  long  talk  with  pa  about  our  changed 
circumstances,  and  asked  him  what  I  would 
be  expected  to  do  in  the  show,  and  he  says  I 
will  fit  in  anywhere.    He  says  that  a  boy  who 

21 


Sacred  Cow  Chased  Ma  Up  the  Church  Step*. 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Knows  as  much  about  everything  as  I  think  I 
know,  but  don't  know  a  blamed  thing  about, 
will  be  invaluable  about  a  show,  and  that  go- 
ing into  a  new  business  is  like  going  to  college 
as  a  freshman,  as  all  the  old  circus  men  will 
haze  us,  and  we  must  not  expect  an  easy  life, 
but  one  full  of  excitement,  sleepless  nights, 
ginger,  the  glare  of  the  torchlights,  the  races, 
the  flying  trapeze,  the  smell  of  the  sawdust 
and  tanbark,  the  howling  of  the  wild  beasts, 
and  the  plaudits  of  the  multitude  of  jays  and 
jayesses,  and  it  will  be  like  one  grand  circus 
day  spread  all  over  the  summer  and  fall.  He 
says  he  wants  me  to  learn  the  circus  business 
from  the  ground  up,  from  the  currying  of  the 
hyenas  with  a  currycomb  and  brush,  to  going 
up  into  the  roof  of  the  tent  on  the  trapeze  and 
falling  into  the  net,  while  the  audience  faints 
with  excitement.  I  asked  pa  if  he  wanted  me 
to  keep  on  playing  tricks  on  him  while  we  were 
on  the  road,  and  he  said  he  had  got  so  used  to 
my  tricks  that  he  couldn't  live  without  them, 
and  he  didn't  want  me  to  let  a  chance  escape 
to  make  him  have  a  good  time. 

April  ii. — Ma  and  pa  have  had  several  dis- 
cussions about  what  kind  of  a  position  it  is 
going  to  leave  her  in,   among   the   neighbors, 

23 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

for  pa  and  I  to  go  off  with  a  circus,  and  ma 
wanted  to  withdraw  from  the  church,  and 
board  up  the  windows  of  the  house,  and  make 
folks  think  we  had  gone  to  the  seashore,  but 
pa  convinced  her  that  we  would  have  preach- 
ing in  the  main  tent  every  Sunday,  and  he 
says  there  is  no  more  pious  lot  of  people  on 
earth  than  those  who  travel  with  a  circus,  and 
then  ma  wanted  to  go  along.  She  said  she 
could  do  the  mending  of  the  long  socks  that 
the  women  wear  when  they  ride  barebacked, 
but  we  had  to  shut  down  on  ma's  going  with 
the  show,  cause  we  never  could  have  any  fun 
with  a  woman  to  look  after.  Pa  says  nowa- 
days the  men  and  women  who  ride  on  bare- 
back horses  in  the  ring  dress  in  regular  even- 
ing costume,  the  women  with  low-necked 
dresses  and  long  trains,  and  the  men 
with  swallow-tail  coats  and  patent  leather 
shoes,  and  they  are  as  polite  as  dancing  mas- 
ters. 

We  have  compromised  with  ma,  and  she  is 
to  meet  the  show  at  Kalamazoo  and  go  with 
us  to  Kankakee  and  Keokuk  until  she  is  over- 
come by  nervous  prostration,  when  we  shall 
have  her  go  home.  Pa  thinks  ma  would  last 
about  two  days  with  the  show,  but  I  guess  if 

24 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

she  took  a  course  of  treatment  with  peanuts 
and  red  lemonade  one  afternoon  and  evening, 
she  would  want  to  throw  up  her  job,  and  go 
back  home  in  charge  of  a  stomach  specialist. 

Well,  pa  showed  up  at  the  house  in  his  cir- 
cus clothes  this  afternoon,  and  he  certainly  is 
a  peach.  Pa  has  been  letting  his  chin  whis- 
kers grow  for  about  six  weeks,  and  today  he 
had  them  colored  black,  and  he  looks  as 
though  he  had  swallowed  the  blacking  brush, 
and  left  the  bunch  of  bristles  outside,  on  his 
chin.  He  looks  fierce.  Then,  he  has  got  a  new 
brand  of  silk  hat,  with  a  wide,  curling  brim, 
and  he  has  had  a  vesi  made  of  black  and  blue 
check  goods,  the  checks  as  big  as  the  checks 
on  a  checker  board,  and  a  pair  of  pants  that 
look  like  a  diamond-back  rattlesnake,  and  he 
has  got  an  imitation  diamond  stud  in  his  white 
shirt  that  looks  like  a  paper  weight. 

Ma  wanted  to  know  if  there  was  any  law  to 
compel  pa  to  dress  like  that,  'cause  he  looked 
as  though  he  was  a  gambler  or  a  train  robber. 
Pa  says  that  a  circus  proprietor  has  got  to 
look  different  from  anybody  else,  in  order  to 
inspire  fear  and  respect  on  the  part  of  the 
hands  around  the  show,  as  well  as  the  audi- 
ences that  flock  to  the  arena,  and  he  asked  ma 

25 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

if  she  didn't  remember  old  Dan  Rice,  and  old 
John  Robinson.  Ma  didn't  remember  them, 
but  she  remembered  Barnum,  because  Bar- 
num  lectured  on  temperance,  and  she  said  she 
hoped  pa  would  emulate  Barnum's  example, 
and  pa  said  he  would,  and  then  he  took  a 
watch  chain  with  links  as  big  as  a  trace  chain 
and  spread  it  across  his  checkered  vest,  from 
one  pocket  to  the  other,  with  a  life-size  gold 
elk  hanging  down  the  middle,  and  ma  almost 
had  a  convulsion. 

Gee,  but  if  pa  wears  that  rig  in  the  mena- 
gerie tent  the  animals  will  paw  and  bellow 
like  a  drove  of  cattle  that  smell  blood.  Pa  is 
going  to  wear  a  sack  coat  with  his  outfit,  so  as 
to  look  tough,  and  he  wouldn't  hear  to  ma 
when  she  tried  to  get  him  to  wear  a  frock  coat. 
He  said  a  frock  coat  was  all  right  in  society  or 
among  the  crowned  heads,  but  when  you  have 
to  mingle  with  lions  and  elephants  one  minute 
that  would  snatch  the  tail  off  a  coat  and  chew 
it  and  the  next  minute  you  are  mixed  up  with 
a  bunch  of  freaks  or  a  lot  of  bareback  riders  or 
trapeze  performers,  you  have  got  to  compro- 
mise on  a  coat  that  will  fit  any  climate,  and 
not  cause  invidious  remarks,  whatever  that  is. 

I  will  have  to  stand  up  beside  the  giant  once 

26 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

in  a  while  to  show  the  difference  in  the  size  of 
men,  and  at  other  times  I  will  have  to  stand 
beside  the  midgets  and  look  like  a  giant  my- 
self. We  are  all  packed  up,  and  in  two  days 
we  start  for  the  winter  quarters  of  the  show, 
to  pound  it  into  shape  for  the  road.  By  ginger, 
I  can't  hardly  wait  to  get  there  and  see  pa 
boss  things. 


27 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  II. 

The  Bad  Boy  Visits  the  Circus  in  Winter 
Quarters — He  Meets  the  Circus  Perform- 
ers— Dad  Rides  a  Horse  and  Gets  Tossed 
in  a  Blanket— The  Bad  Boy  Goes  "Kanga- 
rooing'' — Pa's  Clothes  Cause  Excitement 
Among  the  Animals — A  Monkey  Steals  His 
Watch. 

April  15. — We  are  now  at  the  winter  quar- 
ters of  the  show,  in  a  little  town,  on  a  farm 
just  outside,  where  the  tent  is  put  up  and  the 
animals  are  being  cared  for  in  barns,  and  the 
performers  are  limbering  up  their  joints, 
wearing  overcoats  to  turn  flip-flaps,  and  ev- 
erybody has  a  cold,  and  looks  blue,  and  all  are 
anxious  for  warm  weather. 

Pa  created  a  sensation  when  we  arrived  by 
his  stunning  clothes,  his  jet  black  chin  whis- 
kers and  his  watch  chain  over  his  checkered 
vest,  and  when  the  proprietors  introduced  pa 
to  the  performers  and  hands,  as  an  old  stock- 
holder in  the  show,  who  would  act  as  assist- 
ant manager  during  the  season  and  pa  smiled 

28 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

on  them  with  a  frown  on  his  forehead,  and 
said  he  hoped  his  relations  with  them  would 
be  pleasant,  one  of  the  old  canvasmen  re- 
marked to  a  girl  who  rides  two  horses  at  once 
with  the  horses  strapped  together,  so  they 
can't  get  too  far  apart  and  cause  her  to  break 
in  two,  said  that  old  goat  with  the  silk  hat 
would  last  just  about  four  weeks,  and  that  he 
reminded  the  canvasman  of  a  big  dog  which 
barked  at  people  as  though  he  would  eat  them, 
and  at  the  same  time  wagged  his  tail,  so  peo- 
ple would  not  think  he  was  so  confounded 
dangerous. 

The  principal  proprietor  of  the  circus  told 
pa  to  make  himself  at  home  around  the  tent, 
and  not  be  offended  at  any  pleasantry  on  the 
part  of  the  attaches  of  the  show,  for  they  were 
full  of  fun,  and  he  went  off  to  attend  to  some 
business  and  left  pa  with  the  gang.  They  were 
practicing  riding  bare-backed  horses  around 
the  ring,  with  a  rope  hitched  in  a  belt  around 
the  waist  of  the  rider  and  an  arm  swinging 
around  from  the  center  pole,  so  if  they  fell  off 
the  horse  the  rope  would  prevent  the  rider 
from  falling  to  the  ground,  a  practice  that  the 
best  riders  adopt  early  in  the  season,  the  same 
as  new  beginners,  'cause  they  are  all  stiffened 

29 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

up  by  being  out  of  practice.  One  man  rode 
around  a  few  times,  and  pa  got  up  close  to  the 
ring  and  was  making  some  comments  such 
as:  "Why,  any  condemned  fool  could  ride  a 
horse  that  way,"  when  the  circus  gang  as 
quick  as  you  could  say  scat,  fastened  a  belt 
around  pa's  stomach,  that  had  a  ring  in  it,  and 
before  he  knew  it  they  had  hitched  a  snap  in 
the  ring,  and  pa  was  hauled  up  as  high  as  the 
horse,  and  his  feet  rested. on  the  horse's  back, 
and  the  horse  started  on  a  gallop. 

Well,  say,  pa  was  never  so  surprised  in  his 
life,  but  he  dug  his  heels  into  the  horse's  back, 
and  tried  to  look  pleasant,  and  the  horse  went 
half  way  around  the  ring,  and  just  as  pa  was 
getting  confidence  some  one  hit  the  horse  on 
the  ham  with  a  piece  of  board,  and  the  horse 
went  out  from  under  pa  and  he  began  to  fall 
over  backwards,  and  I  thought  his  circus  ca- 
reer would  end  right  there,  when  the  man  who 
had  hold  of  the  rope  pulled  up,  and  pa  was 
suspended  in  the  air  by  the  ring  in  the  belt, 
back  up,  and  stomach  hanging  down  like  a 
pillow,  his  watch  dangling  about  a  foot  down 
towards  the  ring,  and  the  horse  came  around 
the  ring  again  and  as  he  went  under  pa,  pa 
tried  to  get  his  feet  on  the  horse's  back,  but  he 

30 


Pa  Was  Suspended  in  the  Air. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

couldn't  make  it  work,  and  pa  said,  as  cross 
as  could  be:  "Lookahere,  you  fellers,  you  let 
me  down,  or  I  will  discharge  every  mother's 
son  of  you." 

But  they  didn't  seem  to  be  scared,  for  one 
man  caught  the  horse  and  let  it  out  of  the 
ring,  and  the  man  who  handled  the  rope  tied 
it  to  the  center  pole  by  a  half  hitch,  and  the 
fellows  all  went  into  the  dressing  room  to  play 
cinch  on  the  trunks,  leaving  pa  hanging  there. 
Just  then  the  boss  canvasman  came  along  and 
he  said:  "Hello,  old  man,  what  you  doing 
up  there?"  And  pa  said  some  of  the  pirates 
in  the  show  had  kidnaped  him,  and  seemed  to 
be  holding  him  up  for  a  ransom,  and  he  said 
he  would  give  ten  dollars  if  some  one  would 
let  him  down. 

The  boss  canvasman  said  he  could  fix  it  for 
ten,  all  right,  and  he  blew  a  whistle,  and  the 
gang  came  back,  and  the  boss  said:  "Bring  a 
blanket  and  help  this  gentleman  down;"  so 
they  brought  a  big  piece  of  canvas,  with  han- 
dles all  around  it,  and  about  a  dozen  fellows 
held  it,  and  the  rope  man  let  pa  down  on  the 
canvas,  and  unhitched  the  ring,  and  when  pa 
was  in  the  canvas  he  laughed  and  said: 
"Thanks,  gentlemen,  I  guess  I  am  not  much  of 

32 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

a  horseback  rider,"  and  then  the  fellows  pulled 
on  the  handles  of  the  canvas,  and  by  gosh,  pa 
shot  up  into  the  air  half-way  to  the  top  of  the 
tent,  and  when  he  came  down  they  caught  him 
in  the  canvas  and  tossed  him  up  a  whole  lot  of 
times  until  pa  said:  "O,  let  up,  and  make  it 
$20."  Just  then  the  proprietor  who  had  intro- 
duced pa  to  the  men  came  in  and  saw  what 
was  going  on,  and  he  said :  "Here,  you  heath- 
en, you  quit  this  hazing  right  here,"  and  they 
let  pa  down  on  the  floor  of  the  ring,  and  he  got 
up  and  pulled  his  pants  down,  that  had  got  up 
above  his  knees,  and  shook  himself  and  took 
out  his  roll,  and  peeled  off  a  $20  bill  and  gave  it 
to  the  canvasman,  and  he  shook  hands  with 
them  all,  and  said  he  liked  a  joke  as  well  as 
anybody,  and  for  them  to  spend  the  money  to 
have  a  good  time,  and  they  all  laughed  and 
patted  pa  on  the  back,  and  said  he  was  a  dead 
game  sport,  and  would  be  an  honor  to  the  pro- 
fession, and  that  now  that  he  has  taken  the 
first  degree  as  a  circus  man  he  could  call  on 
them  for  any  sacrifice,  or  any  work,  and  he 
would  find  that  they  would  be  Johnny  on  the 
spot. 

Then  he  went  out  to  the  dining  tent    and 
took  dinner  with  the  crowd  and  had  a  jolly 

33 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

time.  There  was  a  woman  trapeze  performer 
on  one  side  of  pa  at  dinner,  and  she  began  to 
kick  at  once  about  the  meals,  and  when  the 
waiter  brought  a  piece  of  meat  to  us  all — a 
great  big  piece,  that  looked  like  corned  beef, 
she  said:  "For  heaven's  sake,  ain't  that  ele- 
phant that  died  all  been  eaten  up  yet?"  and 
then  she  told  pa  that  they  had  been  fed  on  that 
deceased  elephant,  until  they  all  felt  like  they 
had  trunks  growing  out  of  their  heads,  and  pa 
poked  the  meat  with  his  fork,  and  thought  it 
was  elephant,  and  he  lost  his  appetite,  and  ev- 
erybody laughed.  I  eat  some  of  it  and  if  it 
was  elephant  it  was  all  right. 

Well,  when  dinner  was  about  over,  all  filled 
their  glasses  to  drink  to  the  health  of  pa,  the 
old  stockholder  and  new  manager,  and  pa  got 
up  and  bowed,  and  made  a  little  speech,  and 
when  he  sat  down  one  of  the  circus  girls  was 
in  his  chair,  and  he  sat  in  her  lap,  and  the 
crowd  all  yelled,  except  a  Spanish  bull-fighter, 
who  seemed  to  be  the  husband  of  the  woman 
pa  sat  on,  and  he  wanted  pa's  blood,  but  the 
old  circus  manager  took  him  away  to  save  pa 
from  trouble,  and  he  glared  back  at  pa,  and  I 
think  he  will  stab  pa  with  a  dirk  knife. 

We  got  out  of  the  dining  tent,  and  went  to 

34 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

the  barn,  where  the  animals  are  kept  all  win- 
ter, and  pa  wanted  me  to  become  familiar  with 
the  habits  of  the  beasts,  'cause  they  were  to  be 
in  pa's  charge,  with  the  keepers  of  the  differ- 
ent kinds  of  animals  to  report  to  pa.  Nobody 
need  tell  me  that  animals  have  no  human  in- 
stincts, and  do  not  know  how  to  take  a  joke. 
We  are  apt  to  think  that  wild  animals  in  cap- 
tivity are  worrying  over  being  confined  in 
cages,  and  gazed  at  and  commented  on  by  cu- 
rious visitors,  and  that  they  dream  of  the  free 
life  they  lived  in  the  jungles,  and  sigh  to  go 
back  where  they  were  captured,  and  prowl 
around  for  food,  but  you  can't  fool  me.  Ani- 
mals that  formerly  had  to  go  around  in  the 
woods,  hungry  half  the  time  and  occasionally 
gorging  themselves  on  a  dead  animal  and 
sleeping  out  in  the  rain  in  all  kinds  of  wreather, 
know  when  they  have  struck  a  good  thing  in  a 
menagerie,  with  clean  straw  to  sleep  in,  and 
when  they  are  hungry  all  they  have  to  do  is  to 
sound  their  bugle  and  they  have  pre-digested 
beefsteak  and  breakfast  food  brought  to  them 
on  a  silver  platter,  and  if  the  food  is  not  to 
their  liking  they  set  up  a  kick  like  a  star 
boarder  at  a  boarding  house.  Their  condition 
in  the  show,  in  its  changed  condition    from 

35 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

that  of  their  native  haunts,  is  like  taking  a 
hobo  off  the  trucks  of  a  freight  train  and  tak- 
ing him  to  the  dining  car  of  the  limited,  and 
letting  him  eat  to  a  finish.  People  talk  about 
animals  escaping  from  captivity,  and  going 
back  to  the  jungles  and  humane  societies  shed 
tears  over  the  poor,  sad-eyed  captives,  sighing 
for  their  homes,  but  you  turn  them  loose  at 
South  Bend,  and  run  your  circus  train  to  New 
Albany  without  them  and  they  would  follow 
the  train  and  overtake  it  before  the  evening 
performance  the  next  day,  and  you  would  find 
them  trying  to  break  into  their  cages  again, 
and  they  would  have  to  be  fed. 

When  pa  and  I  went  into  the  barn  where 
the  cages  were,  to  take  an  account  of  stock, 
and  get  acquainted  with  our  animals,  they 
acted  just  like  the  circus  men  did  when  they 
saw  pa's  clothes.  The  animals  were  about 
half  asleep  when  we  went  in,  but  a  big  lion 
bent  one  eye  on  pa,  and  then  he  rose  up  and 
shook  himself  and  gave  a  roar  and  a  cough 
that  sounded  like  he  had  the  worst  case  of 
pneumonia,  and  he  snorted  a  couple  of  times, 
as  though  he  was  saying  to  the  other  animals : 
"Here's  something  that  will  kill  you  dead,  and 
I  want  you  all  to  have  a  piece  of  it,  raw,"  and 

36 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

he  brayed  some  more,  and  all  the  animals 
joined  in  the  chorus,  the  big  tiger  lying  down 
on  his  stomach  and  waving  his  tail,  and  snarl- 
ing and  showing  his  teeth  like  a  cat  that  has 
located  a  mouse  hole,  and  the  tiger  seemed  to 
say:  "O,  I  saw  it  first,  and  it's  mine." 

The  hyena  set  up  a  laugh  like  a  man  who  is 
not  tickled,  but  feels  that  it  is  up  to  him  to 
laugh  at  a  funny  story  that  he  can't  see  the 
point  of  at  a  banquet  where  Chauncey  Depew 
tells  one  of  his  crippled  jokes,  and  pa  was  get- 
ting nervous.  A  big  grizzly  bear  was  walking 
delegate  in  his  cage,  and  he  looked  at  pa  as 
much  as  to  say:  "Hello,  Teddy,  I  was  not  at 
home  when  you  called  in  Colorado,  but  you 
get  in  this  cage,  and  I  will  make  you  think  the 
Spanish  war  was  a  Sunday  school  picnic  be- 
side what  you  will  get  from  your  uncle  Eph- 
raim,"  and  a  bob  cat  jumped  up  into  the  top  of 
his  cage  and  snarled  and  showed  his  teeth,  and 
seemed  to  say:  "Bring  on  your  whole  pack  of 
dogs  and  I  will  eat  them  alive." 

Pa  threw  out  his  chest  in  front  of  a  monkey 
cage,  and  a  monkey  snatched  his  watch,  and 
then  all  the  animals  began  to  laugh  at  pa  just 
like  a  lot  of  bad  boys  in  school  when  visitors 
make  a  call.     Pa  went  around  to  visit  all  the 

37 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

animals,  officially,  while  I  got  interested  in  a 
female  kangaroo,  with  a  couple  of  babies,  not 
more  than  three  weeks  old,  and  I  noticed  the 
mother  kangaroo  made  the  old  man  kangaroo, 
her  husband,  stand  around  and  he  acted  just 
like  some  men  I  have  seen  who  were  afraid  to 
say  their  souls  were  their  own  in  the  presence 
of  their  wives. 

The  female  kangaroo  is  surely  a  wonder, 
and  seems  to  be  built  on  plans  and  specifica- 
tions different  from  any  other  animal,  cause 
she  has  got  a  fur-lined  pouch  on  her  stomach, 
just  like  a  vest,  that  she  carries  her  young  in. 
When  the  babies  are  frightened  they  make  a 
hurry-up  move  towards  ma,  the  pouch  opens, 
and  they  jump  in  out  of  sight,  like  a  gopher 
going  into  its  hole,  and  the  mother  looks 
around  as  innocent  as  can  be,  as  much  as  to 
say:  "You  can  search  me.  I  don't  know, 
honestly,  where  those  kids  have  gone,  but  they 
were  around  here  not  more  than  a  minute 
ago."  And  when  the  fright  is  over  the  two 
heads  peep  out  of  the  top  of  the  pouch,  and 
the  old  man  grunts,  as  much  as  to  say:  "O, 
come  on  out,  there  is  no  danger,  and  let  your 
ma  have  a  little  rest,  'cause  she  is  nervous," 
and  then  the  babies  come  out  and  run  around 

38 


A  Leopard   Reached  Out  His  Paw  and  Gathered  In  the  Tall 

of   Pa's   Coat. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  cage,  and  sit  up  on  their  hind  feet  and  look 
wise.  That  kangaroo  pouch  is  a  success,  and 
(  wonder  why  nature  did  not  provide  pouches 
for  all  animals  to  carry  their  young  in.  I 
think  Pullman  must  have  got  his  ideas  for  the 
upper  and  lower  berths  of  a  sleeping  car  by 
seeing  a  kangaroo  pouch.  I  am  going  to  study 
the  kangaroo  and  make  friends  with  the  old 
man  kangaroo,  'cause  he  looks  as  though  he 
had  troubles  of  his  own. 

Pa  showed  up  without  any  coat,  while  I  was 
kangarooing,  and  there  was  a  rip  in  his  pants, 
and  I  asked  him  what  was  the  trouble,  and  he 
said  he  got  too  near  the  cage  of  a  leopard  that 
seemed  to  be  asleep,  and  the  traitor  reached 
out  his  paw  and  gathered  in  the  tail  of  pa's 
coat,  and  just  snatched  it  off  his  back  as 
though  it  was  made  of  paper. 

Pa  is  a  little  discouraged  about  his  experi- 
ence in  the  circus  the  first  day,  but  he  says  it 
will  be  great  when  we  get  the  run  of  the  bus- 
iness. He  says  every  day  will  have  its  excite- 
ment. Tomorrow  they  are  going  to  extract  a 
tooth  from  the  boa-constrictor,  and  pa  and  I 
are  going  to  help  hold  him,  while  the  animal 
dentist  pulls  the  tooth,  and  then  we  scrub  the 
rhinoceros,  and  oil  the  hippopotamus,  and  get 

40 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

everything  ready  to  start  out  on  the  road,  and 
I  can't  write  any  more  in  my  diary  until  after 
we  fix  the  snake.  Gee,  but  he  is  as  long  as  a 
clothesline. 


4* 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  III. 

Pa  Reproves  the  Fat  Woman  for  Losing  Flesh 
— The  Bearded  Lady  Faints  in  Pa's  Arms — 
The  Bad  Boy  Introduced  Into  Animal  So- 
ciety—They Pull  the  Boa  Constrictor's  Ul- 
cerated Tooth. 

Winter  Quarters  of  the  Only  Circus,  April 
20. — Pa  has  had  a  hard  job  today.  The  boss 
complained  to  pa  that  the  fat  woman  had  been 
taking  anti-fat,  or  dieting,  or  something,  'cause 
she  was  losing  flesh,  and  the  living  skeleton 
was  beginning  to  fat  up.  He  wanted  pa  to  call 
them  into  the  office  and  have  a  diplomatic  talk 
with  them  about  their  condition,  'cause  if  this 
thing  continued  they  would  ruin  the  show. 

So  pa  went  to  the  office  and  sent  for  them, 
and  I  was  there  as  a  witness,  in  case  of  trou- 
ble. The  fat  woman  came  in  first,  and  there 
was  no  chair  big  enough  for  her,  so  she  sat 
down  on  a  leather  lounge,  which  broke  and  let 
her  down  on  the  floor,  and  pa  tried  to  help  her 
up,  but  it  was  like  lifting  a  load  of  hay.  So  he 
leaned  her  against  the  wall  and  said: 

"Madame,  the  management  has  detailed  me 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

to  censure  you  for  losing  flesh,  and  I  am  in- 
structed to  say  if  you  do  not  manage  to  take 
on  about  fifty  pounds  more  flesh  before  the 
show  starts  on  the  road,  you  don't  go  along. 
What  you  want  to  do  is  to  eat  more  starchy 
food  and  sleep  more  at  night.  They  tell  me 
you  go  out  nights  to  dances  and  drink  high 
balls,  and  this  has  got  to  stop.  Drink  beer  and 
eat  cheese  sandwiches  at  night,  or  it  is  all  off. 
This  show  can't  afford  to  take  along  no  400- 
pound  fairy  for  a  fat  woman  when  the  con- 
tract calls  for  a  500-pound  mountain  of  flesh, 
see?"  and  pa  looked  just  as  stern  as  could  be. 
The  fat  woman  began  to  cry  and  sob,  so  it 
sounded  like  an  engine  blowing  off  steam,  and 
she  told  pa  that  the  cause  of  her  losing  flesh 
was  that  she  was  in  love  with  the  living  skel- 
eton, and  that  he  had  been  paying  attention  to 
the  bearded  woman,  and  she  would  scratch 
her  eyes  out  if  she  could  catch  her.  Just  then 
the  living  skeleton  came  in,  and  when  he  saw 
the  fat  woman  sitting  on  the  floor  crying",  and 
pa  talking  soothing  to  her  and  telling  her  he 
could  appreciate  her  condition,  'cause  he  had 
been  in  love  some  hisself,  the  skeleton  pushed 
pa  away  and  tried  to  lift  it,  and  said:  "What 
is  the  matter  with  my  itty  tootsy-wootsy,  and 

43 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

what  has  the  bad  old  man  with  spinach  on  his 
chin  been  doing  to  you?" 

Then  he  turned  on  pa  and  his  legs  began  to 
shake  and  rattle  like  a  pair  of  bones  in  a  min- 
strel show,  and  he  said:  "I  will  hold  you  re- 
sponsible for  this."  Pa  said  he  was  not  going 
to  interfere  in  the  love  affairs  of  any  of  the 
freaks,  and  just  then  the  bearded  woman  came 
in,  and  when  she  saw  the  living  skeleton  hold- 
ing the  hand  of  the  fat  woman,  who  sat  on  the 
floor  like  a  balloon  blowed  up,  the  bearded 
woman  gave  a  kick  at  the  living  skeleton 
which  sounded  like  clothes  bars  falling  down 
in  the  laundry,  and  she  grabbed  the  fat  wo- 
man's blonde  wig  and  pulled  it  off,  and  then 
the  bearded  woman  began  to  cry  and  she 
threw  herself  into  pa's  arms  and  began  to  sob 
on  his  bosom  and  mingle  her  whiskers  with 
his. 

Pa  yelled  for  help,  and  I  thought  it  was  time 
for  me  to  be  doing  something,  so  I  went  out- 
side the  office  to  the  fire  alarm  box  and 
touched  a  button,  and  then  I  run  like  thunder 
for  the  police,  and  the  firemen  came  with  the 
extinguishers  and  began  to  throw  chemically 
charged  water  into  the  room,  and  the  police 
dragged  out  the  fat  woman,  who  had  fainted, 

44 


IF 

"J  Will  Hold  You  Responsible  for  This!" 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  the  living  skeleton,  whom  she  had  pulled 
down  into  her  lap,  and  laid  them  out  in  the 
ring,  and  then  they  got  hold  of  pa  and  pulled 
him  out,  and  the  bearded  woman  had  fainted 
in  pa's  arms  and  the  stove  was  tipped  over  and 
was  setting  fire  to  the  furniture  and  they 
brought  the  bearded  woman  and  the  fat  wo- 
man to  their  senses  by  pouring  water  on  them 
from  a  hose.  Finally  they  were  sent  to  their 
quarters,  and  the  other  owner  of  the  show 
came  to  pa  and  said  he  hoped  this  would  be  the 
last  of  that  kind  of  business,  as  long  as  pa  re- 
mained with  the  show,  that  one  of  the  rules 
was  that  no  man  in  an  executive  capacity  must 
under  any  circumstances  take  any  liberties 
with  any  of  the  females  connected  with  the 
show. 

Pa  was  hot,  and  said  when  women  got 
crazy  in  love  no  man  was  safe,  and  the  other 
owner  of  the  show  said  that  was  all  right  this 
time,  but  not  to  let  it  occur  again,  and  pa  tried 
to  explain  how  the  bearded  woman  came  to 
jump  on  to  him  and  faint  in  his  arms,  but  the 
owner  said:  "That  is  all  right,  but  you  can't 
hold  'em  in  your  arms  before  folks,"  and  then 
pa  offered  to  whip  any  man  who  said  he  was 
in  love   with    any   bearded    woman,    and    he 

46 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

pulled  off  his  coat.  Just  then  I  came  along 
and  told  the  whole  story,  and  then  the  crowd 
all  had  a  good  laugh,  and  pa  took  them  all  out 
and  treated. 

I  guess  it  is  all  settled  now,  'cause  the  living 
skeleton  and  the  fat  woman  have  got  permis- 
sion to  get  married,  the  bearded  lady  is  sweet 
on  pa,  and  a  girl  has  just  joined  the  show, 
who  walks  a  wire,  and  she  says  I  am  about  the 
sweetest  thing  that  ever  came  down  the  pike, 
and  I  guess  this  show  business  is  all  right,  all 
right. 

April  21. — We  are  getting  acquainted  with 
the  animals,  and  it  is  just  like  going  into  so- 
ciety. 

There  is  the  aristocracy,  which  consists  of 
the  high  born  animals,  the  middle  class  and 
the  low  down,  common  herd,  and  when  you 
go  among  the  animals  as  strangers  you  are  re- 
ceived just  as  you  would  be  in  society.  If  you 
are  properly  introduced  to  the  elephants  by 
the  elephant  keeper,  who  vouches  for  your 
standing  and  honor,  the  elephants  take  to  you 
all  right  and  extend  to  you  certain  courtesies, 
same  as  society  people  would  invite  you  to  din- 
ner, but  if  you  wander  around  and  sort  of  butt 
in,  the  eleohants  are  on  to  you  in  a  minute  and 

47 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

roll  their  eyes  at  you  and  look  upon  you  as  a 
common  "person,"  and  if  you  attempt  any  fa- 
miliarity they  look  at  you  as  much  as  to  say: 
"Sir,  I  am  not  allowed  to  associate  with  any 
except  the  400."  Then  they  turn  their  backs 
and  act  so  much  like  shoddy  aristocracy  that 
you  would  swear  they  were  human. 

I  remember  when  pa  was  first  in  the  ele- 
phant corral,  the  keeper  forgot  to  tell  the  big 
elephant  who  pa  was,  and  when  the  keeper 
raised  up  one  foot,  of  the  elephant  and  exam- 
ined a  corn,  pa  went  up  and  pinched  a  bunch 
on  the  elephant's  leg  and  said  to  the  keeper: 
"That  looks  to  me  like  a  spavin,"  and  he 
nebbed  it  hard.  Well,  the  elephant  groaned 
like  a  boy  with  a  stone  bruise  on  his  heel,  and 
before  pa  knew  what  was  coming  the  elephant 
wound  his  trunk  under  pa  and  raised  pa  upon 
his  tusks  and  was  going  to  toss  him  in  the  air 
and  catch  him  as  he  came  down  and  walk  on 
him,  when  pa  yelled  murder  and  the  keeper 
took  an  iron  hook  and  hooked  it  into  the  ele- 
phant's skin,  and  said:  "Let  that  man  down," 
and  he  let  pa  down  easy,  and  the  keeper  some 
way  showed  the  elephant  that  pa  was  one  of 
the  owners  of  the  show,  and  that  elephant  act- 
ed just  as  human  as  could  be,  for  he  fairly 

48 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

toadied  to  pa,  like  a  society  leader  that  has 
given  the  cold  shoulder  to  some  one  that  is  as 
good  or  better  than  they,  or  like  an  impudent 
employe  who  has  insulted  his  employer  and  is 
afraid  of  losing  his  job.  After  that  whenever 
pa  and  I  go  around  the  elephants  they  bow 
down  to  us,  and  I  think  I  could  take  an  iron 
hook  and  drive  an  elephant  anywhere. 

There  are  all  classes  among  the  animals  in 
a  menagerie  the  same  as  human  society.  The 
lions  are  like  the  leaders  of  society  who  are 
well  born  and  proud  but  poor.  They  are  al- 
ways invited  everywhere,  but  never  entertain, 
though  they  kick  and  find  fault  and  ogle  ev- 
erybody and  look  wise  and  distinguished. 

The  sacred  cattle  are  too  good  to  live  and 
pose  as  the  pious  animals  who  do  not  want  to 
associate  with  the  bad  animals  and  are  con- 
stantly wearing  an  air  of  "I  am  holier  than  any 
of  you,"  but  they  will  reach  through  the  bars 
of  their  cage  and  steal  alfalfa  from  the  Yak 
and  the  mule  deer,  and  if  they  kick  about  it  the 
sacred  cattle  look  hurt  and  act  like  it  was  part 
of  their  duty  to  take  up  a  collection,  and  they 
bellow  a  sort  of  hymn  to  drown  the  kicking. 

The  different  kind  of  goats  in  a  menagerie 
are  the  butters-in,  or  the  new  rich,  who  get 

49 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

in  the  way  of  the  society  leaders  and  try  to 
outdo  them  in  society  stunts,  but  they  smell  so 
that  the  other  animals  are  made  sick  and  the 
goats  are  only  tolerated  because  animal  so- 
ciety is  afraid  to  offend  them,  for  fear  the  lead- 
ers may  some  time  go  into  bankruptcy  and  the 
goats  will  take  their  places  and  never  let  them 
get  a  smell  of  the  good  things  of  life. 

The  bears  are  the  working  people  of  the 
show,  and  the  big  grizzlies  are  the  walking 
delegates  who  control  the  amalgamated  asso- 
ciation of  working  bears,  and  the  occupants 
of  the  other  cages  have  got  to  cater  to  Uncle 
Ephraim,  the  walking  delegate,  or  be  placed 
on  the  unfair  list  and  slugged. 

The  hyenas  and  the  jackals  and  the  wolves 
represent  the  anarchists  who  are  down  on  ev- 
erybody in  the  show,  who  won't  do  a  thing  to 
help  along  and  won't  allow  any  other  animal 
to  do  anything,  and  who  seem  to  want  to  burn 
and  slay,  to  carry  a  torch  by  night  and  poison 
by  day,  and  want  everything  in  the  show  to  be 
chaos.  Those  animals  are  never  so  happy  as 
when  the  wind  and  lightning  strike  the  tent, 
and  blow  it  down  and  kill  people  and  create  a 
panic,  and    then    these    anarchists    sing    and 

50 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

laugh  and  enjoy  their  peculiar  kind  of  animal 
religion. 

The  zebras  and  giraffes  are  the  dudes  of  the 
show,  and  you  can  imagine,  if  they  were  hu- 
man, they  would  play  tennis  and  golf,  drive 
four  in  hands  and  pose  to  be  admired,  while 
the  Royal  Bengal  tigers,  if  they  were  half  hu- 
man, would  drive  automobiles  at  the  rate  of  a 
mile  a  minute  on  crowded  streets,  run  over 
people  and  never  stop  to  help  the  wounded, 
but  skip  away  with  a  sneer,  as  much  as  to  say : 
"What  are  you  going  to  do  about  it?" 

The  hippopotamus  is  like  the  lazy  fat  man 
that  groans  from  force  of  habit,  sits  down  as 
though  it  was  the  last  act  of  his  life  and  only 
gets  up  when  the  bell  rings  for  meals,  and  he 
sweats  blood  for  fear  he  will  lose  his  meal 
ticket  and  starve  to  death. 

The  seals  are  the  clean-cut  Baptists  of  the 
show,  who  believe  in  immersion,  and  they 
have  more  brain  than  any  animals  in  the 
show,  because  they  live  on  a  fish  diet,  though 
they  have  a  pneumonia  cough  that  makes  you 
feel  like  sending  for  a  doctor. 

Gee,  but  last  night  when  we  thought  spring 
had  come  and  wc  could  start  on  the  road  pret- 
ty soon,  the  snow  fell  about  a  foot  deep,  and  it 

51 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

was  so  cold  that  all  the  animals  howled  all 
night,  and  shivered,  and  went  on  a  regular 
strike.  We  had  to  put  blankets  on  them,  and 
no  one  of  them  seemed  to  be  comfortable  ex- 
cept the  polar  bears,  the  arctic  foxes  and  the 
fat  woman.  The  other  owners  of  the  show 
thought  it  was  a  good  time  to  take  the  boa 
constrictor  and  pull  an  ulcerated  tooth,  'cause 
he  was  sort  of  dumpish,  so  pa  and  I  helped 
hold  the  snake,  which  is  about  twenty  feet 
long. 

Pa  was  up  near  the  snake's  head,  and  when 
the  man  with  the  forceps  got  hold  of  the  tooth 
and  gave  it  a  yank,  the  confounded  snake  come 
to  and  began  to  stand  on  his  head  and  thrash 
around,  and  pa  dropped  his  hold  and  started 
to  climb  the  center  pole,  but  he  got  caught  in  a 
gasoline  torch,  and  they  had  to  turn  a  hose  on 
pa,  and  he  was  awful  scared,  'cause  he  always 
did  hate  snakes,  but  they  gave  the  snake  chlo- 
roform and  got  him  quiet,  and  pa  came  down, 
and  they  gave  him  a  pair  of  baggy  trousers  be- 
longing to  the  clown,  to  go  to  dinner  in,  and  pa 
was  a  sight. 


52 


They   Had  to  Turn  the   Hose  on   Pa. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER    IV. 

Pa  Finds  the  Fat  Lady  a  Burden— The'  Bad 
Boy  Makes  His  First  Public  Appearance — 
He  Talks  Politics  with  the  Midget— Pa 
Meets  with  Numerous  Accidents. 

May  i. — We  had  the  darndest  time  getting 
packed  up  and  started  on  the  road.  How  in 
the  name  of  heaven  we  ever  got  half  the  things 
on  the  cars  is  more  than  I  know,  but  it  seems 
as  though  the  circus  company  had  a  man  to 
look  after  everything,  and  he  had  men  under 
him  to  look  after  his  regular  share  of  things, 
so  when  the  cars  were  loaded,  and  the  boss 
clapped  his  hands,  and  the  engineer  tooted  his 
whistle,  there  wasn't  a  tent  stake  or  a  rope, 
or  a  board  seat,  or  anything  left  behind. 
Every  man  knew  exactly  where  the  things 
were  that  he  was  responsible  for,  so  he  could 
lay  his  hands  on  them  in  the  dark,  and  he  knew 
just  what  wagon  his  stuff  was  to  go  in. 

Gee,  but  you  talk  about  system,  there  is  no 
business  in  the  world  that  has  a  system  like 
a  show  on  the  road.  Every  performer  was  in 
his  or  her  section  in  the  sleeper,  and  pa  and 

54 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

I  got  an  end  section  with  the  freaks,  the  fat 
woman  across  the  aisle  from  us.  That  fat 
woman  is  going  to  make  life  a  burden  for  pa, 
I  can  see  that  plain  enough.  She  is  engaged  to 
the  living  skeleton,  and  he  sleeps  in  the  upper 
berth,  over  her,  and  he  is  jealous  of  pa,  while 
the  fat  woman  has  got  to  depending  on  pa 
to  do  little  things  for  her. 

Of  course,  the  first  night  out  is  always  the 
worst  on  a  sleeper,  and  the  poor  woman  is 
nervous,  and  when  the  animal  train,  in  the 
second  section,  ran  on  a  side  track  beside  our 
train  of  sleepers,  and  Rajah,  the  boss  lion,  got 
woke  up  and  exploded  one  of  his  roars,  with- 
in six  feet  of  the  fat  woman's  berth,  she  just 
gave  one  yell,  and  reared  up,  and  came  down 
hard  in  the  berth.  Something  broke,  and  she 
went  right  through  the  bottom  of  the  berth  to 
the  floor,  doubled  up  like  a  jackknife. 

Pa  got  up  and  went  to  her  berth,  though 
I  told  him  to  keep  away,  'cause  he  would  get 
into  trouble.  First  he  stumbled  over  one  of 
her  shoes,  and  said  he  thought  he  had  told 
everybody  to  keep  their  telescope  valises  in 
the  baggage  car,  and  that  made  her  mad.  Then 
he  reached  in  the  berth  and  got  hold  of  one 
of  her  feet,  and  pa  got  the  men  to  help  and 

55 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

they  got  her  out,  but  she  seemed  all  squshed 
together.  She  sat  up  all  night  and  wanted  to 
lean  on  pa,  but  the  skeleton  kept  his  head  over 
the  rail  of  the  upper  berth  and  his  snake-like 
eye  never  left  pa  all  night. 

The  bearded  woman  got  up  out  of  her  berth 
about  daylight,  to  go  to  the  toilet  room  for  a 
shave,  or  a  hair  cut,  or  something,  and  when 
she  saw  pa  trying  to  soothe  the  fat  woman 
and  hold  her  from  breaking  in  two,  she 
screamed  and  slapped  pa's  face,  and  had  a  mess 
of  hysterics.  The  fat  woman  grabbed  a  couple 
of  handfnls  of  female  whiskers,  and  was  going 
to  pull  them  out  by  the  roots,  when  the  beard- 
ed woman  begged  her  not  to  pull  them  out, 
as  to  lose  her  whiskers  would  destroy  her 
means  of  livelihood. 

Then  the  bugle  blew  for  everybody  to  get 
up  and  go  to  the  show  lot,  and  put  up  the 
tents  for  the  first  show  of  the  season.  When 
we  got  out  of  the  sleeper  we  asked  where  we 
were,  and  a  man  told  pa  we  were  at  Peoria, 
111.,  and  he  wanted  pa  to  give  him  a  compli- 
mentary ticket  for  telling  what  town  we  were 
in,  but  pa  looked  fierce  at  the  man  and  asked 
what  kind  of  an  easy  mark  he  took  him  for, 
and  the  man  slunk  away.    You  wouldn't  think 

56 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

they  could  unload  those  two  trains  of  cars, 
about  80  in  all,  in  a  week,  but  when  we  got 
out  the  horses  were  hitched  on  the  wagons, 
and  in  15  minutes  they  were  loaded  and  on 
the  way  to  the  lot,  and  pa  and  I  got  on  the 
first  wagon. 

Talk  about  system.  The  surveyors  were 
there  ahead  of  us,  and  had  measured  off  the 
lot  and  pushed  wire  stakes  in  the  ground 
where  the  grub  tent  was  to  be,  and  when  the 
first  wagon  of  the  grub  outfit  arrived,  which 
contained  a  big  range,  big  enough  to  cook  for 
a  thousand  men,  stove  pipes  were  put  on, 
which  telescoped  up  into  the  air,  and  in  two 
minutes  a  fire  was  built  and  bacon  and  po- 
tatoes and  coffee  were  cooking,  local  bread 
wagons  were  unloading  bread  on  the  grass, 
50  men  put  up  poles  and  spread  the  tent  on, 
and  others  set  up  tables  in  the  tent,  and  in 
half  an  hour  breakfast  was  served  to  the  first 
500  men.  Pa  and  I  drew  up  to  the  first  table, 
but  there  was  a  yell  to  "put  'em  out,"  and  we 
found  we  had  sat  down  to  the  table  of  the 
negro  canvasmen,  and  they  struck  because 
they  would  not  associate  on  an  equality  with 
white  trash. 

Gee,  but  pa  was  mad.     He  said  he  was  as 

57 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

good  as  any  nigger,  and  that  made  them  mad 
and  they  threw  boiled  potatoes  and  scrambled 
eggs  at  pa,  and  we  had  to  retire,  but  when 
pa  complained  to  the  boss  canvasman,  he  told 
pa  to  go  and  eat  with  the  freaks  and  try  and 
keep  in  his  place. 

We  got  breakfast  at  another  table,  and  then 
we  went  out  on  the  lot  to  superintend  the  put- 
ting up  of  the  big  tents.  The  greatest  thing 
was  a  wagon  containng  a  miniature  pile  driver, 
run  by  steam,  which  was  driven  around  out- 
side of  where  the  big  tents  were  to  be,  and 
it  drove  down  the  big  stakes  so  quick  it  would 
make  your  head  swim,  and  the  grounds  were 
covered  with  Peoria  people  who  wanted  to  see 
how  it  was  done. 

Pa  imitated  the  boss  canvasman  by  walking 
around  the  lot  with  his  coat  over  his  arm, 
and  a  dirty  shirt  on,  trying  to  look  tough,  and 
he  bossed  the  sightseers  about,  and  acted 
cross,  and  told  a  man  and  woman  with  a  baby 
wagon  to  get  off  the  lot,  but  pa  was  called 
down  by  the  principal  owner  of  the  show  good 
and  plenty. 

Said  the  owner  to  pa:  "Remember,  the  suc- 
cess of  our  show  depends  on  the  friendship 
and  good  will  of  the  people  who  think  enough 

SB 


They  Threw  Boiled  Potatoes  and  Sof'ambled  Eggs  at  Pa 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

of  us  to  come  out  to  see  us  set  up  keeping 
house,  and  that  they  are  all  our  guests,  and  if 
they  get  in  our  way  we  should  go  around  them, 
and  look  pleasant.  We  must  not  get  the  big 
head  and  show  that  our  hair  pulls,  and  that 
we  are  tired  and  cross.  This  is  a  place  of 
amusement,  and  all  connected  with  the  show 
are  expected  to  heal  up  sores,  instead  of  caus- 
ing bruises,  and  if  you  ever  see  an  employe  of 
this  show  treating  a  visitor  unkindly,  send  him 
to  the  ticket  wagon  to  get  his  wages,  and  tell 
him  to  go  away  quick,  and  stay  away  long." 

You  could  have  lit  a  match  to  pa's  face,  it 
was  so  red  hot,  but  he  learned  a  lesson,  for 
I  saw  him  holding  a  tired  mother's  baby  up 
on  his  shoulders,  so  it  could  see  the  drove  of 
camels  come  up  to  the  lot  from  the  train,  soon 
after.  It  was  great  to  see  all  the  tents  go  up 
as  if  raised  by  machinery,  and  after  all  were 
erected,  and  the  rings  were  graded,  and  the 
animals  in  the  menagerie  tent  all  fed  and  wa- 
tered, and  the  performers  in  the  dressing-room 
ready  for  the  afternoon  performance,  pa  was 
the  proudest  man  ever  was.  He  walked  all 
around,  inspecting  everything,  and  kicking  oc- 
casionally at  something  that  got  balled  up, 
and  when  the  crowd  came  to  buy  tickets,  he 

60 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

stood  around  the  grand  entrance,  looking  wise, 
and  he  was  so  good  natured  that  he  bet  ten 
dollars  he  could  guess  which  walnut  shell  a 
bean  was  under,  which  a  three-card  monte 
man  was  losing  money  at,  and  pa  lost  his  ten 
with  a  smile.  He  said  he  wanted  to  be  kind 
to  the  patrons  of  the  show. 

This  was  my  first  appearance  in  the  show 
business.  I  had  to  stand  up  beside  the  giant, 
to  show  how  little  I  was,  and  then  I  had  to 
stand  up  beside  the  midget  to  show  how  big 
I  was  compared  with  him.  It  went  all  right 
with  the  giant,  because  he  was  so  big  I  was 
afraid  of  him,  but  I  thought  the  midget  was 
about  my  age,  and  needed  protection,  and  when 
the  crowd  surged  around  us  I  said:  "Don't 
be  afraid,  little  fellow,  I  will  see  that  no  one 
harms  you."  The  look  he  gave  me  was  enough 
to  freeze  water. 

When  the  crowd  had  gone  into  the  big  show 
tent,  what  do  you  think,  that  confounded  mid- 
get began  to  ask  me  how  I  stood  on  the  tariff 
question,  and  he  argued  for  free  trade,  what- 
ever that  is,  for  half  an  hour,  and  made  me 
think  of  Bryan  during  a  campaign,  and  then 
he  branched  off  on  to  the  Monroe  doctrine, 
which  I  suppose  is  something  connected  with 

61 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

a  rival  show,  and  I  guess  he  would  be  talking 
yet,  only  a  big  husky  fellow  came  along,  a  fel- 
low about  25  years  old,  and  he  stooped  over 
and  put  his  hand  on  the  midget's  shoulder  and 
said:  "Hello,  dad,"  and  by  gosh,  the  midget 
introduced  me  to  the  big  galoot  as  his  young- 
est son.     Wouldn't  that  skin  you. 

The  first  day  of  the  season  was  great,  only 
all  the  performers  had  not  got  limbered  up. 
One  of  the  girls  on  the  flying  trapeze  fell  off 
into  the  net  from  the  roof  of  the  tent  and  broke 
her  suspenders,  so  when  they  got  her  down  in 
the  ring  it  seemed  as  though  everything  she 
had  on  was  going  to  shuck  loose,  and  leave 
her  with  nothing  but  a  string  of  beads,  and 
pa  went  up  to  wrap  his  coat  around  her,  and 
she  kicked  his  hat  off  and  ran  into  the  dressing- 
room.  The  audience  just  yelled,  and  pa 
blushed  scarlet,  'cause  he  saw  it  was  a  put-up 
job  to  make  him  ridiculous. 

During  the  chariot  races  pa  had  to  jump  like 
a  box  car  to  keep  from  being  run  over  by  a 
four-horse  chariot  driven  by  a  one-horse  girl, 
and  the  attendants  dragged  pa  out  from  under 
a  bunch  of  horses  being  ridden  barebacked, 
like  fury.  Then  two  horses  hitched  together 
with  a  strap  were  being  ridden  by  a  woman, 

62 


She  Kicked  Pa's  Hat  Off. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  strap  broke  and  the  horses  spread  apart, 
and  some  one  yelled  that  she  had  split  clear  in 
two.  Pa  rushed  in  to  help  carry  one  half  of 
her  into  the  dressing-room,  but  she  wasn't 
hurt  at  all,  'cause  the  peanut  boy  told  me  she 
was  a  rubber  woman,  and  you  could  stretch 
her  half  way  across  the  ring,  and  she  would 
come  together  all  right,  and  eat  a  hearty  meal. 
Gee,  but  a  circus  is  a  great  place  to  study 
human  nature. 

In  the  evening  performance  at  Peoria  there 
came  up  a  windstorm  which  blew  down  part 
of  the  menagerie  tent,  where  the  freaks  were, 
and  when  the  storm  was  over,  and  the  tent 
top  was  pulled  up  again,  they  found  pa  all 
right.  He  started  to  crawl  under  the  canvas, 
and  skip  out  for  fear  of  the  animals,  but  the 
fat  lady  caught  him  and  sat  down  on  him. 


64 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER    V. 

The  Rogue  Elephant  Creates  a  Panic  and  Pa 
Proves  Himself  a  Hero — The  Bad  Boy  Gets 
Scolded  for  "Being  Tough"—He  Finds  That 
Audiences  Like  Accidents. 

May  6. — We  had  the  worst  time  at  Akron 
last  week  and  pa  proved  himself  a  hero,  though 
he  was  swatted  good  by  the  rogue  elephant 
before  he  got  his  second  wind  and  went  for  the 
animal. 

We  have  a  male  elephant  that  is  almost 
human,  'cause  he  gets  on  a  tear  about  once  a 
month,  like  a  regular  ugly  husband.  You  can't 
tell  when  his  mind  is  in  condition  for  running 
amuck,  but  suddenly  he  will  whoop  like  a 
drunken  man,  strike  his  poor  patient  wife  over 
the  back  with  his  trunk  and  grab  her  tail  and 
try  to  pull  it  out  by  the  roots,  and  jump  up 
and  crack  his  heels  together  like  a  drunken 
shoemaker,  and  bellow  as  though  he  was  say- 
ing he  was  a  bad  man  from  Bitter  Creek. 

Well,  at  Akron,  the  keeper  of  this  elephant, 
Bolivar,  had  to  go  and  see  a  girl  that  he  met 
when  the  show  was  here  last  year,  and  settle  a 

65 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

case  of  breach  of  promise  before  a  justice  of 
the  peace,  and  the  boss  told  pa  to  look  after 
the  elephant  for  an  hour  or  so.  So  pa  took 
a  pole  with  a  hook  in  it  and  sat  down  on  a 
bale  of  hay  to  watch  Bolivar.  It  was  one  of 
those  hot  days,  and  Bolivar  stood  drooping 
and  perspiring,  and  wishing  the  show  was  in 
Alaska,  and  pa  was  kind  of  sleepy,  like  every- 
body in  the  show,  when  suddenly  that  elephant 
whooped,  and  swatted  Jeanette,  his  wife,  a 
couple  of  times,  and  she  cried  pitiful,  and  pa 
put  the  hook  in  Bolivar's  hide  and  gave  a  jerk, 
and  told  him  to  hush  up  that  noise,  but  Bolivar 
just  reared  and  pitched  and  walked  right 
through  the  side  of  the  menagerie  tent,  and 
seemed  to  say  to  the  other  animals:  "Come 
on,  boys;  there  is  going  to  be  something  do- 
ing," and  the  animals  all  set  up  a  howl  in  their 
own  language,  as  though  they  were  saying: 
4:Whooper  up,  old  man,  and  don't  let  them 
monkey  with  you." 

Bolivar  west  out  in  the  street  and  mowed 
a  wide  swath,  with  pa  after  him,  hooking  him 
all  the  time,  but  he  paid  no  attention  to  pa. 
He  put  his  head  under  the  side  of  a  street  car 
loaded  with  negroes  that  had  come  to  see  the 
show,   dressed  in  the-??  Sunday  clothes,   and 

6& 


Bolivar  Took   Half  a   Watermelon  and   Put  the   Red   Side  on 

Top   of    Pa's    Head, 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

tipped  the  car  over  on  the  side,  and  the  ne~ 
groes  crawled  through  the  windows  and  went 
uptown  yelling  murder,  while  Boliver  went  in 
front  of  a  grocery  store  where  there  was  a  pile 
of  watermelons,  and  began  to  throw  them  at 
the  people  in  the  street,  and  the  negroes 
thought  an  elephant  was  not  so  bad,  so  they 
came  back  and  had  a  feast. 

Pa  tried  to  head  off  Bolivar  at  the  grocery, 
but  Bolivar  took  half  a  watermelon  and  put 
the  red  side  on  top  of  pa's  head,  and  squashed 
it  down  so  the  seeds  and  juice  and  pulp  ran 
down  pa's  shirt  and  neck,  and  he  looked  as 
though  murder  had  been  committed,  but  pa 
wiped  his  face  on  his  shirt  sleeve  and  showed 
game,  because  he  kept  mauling  Bolivar  with 
the  hook.  Bolivar  broke  up  a  millinery  store 
by  throwing  tomatoes  at  the  women  in  the 
windows,  and  he  went  into  a  yard  where  a 
woman  was  washing  and  squirted  the  bluing 
water  all  over  the  woman,  and  all  over  pa, 
and  then  he  chewed  the  clothes  on  the  line,  and 
drove  the  family  over  the  fence. 

You'd  a  died  to  see  those  milliners  climb 
over  a  high  board  fence  head  first,  and  Bolivar 
actually  seemed  to  laugh.  Bolivar  run  one  of 
his  tusks  through  a  barrel  of  gasoline,  and  it 

68 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

run  out  on  the  street  car  track,  and  an  elec- 
tric spark  set  it  on  fire,  and  the  fire  depart- 
ment turned  out,  but  the  engines  had  to  all 
go  around  Bolivar,  'cause  he  wouldn't  budge 
an  inch,  but  seemed  to  say:  "Let  'er  rip,  boys; 
this  is  the  Fourth  of  July." 

The  circus  men  began  to  come  with  ropes 
and  clubs,  to  tie  Bolivar  and  throw  him,  but 
he  escaped  into  a  side  street  and  watched  the 
engines  put  out  the  fire,  and  he  swung  around 
with  his  trunk  and  tusks  and  wouldn't  let  any- 
one come  near  him  but  pa  with  the  hook,  and 
he  seemed  to  enjoy  the  prodding,  but  I  guess 
that  gave  him  courage  to  keep  on  doing  things. 

The  principal  proprietor  of  the  show  came 
along,  and  when  he  saw  pa  with  watermelon 
and  bluing  water  all  over  him,  and  perspira- 
tion rolling  down  his  face,  he  said  to  pa:  "Why 
don't  you  take  your  elephant  back  to  the  lot, 
'cause  the  afternoon  performance  is  about  to 
begin,"  and  that  made  pa  mad,  and  he  said: 
"You  go  on  with  your  afternoon  performance, 
and  I  will  have  Bolivar  there  all  right,"  and 
then  everybody  laughed,  but  pa  knew  what 
he  was  about. 

Pa  dropped  his  hook  and  went  to  a  hose 
cart    and   took   a    Babcock    extinguisher   and 

69 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

strapped  it  on  his  back  and  went  up  to  Boli- 
var, who  was  tipping  over  some  dummies  in 
front  of  a  clothing  store,  and  pa  said:  "Boli- 
var, you  lay  down,"  but  Bolivar  threw  a  seven- 
dollar  suit  of  clothes  at  pa,  and  bellowed,  as 
much  as  to  defy  pa.  Pa  turned  the  cock  of  the 
extinguisher,  and  pointed  the  nozzle  at  Boli- 
var's head,  and  began  to  squirt  the  medicated 
water  all  over  him.  For  a  moment  Bolivar 
acted  as  though  he  couldn't  take  a  joke,  and 
was  going  to  start  off  again,  but  pa  kept 
squirting,  and  when  the  chemical  water  began 
to  eat  into  Bolivar's  hide,  the  big  animal  weak- 
ened, and  trumpeted  in  token  of  surrender, 
and  kneeled  down  in  front  of  pa,  and  finally 
got  down  so  pa  could  get  on  his  back,  and  pa 
took  the  hook  and  hooked  it  in  the  flap  of  Bol- 
ivar's ear,  where  is  a  tender  spot,  and  he  told 
Boliver  to  get  up  and  go  back  to  the  tent,  and 
Bolivar  was  as  meek  as  a  lamb,  and  he  got  up, 
with  pa  on  his  back,  and  the  fire  extinguisher 
on  pa's  back,  and  marched  back  to  the  tent, 
through  the  hole  he  had  made  coming  out. 
Thousands  of  people  followed,  and  cheered 
pa,  and  when  they  got  in  the  tent  pa  said  to  the 
principal  owner  of  the  show,  who  had  made 
*un  of  him:    "Here's  your  elephant,  and  when- 

70 


3 — 1 


Pa   Turned   the    Cock   of   the    Extinguisher   and    Pointed  the 
Nozzle  at   Bolivar's   Head. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ever  any  of  your  old  animals  get  on  the  war- 
path, and  you  want  'em  rounded  up,  don't  for- 
get my  number,  'cause  I  can  knock  the  spots 
out  of  any  animal  except  a  giraffe."  The 
crowd  cheered  pa  again  and  he  got  down  off 
the  elephant,  took  off  his  fire  extinguisher, 
and  handed  Bolivar  a  piece  of  rag  carpet,  and 
said:  "Eat  it,  you  old  catamaran,  or  I'll  kill 
you,"  and  Bolivar  was  so  scared  of  pa  he  eat 
the  carpet,  which  shows  the  power  of  brain 
over  avoirdupois,  pa  says. 

The  regular  keeper  of  Bolivar  heard  he  was 
on  the  rampage,  and  he  came  back  on  the  run 
to  conquer  him,  after  pa  had  got  him  back  in 
the  tent,  but  Bolivar  looked  at  him  with  a  far- 
away look  in  his  eyes,  as  much  as  to  say*. 
"Seems  to  me  I  have  met  you  somewhere  be- 
fore, but  a  new  king  has  been  crowned,"  and 
he  took  his  old  keeper  by  the  back  of  his  coat 
and  threw  him  toward  the  monkey  cage.  The 
monkeys  gave  the  keeper  the  laugh,  and  Bol- 
ivar put  his  trunk  lovingly  on  pa's  shoulder, 
and  seemed  to  say:  "Old  man,  you  are  it, 
from  this  time  out."  Pa  looked  proud,  and  the 
old  keeper  looked  sick.  The  people  in  the  show 
are  going  to  present  pa  with  a  loving  cup,  and 

72 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

I  guess  he  can  run  the  menagerie  part  of  the 
show. 

When  the  freaks  heard  of  pa's  bravery,  the 
fat  woman  and  the  bearded  lady  wanted  to 
hug  pa,  but  pa  waved  them  away,  and  said 
he  liked  the  elephant  business  best. 

May  7. — I  used  to  think  that  if  I  could  be- 
long to  a  circus,  and  go  away  with  it  when  it 
left  the  town  I  lived  in,  that  it  would  be  pretty 
near  going  to  heaven.  I  used  to  hope  for  the 
time  when  I  would  get  nerve  enough  to  run 
away,  and  go  with  a  circus,  and  wear  a  dirty 
shirt,  and  be  around  a  tent  and  wash  off  the 
legs  of  a  spotted  horse  with  castile  soap,  and 
when  people  gathered  about  me  to  watch  the 
proceedings,  to  look  tough  and  tell  them  in  a 
hoarse  voice  way  down  my  throat,  sort  of 
husky  from  sleeping  in  the  wet  straw  with 
the  spotted  horse,  that  they  must  go  on  about 
their  business,  and  not  disturb  the  horse. 

I  had  thought  if  I  should  run  away  and  go 
with  a  circus,  some  day,  when  I  got  far  enough 
away  from  ma,  that  I  would  up  and  swear, 
and  be  tough,  and  when  I  came  home  in  the 
fall,  and  the  neighbor  boys  would  come  around 
me,  I  would  chew  tobacco  and  tell  them  of  the 

73 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

joys  of  circus  life.  Well,  maybe  I  will  some 
day,  but  at  present  I  am  sleepy  all  the  time. 

We  have  showed  six  times  the  last  week, 
and  traveled  a  thousand  miles,  and  it  seems 
as  though  there  is  nothing  doing  but  putting 
up  and  taking  down  tents,  and  going  to  and 
from  the  cars,  and  you  can't  be  tough,  'cause 
there  is  always  some  boss  around  to  tell  you 
to  look  pleasant  if  you  are  cross,  and  to  tell 
you  to  change  your  shirt  or  get  out  of  the 
show,  and  if  you  swear  at  anything  you  are 
called  down. 

Pa  and  I  put  in  a  good  deal  of  time  during 
the  afternoon  and  evening  performances  in 
the  dressing-room,  near  the  door  leading  to 
the  main  tent.  That  is  the  nearest  to  being  in 
an  insane  asylum  of  any  place  I  was  ever  in. 
The  performers  get  ready  for  their  several  acts 
in  bunches  or  families,  all  in  one  spot,  and 
they  act  serious  and  jaw  each  other,  and  each 
bunch  acts  as  though  their  act  was  all  there 
was  to  the  show,  and  if  it  was  cut  out  for  any 
reason,  the  show  would  have  to  lay  up  for  the 
season,  when  in  fact  each  one  is  only  a  cog 
in  the  great  wheel,  and  if  one  cog  should  slip, 
the  wheel  would  turn  just  the  same.  These 
people  never  smile  before  they  go  in  the  ring, 

74 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

but  just  act  as  though  too  much  depended  on 
them  to  crack  a  smile.  When  a  bunch  is  calktl 
to  go  in  the  ring,  they  all  look  at  each  other 
as  though  it  was  the  parting  of  the  ways,  and 
they  clasp  hands  and  go  out  of  the  dressing- 
room  as  though  walking  on  eggs.  When  they 
get  in  the  ring  they  look  around  to  see  if  all 
eyes  are  upon  them,  and  bow  to  people  who 
are  looking  at  something  going  on  in  another 
ring,  and  who  don't  see  them,  and  then  they 
go  through  their  performance  with  everybody 
looking  somewhere  else. 

When  the  act  is  over  the  audience  seems 
glad,  and  clap  their  hands  because  they  are 
polite,  and  it  don't  cost  anything  to  clap  hands, 
and  the  performers  turn  some  more  flip  flaps, 
and  go  running  out  to  the  dressing-room,  and 
take  a  peek  back  into  the  big  tent  as  though 
expecting  an  encore,  but  the  audience  has  for- 
gotten them  and  is  looking  for  the  next  mess 
of  performers,  and  the  ones  who  have  just  been 
in  go  and  lie  down  on  straw  and  wonder  if 
they  can  hit  the  treasurer  for  an  advance  on 
their  salaries,  so  they  can  go  to  a  beer  garden 
and  forget  it  all. 

An  average  audience  never  gets  its  money's 
worth   unless   some   one   is   hurt   doing   some 

75 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

daring  act.  Pa  suggested  that  they  have  some 
one  pretend  to  be  hurt  in  every  act,  and  have 
them  picked  up  and  carried  out  on  stretchers 
with  doctors  wearing  red  crosses  on  their  arms 
in  attendance,  giving  medicine  and  restora- 
tives. The  show  tried  it  at  Bucyrus,  O.,  and 
had  seven  men  and  two  women  injured  so 
they  had  to  be  carried  out,  and  the  audience 
went  wild,  and  almost  mobbed  the  dressing- 
room,  to  see  the  doctor  operate  on  the  injured. 
It  was  such  a  great  success  that  next  week  we 
are  going  to  put  in  an  automobile  ambulance 
and  have  an  operating  table  in  the  dressing- 
room  with  a  gauze  screen  so  the  audiences  can 
see  us  cut  off  legs  like  they  do  in  a  hospital. 
Maybe  we  shall  put  in  a  dissecting  room  if 
the  people  seem  to  demand  it. 


76 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER    VI. 

The  Bad  Boy  Puts  Fly-Paper  in  the  Bob  Cat's 
Cage — The  Bob  Cat  Causes  a  Panic  in  the 
Main  Tent — The  Midget  Quarrels  with  the 
Giant — Pa  is  Almost  Arrested  for  Kidnap- 
ing and  the  Ostrich  Swallows  His  Diamond 
Stud. 

May  14. — This  has  been  a  week  that  would 
kill  anybody,  and  pa  and  I  talk  of  resigning, 
though  pa  feels  as  though  he  didn't  want  to 
break  up  the  show  by  going  away  right  in  the 
middle  of  the  harvesting  of  shekels  from  the 
country  men,  and  I  don't  know  what  would 
happen  if  pa  and  I  should  both  be  taken  sick 
at  the  same  time. 

The  boss  of  the  menagerie  got  a  new  animal 
by  express  from  Colorado  when  we  were  leav- 
ing Akron,  O.,  and  we  got  it  in  one  end  of  a 
cage  occupied  by  a  happy  family  of  rabbits, 
coons,  a  spotted  leopard  and  a  hound  dog  and 
a  house  cat.  The  new  animal  was  a  bob  cat, 
such  as  Roosevelt  shoots  when  the  man  has 
the  camera  ready  to  catch  him  in  the  act.  Say, 
but  that  bob  cat  is  a  terror,  and  crosser  than 

77 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

any  animal  we  got,  except  the  hyenas.  The 
bob  cat  just  walked  around  and  snarled  and 
spit  at  the  happy  family  through  the  bars,  and 
kept  them  awake  all  night  on  the  road,  and  the 
happy  family  held  a  sort  of  convention  and  I 
could  see  by  the  way  they  all  looked  at  me 
that  they  were  passing  resolutions  inviting  me 
to  break  up  the  bob  cat  business.  The  man- 
ager of  the  menagerie  told  pa  he  wished  the 
confounded  bob  cat  would  escape,  'cause  he 
was  a  blooming  nuisance,  so  I  thought  I  would 
help  get  rid  of  the  beast,  and  save  the  show 
from  disgrace.  So  when  we  got  to  Oberlin 
I  thought  that  was  a  pious  community  that 
could  stand  a  wild  bob  cat,  so  I  put  several 
sheets  of  sticky  tanglefoot  fly  paper  in  the  bob 
cat's  cage  and  opened  the  door  of  the  cage, 
after  the  crowd  had  gone  into  the  main  tent 
to  the  big  show,  and  the  menagerie  tent  was 
empty  except  the  keepers.  They  were  all 
asleep  under  the  wagons,  and  the  animals  had 
all  curled  down  for  a  nap,  and  the  freaks  were 
on  their  platform  lolling  around,  waiting  for 
the  main  show  to  be  out  so  they  could  do  their 
stunts  over  again. 

The  bob  cat  got  all  his  four  feet  in  the  tan- 
glefoot fly  paper,  then  he  grabbed  a  sheet  in 

78 


The  Bob  Cat  Struck  Pa  on  the  Back. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

his  mouth  and  rolled  over  in  a  few  more  sheets, 
and  when  he  was  entirely  harmless  and  you 
couldn't  tell  what  he  was,  I  opened  the  door  of 
the  cage  and  he  went  out  like  a  rocket,  and 
rolled  over  a  few  times  in  the  sawdust,  and 
then  jumped  on  the  platform  with  the  freaks, 
run  over  the  fat  woman,  who  was  laying  back 
in  a  Morris  chair,  and  left  one  of  the  sheets 
of  fly  paper  on  her  low  neck,  and  it  stuck  like 
a  porous  plaster.  She  yelled  that  she  had  been 
stabbed,  and  pa  came  along  just  as  the  bob  cat 
jumped  off  the  platform,  and  struck  pa  on  the 
back,  and  the  cat  spit  at  pa,  and  pa  fell  over 
among  the  sacred  cattle  and  rolled  under  a 
cow  and  got  on  his  knees,  when  the  animals 
all  began  to  roar,  and  pa  crawled  behind  a  bale 
of  hay,  and  a  zebra  stepped  on  pa's  face,  and 
pa  yelled  "Hey,  Rube,"  which  is  a  grand  hail- 
ing sign  of  distress  when  circus  men  want  to 
fight,  and  about  a  hundred  of  the  canvasmen 
came  running  with  tent  stakes  to  hit  people 
with. 

Pa  crawled  out  from  the  bale  of  hay,  whicn 
he  had  pulled  over  him,  and  the  hay  stuck  to 
the  fly  paper  on  pa,  and  a  camel  began  to  eat 
the  hay,  and  he  chewed  pa's  shirt  until  the 
hands  pulled  pa  away. 

80 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

The  bob  cat  escaped  into  the  main  tent, 
just  as  the  Japanese  jugglers  were  juggling  in 
No.  i  ring,  and  the  elephants  were  standing 
on  their  heads  in  No.  2  ring,  and  the  flying 
trapeze  artists  were  jumping  from  one  trapeze 
to  another,  and  the  bob  cat  rushed  through 
the  Japanese,  and  amongst  the  elephants,  with 
the  fly  paper  all  over  him,  and  the  audience 
fairly  yelled,  'cause  they  thought  it  was  a  clown 
dressed  up  to  do  some  stunt,  but  the  Japanese 
left  the  ring  in  a  panic,  while  the  elephants 
got  down  off  their  heads  and  stood  on  their 
hind  feet  and  cried  like  children. 

The  audience  saw  that  something  had  hap- 
pened that  was  serious  and  they  all  rose  to 
their  feet  and  were  going  off  into  a  panic  when 
pa  and  a  few  brave  men  came  and  drove  the 
bob  cat  up  a  centerpole,  away  up  above  the 
torches,  and  made  speeches  to  the  audience, 
and  quieted  them  down,  and  the  performance 
went  on.  But  pa  was  a  sight,  and  the  head 
circus  man  told  pa  he  would  have  to  dress  bet- 
ter, or  forever  after  hold  his  peace,  and  pa  said 
if  any  man  could  be  more  patient  than  he  was, 
with  a  bob  cat  on  his  neck,  a  sacred  cow  walk- 
ing on  him,  and  a  camel  trying  to  eat  his  whis- 
kers and  shirt,  they  better  hire  that  man. 

81 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

But  it  was  all  fixed  up  and  everybody  apol- 
ogized to  everybody,  and  the  bob  cat  went 
on  up  the  center  pole  and  out  on  top  of  the 
canvas  and  escaped  into  Ohio,  where  it  will 
probably  be  holding  office  before  next  fall. 

Gee,  but  the  giant  is  a  coward.  When  the 
bob  cat  began  to  run  up  the  giant's  leg,  and 
then  up  his  back,  and  then  jumped  from  his 
shoulder  onto  the  fat  lady,  the  giant  turned 
pale  and  cried,  and  the  midget  said  to  him: 
"O,  you  big  stiff,  why  didn't  you  have  sand 
enough  to  hold  the  kitty  till  the  keeper  came? 
I've  a  good  mind  to  get  on  a  stepladder  and 
kick  you,"  and  the  cowardly  giant  cried  again, 
and  said  if  the  midget  ever  struck  him  he  would 
report  him  to  the  management.  Just  then 
pa  came  along  and  asked  what  the  row  was 
about,  and  when  pa  found  that  the  midget  was 
trying  to  pick  a  quarrel  with  the  giant,  he  took 
the  midget  across  his  knee  and  gave  him  a 
few  spanks,  and  told  him  to  quit  bullying  the 
freaks.  The  midget  got  up  on  a  barrel  and 
called  his  son,  who  is  bigger  than  pa,  when 
I  stepped  in  between  them  and  told  the  mid- 
get's son  if  he  struck  my  father  I  would  have 
his  heart's  blood,  and  he  quailed,  and  then  I 

82 


WITH    THE  CIRCUS 

bullied  the  giant,  who  is  a  coward,  and  now 
they  are  all  afraid  of  me. 

I  don't  see  how  a  big  fellow  like  a  giant  can 
be  afraid  of  things  smaller  than  he  is,  and  shy 
when  a  dog  barks,  and  be  afraid  some  one  is 
going  to  smash  him  in  the  jaw,  but  pa  says  the 
size  of  a  man  don't  make  any  difference,  'cause 
it  is  the  heart  that  does  the  business.  A  man 
may  be  big  enough  and  strong  enough  to  tip 
over  a  box  car,  loaded  with  pig  iron,  but  if  his 
heart  is  one  of  these  little  ones  intended  for 
a  miser,  with  no  pepper  sauce  running  from 
the  heart  to  the  arteries  and  things,  and  a  liver 
that  is  white,  and  nerves  that  are  trembly,  and 
no  gall  to  speak  of,  why  a  big  man  is  liable  to 
be  walked  all  over  by  a  nervy  little  man  who 
is  spunky,  and  gets  mad  and  froths  at  the 
mouth. 

I  have  been  having  great  times  with  the 
monkeys,  and  I  guess  the  manager  will  make 
me  superintendent  of  monkeys,  'cause  they  all 
seem  to  be  stuck  on  me,  and  will  do  anything 
I  tell  them  to.  Pa  says  they  think  I  am  some 
new  kind  of  a  monkey,  and  they  look  up  to 
me.  I  lead  out  the  big  monkeys  that  ride  the 
goats  and  dogs,  and  have  a  horse  race  in  the 
ring,  and  fasten  them  on  the  little  animals, 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  when  they  ride  around  the  ring  on  the 
dogs  and  goats  and  ponies,  they  keep  looking 
at  me  as  though  they  wanted  my  approval. 

There  is  one  little  monkey  that  sleeps  nearly 
all  the  time,  and  I  played  a  trick  on  pa  with 
it  that  like  to  got  me  arrested  and  licked  by 
a  man  who  was  mad.     A  man   and  woman 
with  a  baby  in  a  little    wagon    were    going 
through  the  menagerie,  and  it  was  crowded, 
and  they  left  the  baby  and    wagon    in    pa's 
charge,  near  the  monkey  cage,  while  they  went 
to  see  the  hippopotamus.     Pa  is  the  most  ac- 
commodating man  about  holding  babies  that 
ever  was.    The  baby  was  asleep  when  its  folks 
left  it  in  the  wagon  with  pa,  but  it  woke  up 
while  they  were  gone,  and  pa  took  it  out  of 
the  baby  wagon  and  carried  it  around  just  as 
he  would  at  home,  and  showed  it  the  animals, 
and  held  it  up  on  his  shoulder,  and  I  took  the 
little  monkey  and  put  it  in  the  baby  wagon, 
and  it  went  to  sleep,  and  I  put  a  veil  over  it, 
and  was  standing  by  the  wagon  talking  with 
a   peanut  butcher,  when  the  parents   of  the 
baby  came  back,  and  the  woman  raised  up  the 
veil  to  see  if  the  child  was  asleep,  when  the 
monkey  woke  up  and  put  its  hairy  hands  up  to 
rub  it'    eyes.     The  monkey  looked  up  at  the 

84 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

woman  with  beady  eyes  and  began  to  chatter, 
and  she  yelled  and  her  husband  took  a  look 
at  the  monk,  and  he  was  mad.  They  could 
both  see  it  was  a  monkey  instead  of  a  baby, 
and  they  asked  where  the  old  man  with  the 
chin  whiskers  was  that  they  left  the  baby  with, 
and  the  peanut  butcher  said:  "What,  that  old 
guy  with  the  checkered  vest?  Why,  he  has 
gone  with  the  baby  over  to  the  lion  cage,  where 
they  are  feeding  the  lions.  Don't  you  see  him 
holding  the  baby  upon  his  shoulder?"  By 
ginger,  I  never  saw  two  people  sprint  the  way 
they  did,  'cause  I  guess  they  thought  pa  was 
sure  crazy,  and  would  give  the  baby  to  the 
lions.  But  I  told  them  the  old  man  was  all 
right,  and  would  bring  the  baby  back,  and  if 
he  didn't  they  could  have  the  monkey,  'cause 
I  didn't  want  them  to  think  they  were  going 
to  be  losers  while  attending  our  show.  Then 
I  chucked  the  monkey  under  the  chin  and  said : 
"Maybe  this  is  your  baby,  'cause  they  change 
wonderfully  when  they  get  into  a  show." 

Well,  I  just  had  time  to  put  the  monkey 
back  in  the  cage  when  I  saw  that  couple  sur- 
round pa,  and  the  woman  grabbed  the  baby 
out  of  his  arms,  and  the  man  tackled  pa  around 
the  legs  below  the  knee,  and  threw  pa  down 

85 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

under  the  ostrich  cage,  and  said:  "You  kid- 
naper! I  am  a  good  mind  to  choke  the  life 
out  of  you,"  and  he  squeezed  pa's  windpipe 
until  pa's  tongue  run  out,  when  a  canvasman 
came  along  and  hit  the  man  in  the  ear,  and 
he  laid  down  near  a  zebra,  and  the  zebra  kicked 
at  the  man  and  hit  pa,  'cause  a  zebra  is  cross- 
eyed and  kicks  like  a  woman  throws  a  stone, 
and  no  man  knows  where  it  listeth. 

Pa  got  up  to  murder  the  man  that  choked 
him,  when  the  ostrich  reached  its  head  out 
between  the  bars  of  the  cage  and  picked  pa's 
big  diamond  stud  off  his  shirt,  big  as  a  piece 
of  rock  candy,  and  swallowed  it,  and  pa  said 
that's  the  limit,  and  he  called  the  manager 
and  asked  him  how  he  was  going  to  get  his 
diamond  stud  out  of  the  ostrich.  The  manager 
told  pa  to  go  to  the  dressing-room  and  ask 
the  woman  who  has  charge  of  the  wardrobe 
for  the  ostrich  stomach  pump,  and  when  he 
got  the  stomach  pump  the  manager  said  the 
ostrich  would  cough  up  the  diamond  stud. 
Pa  went  off  to  the  dressing-room  to  get  the 
©strich  stomach  pump,  and  I  knew  there  was 
going  to  be  trouble,  'cause  I  thought  the  man- 
ager was  just  stringing  pa. 

Well,  he  went  up  to  the  woman  in  the  dress- 

86 


Th«  Man  Tackled  Pa. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ing-room,  and  said  he  came  after  her  stomach 
pump,  ostrich  size,  and  you'd  a  died  to  see  the 
ruction.  The  woman  looked  at  pa  as  though 
he  had  escaped  from  a  sanitarium,  and  then 
she  seemed  to  think  he  was  trying  to  make 
game  of  her,  and  she  said:  'You  old  skate, 
do  you  know  who  you  have  the  honor  of  ad- 
dressing? I  am  the  queen  of  this  realm,  and 
they  all  kow-tow  to  me;  now  you  come  and 
take  your  medicine,"  and  before  pa  could  say 
boo  she  had  pulled  a  big  clothes  bag  over  his 
head  and  tied  it  around  his  feet,  and  said: 
"Come  on,  girls,  we  are  going  to  have  roasted 
missionary,"  and  they  were  lighting  a  gaso- 
line torch  to  roast  pa,  when  the  owner  of  the 
show  came  along  and  asked  what  was  up. 
When  the  wrardrobe  woman  told  him  pa  had 
insulted  her,  the  owner  gave  her  $10  to  buy 
champagne  for  the  performers,  and  she  re- 
leased pa,  and  he  went  back  to  choke  his  dia- 
mond out  of  the  ostrich. 

Pa  says  this  life  is  more  exciting,  if  anything, 
than  staying  at  home,  and  it  will  either  kill 
him  or  cure  him  of  a  desire  to  be  a  Barnum 
in  about  a  month  more. 


88 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  VII. 

The  Circus  Has  a  Yellow  Fever  Scare — The 
Bad  Boy  and  His  Dad  Dress  Up  as  Hotten- 
tots— Pa  Takes  a  Mustard  Bath  and  Attends 
a  Revival  Meeting. 

Well,  we  have  had  a  row  for  your  life,  and 
all  the  excitement  anybody  can  stand.  We 
got  into  Indiana  and  have  had  a  yellow  fever 
scare,  a  quarantine  that  lasted  one  night,  so 
nobody  could  sleep  on  our  train,  a  riot  at  Ev- 
ansville  'cause  we  took  on  a  couple  of  female 
trapeze  women  that  came  from  Honduras,  via 
New  Orleans,  and  a  revival  of  religion,  all  in 
one  bunch,  and  pa  is  beginning  to  get  haggard, 
like  a  hag. 

The  female  trapeze  performers,  who  had 
been  expected  ever  since  we  started  on  the 
road,  had  been  quarantined  at  New  Orleans, 
where  the  yellow  fever  is  raging,  and  finally 
got  through  the  quarantine  guard  somewhere 
in  Mississippi,  and  got  to  us  Saturday  after- 
noon, and  some  official  telegraphed  to  the 
mayor  that  two  yellow  fever  refugees  had 
struck  his  town  to  join  the  circus,  and  he  or- 

89 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

dered  the  chief  of  police  to  hunt  them  out, 
and  put  them  in  a  pest  house.  The  Honduras 
females  were  yellow  as  saffron,  but  it  was 
caused  by  the  climate  of  Honduras,  but  the 
whole  show  was  scared  to  death  for  fear  we 
would  all  have  yellow  fever,  and  the  manage- 
ment detailed  pa  and  I  to  hide  the  yellow  girls 
from  the  police. 

Pa  fixed  up  one  of  the  cages,  with  the  girls 
blacked  up  as  Hottentots  and  pa  and  I  blacked 
up  as  an  African  king  and  prince  of  the  blood, 
and  we  did  stunts  in  the  cage  at  afternoon 
and  evening  performances,  and  the  crowd 
could  not  keep  away  from  our  cage,  until  pa 
got  hot  and  unbuttoned  his  shirt  and,  before 
we  knew  it,  everybody  saw  pa's  white  skin 
below  where  his  face  and  neck  were  blacked, 
and  while  we  were  talking  gibberish  to  each 
other  a  country  jake  got  mad  and  he  led  a 
crowd  to  open  the  cage  and  make  us  remove 
our  shirts  to  prove  that  we  were  Hottentots. 

When  they  found  we  were  white  people 
blacked  up  they  wanted  their  money  back  and 
were  going  to  tip  over  the  cage,  when  pa  saved 
the  day  by  making  a  speech,  at  the  evening 
performance,  to  the  effect  that  we  were  all 
yellow  fever  refugees  from  New  Orleans  and 

90 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

the  mob  lit  out  on  the  run  for  the  main  tent, 
where  they  announced  that  there  were  four 
cases  of  fever  in  the  menagerie  tent,  and  that 
settled  it. 

The  mayor  and  police  closed  the  show  on 
account  of  yellow  fever,  and  we  couldn't  get 
out  of  the  tent.  Pa  had  been  quite  close 
to  the  yellow  girls  and  when  he  found  out 
that  yellow  fever  was  a  disease  that  catches 
you  when  not  looking,  and  in  15  minutes  you 
look  like  a  corpse,  and  in  four  hours  you  are 
liable  to  be  a  sure  enough  corpse,  he  shook 
the  yellow  girls,  and  asked  an  old  sailor  what 
a  man  ought  to  do  who  has  been  exposed 
to  yellow  fever,  and  the  old  sailor,  who  has 
had  yellow  fever  lots  of  times,  told  pa  to  strip 
off  his  clothes  and  take  a  bath  of  prepared 
mustard,  and  rub  it  in  thoroughly,  and  then 
wipe  it  off,  and  take  a  vinegar  rub,  and  after 
that  sprinkle  a  little  red  pepper  on  himself, 
put  on  different  clothes  and  drink  about  a  gal- 
ion  of  red  lemonade  and  he  could  defy  yellow 
fever. 

Pa  is  an  easy  mark  and  he  believed  the  old 
sailor,  who  is  tattooed  and  makes  a  show  of 
himself  with  the  freaks,  and  pa  took  a  change 
of  clothes  and  a  bottle  of  mustard  and  a  cruet 

91 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

of  vinegar  and  a  bottle  of  red  pepper  and  went 
into  a  dressing  room  and  got  behind  a  wagon 
and  began  to  take  the  cure  the  sailor  had  pre- 
scribed. I  don't  know  as  it  was  right  to  do 
it,  but  about  the  time  pa  had  got  to  the  red 
pepper  course  and  was  sprinkling  it  on  his 
skin  pretty  thick,  and  he  was  beginning  to  get 
pretty  hot,  and  was  yelling  a  little,  I  told  the 
chief  of  police,  who  was  looking  around  with 
the  health  officer  for  suspicious  cases,  that 
there  was  a  man  acting  sort  of  queer  behind 
the  wagon  that  had  a  piece  of  canvas  over  the 
wheels.  They  both  rushed  in  on  pa  and 
grabbed  him. 

Gee!  but  pa  looked  and  smelled  like  a  plate 
of  pigs'  feet  and  the  doctor  said  it  was  an  un- 
mistakable case  of  yellow  fever,  he  could  tell 
by  the  smell,  and  then  pa  turned  pale  and 
yellow  from  fright,  and  they  wrapped  him  up 
in  a  piece  of  canvas  and  took  him  away  in  an 
emergency  hospital  ambulance,  and  the  whole 
show  at  once  knew  that  we  were  in  for  a  quar- 
antine. 

They  burned  up  the  suit  of  clothes  pa  took 
off  and  the  one  he  was  going  to  put  on,  and 
the  ambulance  drove  away,  while  pa  shook 
one  fist  at  the  sailor  and  one  at  me,  and  his 

92 


The  Doctor  Said  it  was  an  Unmistakable  Case  of  Yellow  Fever 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

skin  began  to  shrink  and  smart,  and  he  yelled, 
and  the  audience  stampeded,  and  the  show  was 
in  the  dumps. 

We  had  to  stay  over  Sunday  in  Evansville, 
and  the  show  people  were  so  scared  the  man- 
ager thought  he  better  have  religious  services 
in  the  tent  Sunday,  so  they  got  a  revivalist 
preacher  to  preach  to  them,  a  fellow  who  used 
to  preach  to  the  cowboys  out  west.  Sunday 
morning  the  tough  fellows  in  the  show  said 
they  wouldn't  do  a  thing  to  the  preacher  when 
he  came  on  to  do  his  stunt.  Their  idea  was 
to  wait  until  he  got  well  on  his  sermon  and 
then  begin  to  interrupt  him  and  ask  questions, 
and  finally  to  get  a  blanket  and  toss  him  up  a 
few  times  for  luck,  and  then  chase  him  out 
and  have  the  circus  bulldog,  that  chews  the 
clown's  pants,  catch  the  minister's  coat  tail 
and  just  scare  him  plum  to  death. 

The  boys  said  it  would  be  the  biggest  picnic 
that  ever  was — a  regular  barbecue.  The  boss 
canvasman  said  he  was  opposed  to  mixing  re- 
ligion with  the  circus  business,  because  the 
fellows  could  get  all  the  religion  they  needed 
in  the  winter,  when  the  show  was  laid  up  and 
he  would  see  the  boys  through  in  anything 
they  proposed  to  do  to  the  sky  pilot  that  was 

94 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

going  to  play  his  game  in  ring  No.  I  at  10:30 
the  next  day. 

Well,  after  I  heard  the  circus  men  talk  about 
what  they  would  do  to  the  preacher,  I  was 
afraid  they  would  kill  him,  so  when  he  and 
a  helper  brought  a  little  melodeon  into  the 
ring,  facing  the  reserved  seats,  I  told  him  the 
boys  were  going  to  raise  a  rumpus  and  drive 
hi-m  out  of  the  tent  with  the  bulldog  hanging 
to  his  coat  tails.  He  put  his  hand  on  his  pistol 
pocket  and  pulled  a  long,  blue  gun  about  half 
way  out,  and  let  it  drop  back  down  beside  his 
leg,  and  he  winked  at  me  and  said  he  guessed 
not,  scarcely,  as  he  had  preached  to  crowds  so 
tough  that  a  circus  gang  was  a  Sunday  school 
in  comparison. 

Then  I  got  on  a  front  seat  to  watch  the  fun. 
About  800  of  the  circus  hands,  performers, 
clowns  and  peanut  butchers,  came  in,  snicker- 
ing, and  sat  down  on  the  reserved  seats  in 
front  of  the  little  pulpit,  improvised  from  the 
barrels  the  elephants  stand  on,  and  some  of 
them  laughed  and  said:  "Hello,  Bill!"  and 
"Ah,  there!"  and  "Get  on  to  his  collar,"  and 
a  lot  of  other  things. 

The  little  husky  preacher  had  a  Salvation 
Army  girl  to  play  the  melodeon,  and  he  didn't 

95 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

take  any  notice  of  the  remarks  the  boys  made, 
except  to  set  his  jaws  together  and  moisten 
his  lips.  Finally  they  were  all  seated,  and  he 
got  up  to  open  the  services,  when  a  big  can- 
vasman,  a  regular  Smart  Aleck,  got  up  on  a 
seat  and  said:  "Pardner,  how  you  going  to 
open  this  jack  pot?" 

The  crowd  laughed  and  the  preacher  pulled 
his  long  blue  gun  up  out  of  his  pocket,  and 
laid  it  on  the  barrel,  and  then  picked  it  up  and 
pointed  it  at  the  big  canvasman  and  said: 
"This  game  is  going  to  be  opened  with  this 
hand,  seven  of  a  kind,  all  45  caliber,  dum-dum 
bullets,  and  unless  you  sit  down  quick  I  will 
send  a  mess  of  bullets  into  your  carcass  right 
where  your  heart  ought  to  be.  If  you  open 
your  mouth  again  before  I  say  'amen!'  real 
loud  at  the  close  of  the  services,  I  will  shoot 
all  your  front  teeth  out.  Do  you  comprehend? 
If  so,  be  seated." 

The  big  fellow  dropped  on  to  the  blue  seat, 
as  though  he  had  been  hit  with  a  piledriver, 
and  the  crowd  was  so  tickled  to  have  the 
bully's  bluff  called,  that  they  cheered  the 
preacher.  Then  he  said.  "We  will  now  open 
this  jack  pot  with  singing  and  I  shall  keep  one 

0 


After  Scratchinq  His  Head  a  Minute,  Ike  Turned  and  Walked 

Toward  the  Preacher. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

eye  on  the  gentleman  who  was  last  up,  but 
who  is  now  seated  pretty  low  down." 

You  could  have  heard  a  pin  drop. 

The  preacher  wiped  his  face  calmly,  and 
said:  "We  will  now  sing  and  I  expect  every 
man  will  sing,  and  to  that  end  I  will  appoint 
Big  Ike,  who  asked  me  how  I  was  going  to 
open  this  jack  pot,  to  come  down  in  front  of 
the  seats  and  lead  in  the  singing,  for  I  know 
by  his  voice,  which  I  heard  in  debate,  that  he 
is  a  crackerjack,"  and  the  preacher  took  hold 
of  the  handle  of  the  blue  gun  and  Big  Ike 
walked  down  through  the  rows  of  seats,  and 
as  the  melodeon  began  to  squawk,  Ike  got 
down  in  front  of  the  audience,  and  some  of 
the  boys  said:  "Bully  for  you,  Ike,"  and  after 
scratching  his  head  a  minute  Ike  turned  and 
walked  towards  the  preacher,  at  the  edge  of 
the  ring,  and  I  thought  there  was  going  to  be 
the  worst  fight  ever  was,  and  as  the  preacher 
reached  for  the  gun  I  crawled  under  the  seat, 
and  peeked  out  between  the  legs  of  a  fat  man, 
but  Ike  walked  up  to  the  minister  and  said,  as 
the  melodeon  began  to  cough:  "Boys,  this 
tune  is  on  Ike."  He  started  it  and  every  man 
sang. 

When  it  was  ended  the  boys  clapped  and 

98 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

stamped  for  an  encore,  and  they  sang  it 
through  again,  and  the  face  of  the  preacher 
beamed  with  joy,  and  I  saw  there  was  not 
going  to  be  any  fight  and  I  crawled  out  from 
under  the  seats. 

Pa  came  in  the  tent  just  then,  with  a  new 
suit  of  clothes  on,  having  been  discharged  from 
the  hospital  as  cured  of  yellow  fever,  and  I 
gave  him  my  seat,  and  he  held  me  in  his  lap. 

The  preacher  then  preached  a  sermon  that 
did  them  all  good.  He  dwelt  upon  the  hard 
life  of  the  showman,  and  gave  them  such  good 
advice  that  when  it  was  all  over  and  he  said  he 
wanted  to  shake  hands  with  every  man  in  the 
bunch,  Ike  marshaled  them  all  up  to  the  ring 
and  introduced  them,  and  no  minister  ever 
was  more  cordially  congratulated,  and  they 
wanted  him  to  go  along  with  the  show,  and 
preach  every  Sunday. 

The  preacher  said  he  couldn't  join  the  show, 
but  he  traveled  around  a  good  deal  and  he 
would  probably  be  in  the  same  town  with  the 
show  several  times  during  the  summer  and  he 
would  drop  in  on  them  occasionally  and  keep 
them  straight. 

Pa  was  watching  the  crowd  for  the  sailor 
who    prescribed    cayenne    pepper    for    yellow 

99 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

fever,  and  when  he  saw  the  sailor  come  up  to 
the  minister,  with  tears  in  his  eyes,  and  say: 
"Parson,  I  has  been  a  bad  man  and  killed  a 
man  once,  but  he  was  a  Portuguese  sailor,  and 
he  had  the  drop  on  me,  the  same  as  you  did 
on  Big  Ike  at  the  opening  of  these  proceedings, 
and  I  had  to  kill  him.  And  I  begs  the  pardon 
of  this  old  gentleman  for  lying  to  him."  And 
then  pa  shook  hands  with  the  sailor  and  the 
parson,  and  the  parson  put  his  blue  gun  down 
his  trousers  leg,  and  said:  "By  the  way,  the 
bulldog  you  were  going  to  let  take  a  lunch 
off  m:,  :"  he  all  right?" 

Then  the  parson  and  the  girl  went  away, 
and  the  boys  carried  out  the  melodeon,  and 
the  quarantine  was  declared  off.  After  dinner 
the  boys  took  down  the  tents  and  put  them  on 
the  train  that  Sunday  afternoon,  singing  de- 
cent songs  as  they  pulled  up  the  stakes  and 
rolled  up  the  canvas,  and  on  the  train,  late  in 
the  night,  we  could  hear  "Old  Hundred"  be- 
ing sung  as  the  cars  ran  through  the  pennyn'al 
district  of  Indiana. 


100 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

Pa  Takes  the  Place  of  the  Fat  Woman  with 
Disastrous  Results — A  Kentucky  Colonel 
Causes  a  Row — Pa  Tries  to  Roar  Like  a 
Lion  and  the  Rhinoceros  Objects — Pa  Plays 
the  Slot-Machine  and  Gets  the  Worst  of  It. 

This  has  been  an  eventful  week  with  the 
show.  We  have  had  heat  prostrations  in  Ken- 
tucky, nearly  the  whole  show  got  drunk  on 
16-year-old  whisky,  and  if  it  hadn't  been  for 
the  animals  keeping  sober  this  show  would 
have  been  pulled  for  disorderly  conduct. 

Nobody  knows  how  the  row  started,  but  pa 
says  every  man  in  Kentucky  carries  a  blue  gun 
and  a  bottle  of  red  licker,  and  they  wear  white 
hats,  so  the  red,  white  and  blue  business  is  all 
right,  only  it  is  a  combination  that  is  death  on 
a  circus.  I  think  one  of  the  ushers,  at  the 
afternoon  performance,  told  an  old  colonel  that 
he  must  move  along  quicker,  when  the  colonel 
began  to  talk  back,  and  say,  "Who  is  you 
talkin'  too,  sah?"  And  the  usher  stood  it  as 
long  as  he  could,  when  he  took  the  colonel  by 
the  collar  and  sat  him  down  so  quick  he  didn't 

IOI 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

come  to  for  a  couple  of  minutes,  and  when 
the  colonel  got  his  senses,  and  found  that  the 
usher  had  ushered  him  into  a  seat  between  two 
gaily  decorated  colored  women  the  trouble  be- 
gan. The  colonel  never  forgot  that  he  was 
a  gentleman,  for  he  rose  up,  took  off  his  hat  to 
the  colored  women,  and  said:  "You  must  ex- 
cuse me,  ladies,  but  I  shall  have  to  go  and  kill 
the  scoundrel  who  sat  me  down  with  niggers," 
and  he  got  down  off  the  seats  and  struck  the 
usher  with  his  cane,  and  the  usher  yelled: 
"Hey,  Rube!"  and  all  the  circus  people  made 
a  rush  for  the  colonel.  The  colonel  said,  "Men 
of  Kentucky,  to  the  rescue,"  and  before  I  could 
crawl  under  the  seats  the  air  was  full  of  bag- 
gage, seats,  tent  pins  and  white  hats,  guns 
were  fired,  and  blood  flowed,  and  the  police 
pulled  everybody,  and  the  evening  perform- 
ance was  given  up. 

One  of  the  proprietors  of  the  show  got  a 
wen  on  his  head  as  big  as  a  football  from  be- 
ing struck  by  a  handle  of  a  revolver,  and  the 
colonel  who  started  the  row  was  knocked  silly 
by  a  tray  of  red  lemonade  which  the  butcher 
smashed  him  with,  and  the  colonel  cried  be- 
cause the  lemonade  was  all  water,  and  he  was 
afraid  it  would  soak  into  him  and  cause  him  to 

I02 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

warp.  When  the  lemonade  butcher  apolo- 
gized, and  the  usher  told  him  it  was  all  a  mis- 
take his  being  seated  with  the  niggers,  the 
colonel  wept  on  their  necks  and  invited  the 
whole  crowd  to  go  to  his  distillery  and  help 
themselves. 

When  we  got  to  the  next  town  every  man 
in  the  show  had  a  grouch  and  a  Katzenjam- 
mer,  and  their  hair  was  so  sore  it  was  murder 
and  suicide  combined  to  comb  it. 

The  way  pa  escaped  injury  was  'cause  he 
had  to  take  the  place  of  the  fat  woman  on  the 
platform  v/ith  the  freaks,  as  the  fat  woman 
was  overcome  with  the  heat  and  had  to  stay 
in  the  car. 

The  way  they  fixed  pa  up  to  resemble  the 
fat  woman  was  scandalous.  They  have  some 
rubber  things  in  the  wardrobe  tent  that  you 
can  blow  up  and  make  a  big  arm,  and  a  big 
leg,  and  a  big  stummick,  so  anybody  couldn't 
tell  the  difference,  and  they  fixed  pa  up  with 
blowed  up  clothes  of  flesh  colored  rubber,  and 
but  for  his  chin  whiskers  you  couldn't  tell 
him  from  the  fat  woman.  He  said  he  wouldn't 
cut  off  his  whiskers  for  anybody's  circus,  so 
they  fixed  a  veil  to  cover  part  of  his  face  and 
put  the  fat  woman's  dress  on  pa,  and  put  him 

103 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

up  beside  the  skeleton,  the  midget  and  the 
giant. 

Pa  said  he  didn't  want  to  do  it,  'cause  it 
seemed  too  much  like  fraud,  but  they  told  him 
the  fate  of  the  show  depended  on  our  all  being 
willing  to  take  any  part  assigned  to  us,  and 
so  pa  sat  down  and  began  to  fan  himself,  and 
tried  to  look  flirty  like  a  woman. 

The  other  freaks  never  noticed  but  what  it 
was  the  fat  woman  until  the  show  was  half 
over.  It  was  too  much  for  me,  and  I  just 
laffed  at  pa.  I  got  up  behind  him  and  told  him 
in  a  whisper  that  I  wanted  a  dollar  to  play  the 
slot  machine,  and  he  told  me  to  go  to  thunder, 
and  get  out  of  there.  I  couldn't  stand  it  to  be 
insulted  by  my  own  father,  so  I  took  a  hat  pin 
out  of  the  hat  of  the  bearded  lady  and  punched 
it  into  pa's  blowed  up  rubber  shirt,  and  pa 
began  to  sis,  like  a  soda  fountain,  and  the  wind 
struck  the  living  skeleton  and  blew  him  over 
like  a  cyclone,  and  by  that  time  pa  was  blowing 
off  wind  in  a  dozen  places  that  I  had  punctured, 
and  he  was  scared  for  fear  there  wouldn't  be 
anything  left  of  him,  and  the  giant  saw  the 
fat  woman  slowly  fading  away,  and  the  coward 
had  heart  failure  and  lay  down  on  the  plat- 
form.    Somebody  shouted  that  the  fat  woman 

104 


I    Punctured   Pa's   Tires. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

was  all  melting  away,  and  a  fellow  who  was 
watering  a  camel  out  of  a  bucket  came  to  the 
rescue  and  threw  the  bucket  of  dirty  water  all 
over  pa,  and  then  I  thought  I  better  go  away 
into  the  tent  and  see  the  fight,  but  pa  was 
taken  to  the  dressing  room  and  rescued  from 
the  shrinking  rubber  balloons  that  were  bust- 
ed, and  he  said  he  would  hunt  the  man  that 
punctured  his  tire  to  his  dying  day,  but  he 
didn't  know  it  was  me. 

Gee,  it  looks  to  me  as  though  pa  has  been 
engaged  to  act  as  the  easy  mark  in  this  show. 
Say,  they  got  pa  to  practice  on  roaring  like 
a  lion,  so  he  could  stand  behind  the  cage  when 
the  lion  has  a  sore  throat  and  roar,  and  scare 
folks,  and  pa  has  been  going  around  behind 
the  cages,  every  evening,  when  the  menagerie 
is  closed,  and  the  crowd  in  the  main  tent,  mak- 
ing noises  that  have  made  the  animals  look 
at  each  other  as  much  as  to  say,  "Well,  what 
do  you  think  of  that?"  The  rhinoceros  was  so 
disgusted  at  Paducah  that  he  reached  out  his 
nose  and  took  pa  on  his  horn  and  held  him 
up  to  the  scorn  of  the  other  animals  until  pa's 
pants  gave  way  and  he  was  a  sight,  and  he  was 
so  scared  that  he  got  out  of  the  tent  and  made 
a  run  for  our  train,  chased  by  the  police,  who 

1 06 


Chased   by    Police. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

thought  he  was  a  burglar  that  had  been  eat 
by  a  house  dog. 

The  worst  thing  we  have  had  on  pa  was  at 
Louisville,  where  we  stayed  over  Sunday.  An- 
other fellow  and  I  got  a  system  on  slot  ma- 
chines, and  one  day  we  beat  the  machines  out 
of  a  shotbag  full  of  nickels,  and  when  we 
showed  up  at  the  tent  all  the  fellows  wanted 
to  know  how  we  did  it,  and  pa  said  it  was 
gambling,  and  we  ought  not  to  do  it,  but  he 
also  wanted  to  know  how  we  managed  to  win, 
and  when  we  told  pa  about  it  pa  said  it  was 
no  sin  to  beat  a  slot  machine,  'cause  it  was  an 
inanimate  thing,  just  a  machine,  and  anybody 
who  could  beat  a  nickel  in  the  slot  machine  at 
his  own  game  was  equal  to  a  Rockefeller. 

So  after  everybody  had  got  excited  about 
our  nickels  I  told  them  how  to  beat  the  ma- 
chine. I  told  them  I  didn't  get  excited  and  go 
rushing  in  where  angels  fear  to  tread,  and  feed 
the  slot  machine  on  good  hard  earned  nickels 
of  my  own,  but  waited  until  the  countrymen 
and  tenderfeet  had  fed  it  on  nickels  until  it 
was  too  full  for  utterance.  When  the  machine 
swelled  out  like  it  was  blowed  up,  and  it  kind 
of  wheezed,  like  it  was  ready  to  cough  up,  and 
was  only  waiting  for  an  excuse,  I  put  a  cough 

1 08 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

lozenger  about  the  size  of  a  nickel  in  the  slot 
and  turned  the  diaphram.  The  machine  shud- 
dered a  minute  and  then  had  a  regular  hem- 
orrague,  and  coughed  up  a  tin  cupful  of  nickels 
into  my  hand,  and  the  machine  seemed  to  rest 
easy,  and  take  nourishment  again  from  the 
silly  fellows,  who  thought  they  could  beat  it. 

Well,  sir,  the  whole  crowd  was  so  excited 
they  could  hardly  wait  to  find  a  slot  machine, 
and  finally  they  bought  nearly  all  my  cough 
lozengers,  and  went  out  into  the  night,  and 
pa  and  I  went  along,  'cause  pa  said  he  under- 
stood all  the  slot  machines  were  owned  bv 
Rockefeller,  and  he  made  more  money  on  them 
than  he  did  on  Standard  oil,  and  the  money 
that  he  gave  away  to  schools  and  churches 
was  from  his  rake-off  on  his  slot  machines. 
Pa  said  it  would  be  a  good  thing  if  someone 
could  break  up  the  reprehensible  practice  by 
beating  the  blasted  machines  to  a  finish. 

So  pa  he  got  a  bag  to  bring  back  the  nickels 
in,  and  a  bunch  of  us  went  to  a  store  where 
one  whole  side  of  the  place  was  filled  with  slot 
machines,  and  the  way  the  people  were  playing 
the  game  was  scandalous.  Pa  watched  a  ma- 
chine until  the  players  had  fed  it  so  it  seemed 
as  though  it  would  die  unless  it  got  air,  and 

IOQ 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

he  stepped  up  and  put  in  a  lozenger  and 
turned  the  wheel,  and  held  the  bag  under  the 
spout  for  the  coin,  but  it  didn't  come.  Some 
more  fellows  put  in  nickels,  and  the  machine 
gave  little  hacking  coughs  and  coughed  up 
three  or  four  nickels,  but  nothing  that  seemed 
at  all  in  the  nature  of  a  financial  hemmorague, 
when  pa  took  another  lozenger  and  put  it  in, 
and  by  ginger  the  machine  began  to  heave  up 
nickels  like  it  was  in  the  trough  of  the  sea. 

Pa  was  so  excited  he  forgot  to  hold  the  bag, 
and  nickels  went  all  over  the  floor,  and  every- 
body made  a  grab  for  them,  and  pa  was  shoved 
aside,  and  he  swore  he  would  have  the  place 
pulled,  and  just  then  a  law  officer  took  pa  in 
charge  because  he  had  put  a  cough  lozenger 
in  the  slot  machine,  and  he  searched  pa  and 
found  a  lot  more  bronchial  trochees,  and  pa 
was  in  for  it  on  a  charge  of  malpractice,  for 
giving  cough  medicine  for  the  stomach  trouble 
of  the  slot  machine,  instead  of  pepsin  tablets. 

They  took  pa  in  a  back  room  and  searched 
him  some  more,  and  found  his  roll,  and  then 
a  man  who  said  he  was  a  lawyer  offered  to  help 
pa,  and  keep  him  out  of  the  penitentiary.  He 
told  pa  the  law  of  Kentucky  made  the  crime  of 
trifling  with  a  slot  machine  the  same  as  breach 

no 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

of  promise,  or  arson,  and  that  he  would  be 
lucky  if  he  got  off  with  ten  years  in  the  pen, 
with  30  days'  solitary  confinement  in  a  Turkish 
bath  cell,  with  niggers  for  companions. 

Pa  turned  blue  and  asked  the  lawyer  if  thevt 
was  no  way  out  of  it,  and  the  lawyer  told  him 
that  for  $120  in  spot  cash  he  would  let  him  go, 
and  fight  the  case  after  the  show  had  got  out 
of  the  state.  A  hundred  and  twenty-five  dol- 
lars was  the  amount  they  found  on  pa,  and  he 
told  them  that  inasmuch  as  they  already  had 
it,  they  better  keep  the  money  and  let  him  go, 
and  he  would  be  always  a  living  example  of 
the  terrors  of  gambling. 

So  they  let  pa  go,  and  all  the  way  to  the 
train  he  told  us  he  hoped  this  experience  would 
be  a  lesson  to  us  not  to  covet  the  money  of 
the  rich,  and  as  far  as  he  was  concerned,  John 
D.  Rockefeller  could  go  plum  to  thunder  with 
his  money  after  this. 

Then  we  got  to  the  car,  and  found  about  a 
doze,u  of  the  circus  men  who  had  been  out  to 
beat  the  slot  machines,  broke  flat,  and  I  had 
to  divide  my  shot  bag  of  nickels  with  them, 
that  I  had  won  before  I  let  them  into  the  game, 
before  they  would  let  me  go  to  bed. 

Dad  says  this  circus  life  is  making  me  pretty 
tough. 

in 


PECKS  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  IX. 

The  Bad  Boy  Feeds  Cayenne  Pepper  to  the 
Sacred  Cow — He  and  His  Pa  Ride  in  a 
Circus  Parade  With  the  Circassian  Beauties 
— A  Tipsy  Elephant  Lands  Them  in  a  Pub- 
lic Fountain — Pa  Makes  the  Acquaintance 
of  John  L.  Sullivan. 

I  am  learning  more  about  animals  every 
day,  and  when  the  season  is  over  I  will  be  an 
expert  animal  man.  Animals  naturally  have 
a  language  of  their  own,  and  lions  understand 
each  other,  and  bears  can  converse  with  bears, 
but  in  a  show,  all  animals  seem  to  have  a  com- 
mon language,  so  they  understand  each  other 
a  little. 

I  found  that  out  when  I  put  a  paper  of 
cayenne  pepper  into  a  head  of  lettuce  and  gave 
it  to  the  sacred  cow.  She  chewed  the  lettuce 
as  peacefully  as  could  be,  and  swallowed  the 
cayenne  pepper,  and  then  stopped  to  think. 
You  could  tell  by  the  expression  on  her  face 
that  when  the  pepper  began  to  heat  her  up  in- 
side she  wanted  to  swear,  although  she  was  a 
sacred  cow.     She  humped  herself,  and  shiv- 

112 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

ered,  and  then  bellowed  like  a  calf  who  has 
been  left  in  the  barn  to  be  weaned,  while  its 
mother  goes  out  to  pasture,  and  the  sacred  bull, 
her  husband,  he  came  and  put  his  nose  up  to 
her  nose,  as  much  as  to  say:  "What  is  the 
matter,  dearie?"  and  she  talked  sacred  cattle 
talk  to  him  for  a  minute,  and  then  the  bull 
turned  to  me  and  chased  me  out  of  the  tent. 
Now,  as  sure  as  you  live  that  cow  told  the 
bull  that  I  had  given  her  something  hot.  All 
the  animals  within  hearing  were  onto  me,  and 
they  would  snarl,  and  make  noises  when  I 
came  along,  and  act  as  though  they  wanted 
to  make  me  understand  that  they  knew  I  gave 
that  cow  a  hot  box,  and  they  all  wanted  to 
get  a  chance  at  me. 

They  don't  like  pa  any  better  than  they  do 
me,  and  the  big  elephant  seems  to  have  been 
laying  for  pa  ever  since  he  run  the  sharp  iron 
into  him,  the  time  he  got  on  a  tear  and  tried  to 
run  a  town.  When  the  elephants  are  perform- 
ing in  the  ring,  they  all  have  an  eye  on  pa,  so 
everybody  notices  it.  I  knew  something  would 
happen  to  pa,  so  when  the  man  who  plays  the 
shiek,  and  rides  the  elephant  in  the  street 
parade,  in  a  howdah,  with  a  canopy  over  it, 
with  some  female  houris  in  it,  and  they  called 

Il3 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

for  a  volunteer  to  do  the  shiek  act,  at  Steuben- 
ville,  and  pa  offered  to  do  the  stunt,  I  went 
along  as  an  Egyptian  girl,  'cause  I  knew  there 
would  be  something  doing. 

The  elephant  eyed  pa  when  he  got  up  into 
the  bungalow  on  top  of  him  with  the  Circas- 
sian woman  and  me,  and  winked  at  the  other 
elephants,  as  much  as  to  say:  ''Watch  my 
smoke."  As  he  went  out  from  the  lot,  on  the 
way  downtown,  ahead  of  the  bunch,  all  the 
other  animals  acted  peculiar,  and  seemed  to 
say:  "He  will  get  his  before  we  get  through 
this  parade." 

The  big  elephant  is  one  of  the  best  ring  per- 
formers, but  he  has  always  been  steady  in  the 
street  parade,  with  the  light  of  Asia  on  his 
back.  We  got  to  the  edge  of  town  and  stopped 
to  let  the  rear  wagons  close  up,  and  were  in 
front  of  a  saloon,  where  the  bartender  had  been 
emptying  stale  beer  out  of  the  bottoms  of 
kegs  into  a  washtub,  which  was  standing  on 
the  sidewalk,  ready  to  be  sold  to  people  who 
who  buy  it  in  pails. 

Well,  sir,  that  confounded  elephant  got  his 
trunk  in  that  tub  of  stale  beer,  and  he  never 
took  it  out  till  the  beer  was  all  gone.  I  looked 
down  from  the  pagoda  and  told  pa  the  elephant 

114 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

was  drinking  again,  and  had  drank  a  washtub 
of  beer,  but  pa  couldn't  say  anything,  'cause 
he  was  doing  the  Arab  sheik  act,  and  had  to 
look  dignified,  as  though  he  was  praying  to 
Allah. 

But  just  then  the  band  struck  up,  and  we 
started  down  the  main  street  of  Steubenville. 
The  people  began  to  cheer,  'cause  our  elephant 
began  to  hippity-hop,  and  waltz  sideways 
across  the  street  and  back  again,  and  I  thought 
pa  would  die.  In  the  parade  one  man  on  a 
horse  attends  to  the  elephants,  so  the  sheiks 
don't  have  anything  to  say,  and  pa  remained 
like  a  statue,  and  told  me  and  the  Circassian 
beaties  to  be  calm,  and  trust  in  him  and  Allah. 
This  Allah  business  was  all  right  when  the  ele- 
phant waltzed,  but  when  we  got  to  the  next 
block  the  beast  began  to  stand  on  his  hind 
feet,  and  pa  and  the  houris  rolled  to  the  back 
end  of  the  howdah,  and  were  all  piled  in  a 
heap,  while  I  held  on  to  the  cloth  of  gold 
over  the  elephant's  head. 

Pa  yelled  to  the  people  on  horseback  to  kill 
the  elephant,  and  the  crowd  cheered,  thinking 
it  was  the  best  performance  they  ever  saw 
in  a  free  street  parade,  and  the  animals  in  the 
cages  behind  were  yapping  as  though   they 

115 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

knew  what  was  going  on.  The  elephant  got 
down  on  all  fours,  and  we  straightened  up  in 
the  pagoda,  and  for  a  block  or  so  the  beast 
only  waltzed  around.  As  we  got  to  some 
sort  of  a  public  square,  where  there  were  thou- 
sands of  people,  the  stale  beer  seemed  to  be 
getting  in  its  work,  for  the  elephant  looked  at 
the  people,  as  much  as  to  say:  "Now  I  will 
show  you  something  not  down  on  the  bills," 
and,  by  ginger,  if  he  didn't  raise  up  his  hind 
quarters  and  stand  on  his  front  feet,  right  by 
the  side  of  a  big  fountain,  and  he  reached  in 
his  trunk  for  a  drink,  when  all  of  us  on  the 
pagoda  clung  to  pa,  and  we  all  slid  right  off 
into  the  big  basin  of  water.  The  fountain 
played  on  us,  and  pa  was  under  water,  with  the 
four  Circassian  beauties,  and  when  we  rolled 
or  slid  down  over  the  elephant's  head,  he 
looked  at  us  and  seemed  to  chuckle:  "What 
you  getting  off  here  for,  the  show  ain't  half 
out." 

Well,  the  parade  went  on  and  left  the  ele- 
phant and  the  rest  of  us  at  the  fountain,  and 
to  show  that  animals  understand  each  other, 
and  can  appreciate  a  joke,  every  animal  that 
passed  us  gave  us  the  laugh,  even  the  hippo- 
potamus, which  opened  his  mouth  as  big  as 

116 


The  Elephant  Kept  Ducking  Pa  and  Swabbing   Out  the  Bot- 
tom  of  the   Fountain. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

a  tunnel,  and  showed  his  teeth  and  acted  as 
though  he  would  like  to  exchange  tanks  with 
us. 

The  circus  people  that  could  be  spared  from 
the  wagons  came  to  help  us,  and  the  citizens 
helped  out  the  Circassian  beauties  who  were 
praying  to  Allah,  and  wringing  out  their 
clothes,  and  I  crawled  up  on  the  neck  of  a 
cast-iron  swan  in  the  fountain.  Pa  yelled  and 
talked  profane,  and  told  'em  to  bring  a  cannon 
and  kill  the  elephant,  which  kept  ducking  him 
with  his  trunk,  and  swabbing  out  the  bottom 
of  the  fountain  basin  with  pa.  It  seemed  as 
though  he  never  would  get  through  using  pa 
for  a  mop,  but  finally  the  people  got  a  rope 
around  pa,  and  a  keeper  got  an  iron  hook  in 
the  elephant's  ear,  and  they  pulled  pa  out  on 
one  side,  and  got  the  elephant  away  on  the 
other  side,  and  just  then  the  callipoe,  that  ends 
the  parade,  came  by  us  and  played  the  "Blue 
Danube,"  and  the  elephant  got  on  his  hind 
feet  and  waltzed  on  the  pavement.  They  put 
pa  and  the  Circassian  beauties  in  a  patrol 
wagon  and  took  them  to  the  show  lot,  and  I 
sat  by  the  driver,  and  he  let  me  drive  the  team. 

Pa  had  his  sheik  clothes  rolled  up  around 
his  waist,  and  was  wringing  them  out,  and 

nS 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

talking  awful  sassy,  and  when  we  got  to  the 
lot  it  took  a  long  time  to  convince  the  police- 
men that  we  were  not  guilty  of  disorderly  con- 
duct, and  just  then  the  elephant  came  tearing 
by  us,  with  the  keeper  on  horseback  behind 
him,  prodding  him  in  the  ham  every  jump  with 
a  sharp  iron,  and  he  went  through  the  side  of 
the  tent  as  though  he  was  mighty  sorry  he 
didn't  kill  us  all. 

They  made  him  get  down  on  his  knees  and 
bellow  in  token  of  surrender,  and  then  we  all 
went  and  changed  our  clothes  for  the  after- 
noon performance.  As  we  passed  through  the 
menagerie  tent,  dripping,  every  animal  set  up 
a  yell,  as  much  as  to  say:  "There,  maybe  you 
will  give  cayenne  pepper  to  a  pious  sacred 
cow  again,  confound  you,"  and  that  convinces 
me  that  animals  are  human. 

The  last  week  has  been  the  hardest  on  pa 
of  any  week  since  we  have  been  out  with  the 
circus.  The  trouble  with  pa  is  that  he  wants 
to  be  "Johnny  on  the  spot,"  as  the  boys  say, 
and  if  anything  breaks  he  volunteers  to  go  to 
work  and  fix  it,  and  if  anybody  is  sick  or  dis- 
abled, he  wants  to  take  their  place,  as  he  says 
so  he  will  learn  everything  about  the  circus, 

119 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  be  competent  to  run  a  show  alone  next 
year. 

But  it  was  a  mean  trick  the  principal  owner 
of  the  show  played  on  pa  at  Canton,  O.  You 
see  John  L.  Sullivan  used  to  do  a  boxing  act 
with  this  show,  years  ago,  and  everybody  likes 
John,  and  when  he  shows  up  where  the  show 
gives  a  performance  he  has  the  freedom  of  the 
whole  place,  and  everybody  about  the  show  is 
ready  to  fall  over  themselves  to  do  John  L.  a 
service. 

Well,  Sullivan  showed  up  at  Canton,  and  he 
went  everywhere,  all  the  forenoon,  and  met 
all  the  old  timers,  and  at  the  afternoon  per- 
formance he  was  awfully  jolly. 

John  was  standing  beside  the  ring  when  the 
Japanese  jugglers  were  juggling,  and  he 
leaned  against  a  pole.  Pa  came  in  from  the 
menagerie  tent,  and  he  didn't  know  Sullivan, 
and  when  he  saw  Sullivan  holding  the  pole  up, 
pa  said  to  the  boss  proprietor  that  the  fat  man 
who  was  interfering  with  the  show  ought  to 
be  called  down  or  put  out. 

The  boss  said  to  pa:  'You  go  take  him  by 
the  ear  and  put  him  out,"  and  pa,  who  is  as 
brave  as  lion,  started  for  Sullivan,  and  the 
boss  winked  at  the  other  circus  men,  and  pa 

1 20 


John  L.  Slatted  Pa  Just  as  Though  He  Was  a  ChlM. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

went  up  to  Sullivan  and  took  hold  of  John's 
neck  with  both  hands,  and  said:  "Come  on 
out  of  here." 

Well,  sir,  we  ought  to  have  moving  pictures 
of  what  followed.  Sullivan  turned  on  pa,  and 
growled  just  like  a  lion.  Then  he  took  pa 
around  the  waist  and  held  him  up  under  his 
arm,  and  picked  up  a  piece  of  board  and  slat- 
ted pa  just  as  though  pa  was  a  child,  and  the 
audience  just  yelled,  and  pa  called  to  the  circus 
men  for  help,  but  they  just  laughed. 

Pa  got  a  chance  at  the  fat  man  and  he  hit 
him  in  the  jaw,  but  it  did  not  hurt  Sullivan, 
only  made  him  mad.  He  took  pa  up  by  the 
collar  and  whirled  him  around  until  pa  was 
dizzy,  and  then  he  started  with  him  for  the 
menagerie  tent,  and  called  to  the  boss  canvas- 
man:  "Bill,  come  on  and  tell  me  which  is  the 
hungriest  lion,  and  I  will  feed  him  with  this 
cold  meat." 

Pa  yelled,  'cause  he  thought  he  was  in  the 
hands  of  an  escaped  lunatic,  and  the  circus 
hands  came  and  took  him  away.  Then  the 
owner  told  pa  who  Sullivan  was,  and  pa 
almost  fainted.  But  finally,  after  breathing 
hard  for  awhile,  pa  went  up  to  Sullivan  and 
shook  his  hand,  and  said:    "Mr.  Sullivan,  you 

122 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

must  excuse  me.  If  I  had  known  you  were  the 
great  John  L.,  I  would  not  have  licked  you/' 
Sullivan  looked  at  pa  and  said:  "Well,  you 
are  a  wonder,  old  man,  and  you  did  do  me 
up,"  and  pa  and  Sullivan  became  great  friends. 
Since  then  pa  is  pretty  chesty,  'cause  the  cir- 
cus men  point  him  out  to  the  jays  as  the  man 
who  whipped  John  L.  Sullivan. 


12% 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  X. 

The  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa  Drive  a  Roman 
Chariot — They  Win  the  Race,  but  Meet 
With  Difficulties— The  Bearded  Lady  to 
the  Rescue — A  Farmer's  Cart  Breaks  Up 
the  Circus  Procession. 

Ohio  was  a  hoodo  for  the  circus  business, 
and  Kentucky  got  the  whole  bunch  ready  for  a 
long  stay  at  Dwight,  111.,  but  the  agent  routed 
us  into  Pennsylvania,  and  pa  has  had  nothing 
but  a  series  of  disasters  since  striking  the 
state. 

Pa  gave  notice  that  when  we  got  to  his  old 
home,  at  Scranton,  where  he  lived  when  he 
was  a  boy,  he  wanted  to  sort  of  run  things,  so 
his  old  neighbors  would  see  that  he  had  got 
up  in  the  world  since  he  left  the  old  town.  So 
the  manager  gave  pa  about  400  free  tickets 
to  distribute  among  his  friends,  and  arranged 
for  pa  to  show  off  as  the  leading  citizen  in  the 
show.  He  was  offered  a  chance  to  take  the 
place  of  the  clown,  the  ring  master  or  any- 
body whose  duty  he  thought  he  could  per- 
form.    Pa  selected  the  place  of  driver  of  the 

124 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Roman  chariot  with  four  horses  abreast,  in 
place  of  the  Irish  Roman  who  was  accustomed 
to  drive  the  chariot  in  the  race  with  the  female 
charioteer,  a  muscular  girl  who  used  to  clerk 
in  a  livery  stable  at  Chicago. 

The  chariot  race  is  a  fake,  because  it  is  ar- 
ranged for  the  girl  to  win,  so  the  audience  will 
go  wild  and  cheer  her,  so  she  has  to  come 
bowing  all  around  the  ring.  The  way  the  job 
is  put  up  is  for  the  two  chariots  to  start,  and 
go  around  twice.  On  the  first  turn  the  man 
driver  is  ahead,  and  takes  the  pole,  and  on  the 
second  turn  the  girl's  ahead,  and  she  takes  the 
pole,  and  on  the  third  turn  the  man  is  ahead, 
and  they  begin  to  whip  the  horses,  who  seem 
crazy,  and  on  the  last  stretch  the  man  holds 
his  team  back  a  little,  and  the  girl  passes  him 
and  comes  out  a  trifle  ahead,  and  the  crowd 
goes  wild. 

Well,  the  master  of  ceremonies  coached  pa 
about  the  business,  and  told  him  what  to  do. 
They  knew  he  could  drive  four  horses,  be- 
cause he  said  he  was  an  old  stage  driver,  and 
whan  he  got  in  the  chariot  with  the  Roman 
suit  on  gleaming  with  gold,  and  the  brass  hel- 
met, and  the  cloth  of  gold  gauntlets,  and  stood 
up  like  a  senator,  gee,  I  was  proud  of  him, 

125 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  when  he  and  the  female  drove  out  of  the 
dressing-room  and  halted  by  the  door  for  the 
announcer  to  announce  the  great  Ben  Hur 
chariot  race,  I  got  into  the  chariot  behind  pa, 
and  told  him  he  must  win  the  race,  or  the  peo- 
ple of  Scranton  would  mob  him.  For  they 
knew  these  races  were  usually  fixed  before- 
hand, but  since  he  was  to  drive  one  of  the 
teams,  all  his  friends  were  betting  on  him,  and 
if  he  pulled  the  team  and  let  that  livery  stable 
lady  win  the  race,  they  would  accuse  him  of 
giving  free  tickets  to  get  them  in  the  show 
and  skin  them  out  of  their  money. 

Pa  said  to  me:  "This  race  is  going  to  be 
on  the  square,  and  you  watch  my  smoke.  Do 
you  think  I  would  let  that  red-headed  dish 
washer  beat  me?    Not  on  your  life." 

The  play  is  to  have  a  little  boy  kiss  the  male 
driver  good-by,  and  a  little  girl  kiss  the 
female  driver  good-by,  as  though  they  were 
taking  their  lives  in  their  hands.  I  had  climbed 
up  to  pa  and  put  my  arms  around  his  neck, 
and  kissed  him,  and  a  girl  kissed  the  female, 
when  the  gong  sounded,  and  both  four-horse 
teams  made  a  jump,  before  I  could  get  out  of 
the  chariot,  so  I  got  right  in  front  of  pa  and 
peeked  over  the  dashboard  of  the  chariot,  and, 

126 


Her   Cart,   Team   and  All    Were   Thrown    Right   Against   the 

Band. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

gee,  but  didn't  we  fairly  whizz  by  the  poles, 
and  the  audience  looked  like  a  panorama. 

Pa  got  the  pole  and  kept  it,  and  we  went 
around  three  times,  and  found  the  female 
chariot  ahead  of  us,  cause  pa  had  gone  around 
twice  to  her  once.  She  turned  out  a  little 
right  by  the  band-stand,  and  pa  run  his  team 
right  inside  her  chariot  and  caught  her  wheel, 
and  when  he  yelled  to  his  team,  her  cart,  team, 
and  all  were  thrown  right  into  the  band, 
which  scattered  over  the  backs  of  the  seats. 
The  horses  were  all  mixed  up  with  the  instru- 
ments, and  the  female  driver  was  thrown  into 
the  air  and  came  down  in  a  sitting  position 
right  into  the  bass  drum.  She  went  right 
through  the  sheepskin,  so  her  head  and  hands 
and  feet  were  all  of  her  that  remained  outside 
the  drum. 

She  yelled  for  help  and  the  circus  hands 
rolled  the  drum,  with  her  in  it,  into  the  dress- 
ing-room, where  they  had  to  cut  the  sides 
of  the  drum  with  an  ax,  to  get  her  out,  while 
others  caught  her  horses  and  pulled  the  char- 
iot out  of  the  band,  and  the  music  stopped; 
but  pa  went  on  forever. 

He  went  around  six  times  yelling  like  an 
Indian  at  a  green  corn  dance,  and  when  he 

128 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

thought  it  was  time  to  let  up,  because  he  had 
missed  the  other  chariot,  he  pulled  so  hard  he 
broke  the  lines  on  the  two  inside  horses  and 
then  it  was  a  runaway  for  sure,  and  the  audi- 
ence stood  up  on  the  seats  and  yelled,  and 
women  fainted. 

Finally  the  circus  hands  grabbed  some  hur- 
dles, and  threw  them  across  the  track,  near 
the  main  entrance,  and  when  we  came  around 
the  last  time,  two  of  the  horses  jumped  the 
hurdles  all  right,  but  two  fumbled  and  fell 
down,  and  there  was  a  crash,  and  I  didn't 
know  anything  until  I  felt  cold  water  on  my 
face  that  tasted  sour,  and  colored  my  shirt 
red,  and  I  found  the  lemonade  butcher  was 
bringing  me  to  by  pouring  a  tray  of  lemonade 
over  me. 

When  my  eyes  opened,  I  saw  a  sight  that  I 
shall  never  forget.  It  seems  that  when  the 
horses  fell  down,  the  chariot  and  the  other 
two  horses  and  pa  and  I  had  landed  all  in  a 
heap  right  on  top  of  the  lemonade  and  peanut 
concession,  and  carried  it  up  onto  a  row  of 
seats  near  the  main  entrance  from  the  menag- 
erie. The  elephants  that  were  to  come  on 
next  were  in  the  door  waiting  for  their  signal, 
and  they  were  scared  at  the  crash,  and  they 

129 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

came  in  bellowing,  the  keepers  having  lost  all 
control  of  them.  The  audience  was  stamped- 
ing, and  the  circus  men  were  trying  to 
straighten  things  out. 

Pa  struck  on  his  head  against  a  wagon 
wheel  and  his  brass  helmet  was  driven  down 
over  his  face,  so  when  he  yelled  to  be  pulled 
out  of  the  helmet  his  voice  sounded  like  a 
coon  song,  coming  from  a  phonograph.  It 
was  the  closest  call  from  death  pa  ever  had, 
'cause  they  had  to  cut  the  helmet  with  a  can 
opener  to  let  pa  out,  like  you  open  a  can  of 
lobsters.  When  they  got  the  helmet  opened 
so  pa  could  come  out,  he  looked  just  like  a 
boiled  lobster,  and  when  the  chief  owner  of 
the  circus  came  up  on  a  run,  and  asked  if  pa 
was  dead,  pa  said:  "Not  much,  Mary  Ann; 
did  I  win?"  and  the  manager  said  it  was  a  pity 
they  ever  opened  that  helmet  and  let  pa  out. 
The  man  told  pa  he  won  in  a  walk,  but  the 
chief  of  police  of  Scranton  was  going  to  arrest 
pa  for  exceeding  the  speed  limit. 

They  took  pa  to  the  dressing-room  on  a 
piece  of  board,  and  when  the  woman  driver 
saw  him,  she  got  an  ax,  and  wanted  to  cleave 
him  from  head  to  foot,  but  the  bearded  woman 
stepped  in  front  of  her  and  said:     "Not  on 

130 


Pa  Struck  on   His   Head   Against  a    Wagon  Wheel. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

your  life,"  and  she  shielded  pa  from  death 
with  her  manly  form,  which  pa  says  he  shall 
never  forget.  Pa's  old  friends  in  Scranton 
gave  him  a  banquet  that  night,  but  pa  couldn't 
eat  anything,  cause  the  rim  of  the  brass  hel- 
met cut  a  gash  in  his  Adam's  apple. 

After  the  chariot  race  the  managers  con- 
cluded they  wouldn't  let  pa  have  any  position 
of  importance  again  very  soon,  and  I  made  up 
my  mind  you  wouldn't  ever  catch  me  in  any 
game  that  pa  was  in;  but  in  the  circus  busi- 
ness you  can  never  tell  what  is  going  to  hap- 
pen from  one  day  to  another. 

On  the  train  on  the  way  to  Wilkes  Barre 
there  was  a  hot  box  on  one  of  the  sleepers, 
and  the  car  was  side-tracked  all  night. 

When  we  arrived  at  the  town  about  40 
wagon  drivers  that  were  in  the  car  did  not 
show  up,  and  they  had  to  press  everybody 
that  could  drive  a  team  into  the  service  to 
haul  the  stuff  to  the  lot,  and  pa  drove  four 
horses  so  well  with  a  load  of  tent  poles  that 
the  manager  complimented  pa,  and  that  gave 
pa  the  big  head.  When  the  parade  was  all 
ready  to  start  through  town,  and  the  drivers 
had  not  arrived,  the  manager  asked  pa  if  he 
thought  he  could  drive  the  ten  gray  horses  on 

132 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

the  band  wagon,  to  lead  the  procession,  and  pa 
said  driving  ten  horses  was  his  best  hold,  and 
he  got  up  on  the  driver's  seat,  and  called  me  to 
get  up  with  him,  and  I  hate  a  boy  that  will  dis- 
obey a  parent,  so  I  climbed  up  and  began  to 
jolly  the  band  about  the  chariot  race,  and  I 
told  them  pa  wouldn't  do  a  thing  to  them  this 
time. 

The  manager  of  the  show  always  rides 
ahead  of  the  parade,  with  the  chief  of  police  of 
the  town,  and  the  band  horses  follow  him,  so 
it  is  easy  enough  to  drive  ten  horses,  cause  all 
you  have  to  do  it  to  hold  on  to  the  20  lines,  and 
look  savage  at  the  crowd  on  the  sidewalks, 
and  the  horses  go  right  along,  and  the  people 
think  the  driver  is  a  wonder.  So  when  the 
manager  started  in  his  buggy  pa  pulled  up  on 
all  the  lines  he  could  hold  on  to,  which  filled 
his  lap,  and  made  him  look  like  a  harness 
maker,  and  he  yelled:  "Ye-up,"  and  the  pro- 
cession moved,  and  the  ten  teams  pa  was 
driving  went  along  all  right,  and  pa  looked 
as  though  he  owned  the  show  and  the  town. 

We  got  downtown,  to  a  wide  street,  and 
there  was  a  fire  alarm  ahead,  or  something, 
and  the  procession  stopped,  and  the  manager 
and  chief  of  police  disappeared,  and  there  was 

133 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

a  wagon  load  of  green  corn  stalks  right  beside 
the  lead  team,  which  a  farmer  was  taking  to  a 
silo,  but  he  had  stopped  his  team  to  see  the 
parade.  The  three  teams  of  pa's  leaders,  six 
horses,  began  to  eat  the  corn  stalks,  and  the 
camels,  that  were  behind  us,  worked  along  up 
by  the  band  wagon  and  began  to  eat,  and  the 
farmer  got  scared  to  see  his  corn  stalks  dis- 
appearing, so  he  drove  off  on  a  side  street, 
and  started  for  the  silo,  and  by  ginger,  pa's 
team  turned  onto  the  side  street  and  followed 
the  wagon  of  corn  stalks,  and  pa  couldn't  hold 
them,  and  the  band  played,  "In  the  Good  Old 
Summer  Time,  There  Will  Be  a  Hot  Time  in 
the  Old  Town." 

The  camels  kept  up  with  the  farmer's 
wagon,  too,  and  the  whole  parade  followed 
the  band.  The  farmer  started  his  horses  into 
a  run,  and  the  team  of  ten  horses  that  was 
driving  pa  started  to  galloping,  and  I  looked 
back,  and  the  elephants  were  beginning  to  gal- 
lop, and  all  the  cages  were  coming  whooping, 
and  it  was  a  picnic.  The  band  stopped  play- 
ing, and  the  players  were  scared,  and  as  we 
were  crossing  a  little  bridge  over  a  small 
stream,  on  the  edge  of  town,  I  turned  around 
to  the  band  and  told  them  to  jump  for  their 

134 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

lives,  and  they  all  made  a  jump  for  the  stream, 
and  the  air  was  full  of  uniforms  and  instru- 
ments, and  they  landed  in  the  stream  all  right. 

We  went  on  up  a  hill,  and  were  in  the 
country,  and  the  farmer  turned  into  a  farm- 
yard, and  the  band  wagon  followed,  and  the 
farmer  jumped  off  the  corn  stalk  wagon  and 
rushed  for  the  house,  and  pa's  ten-horse  team 
surrounded  the  wagon,  and  every  horse  was 
eating  corn  stalks,  and  the  team  was  all  mixed 
up.  The  camels  and  the  elephants  crowded 
in  for  the  nice  green  lunch,  and  the  farmer's 
wife  came  out  with  her  apron  waving,  and  said 
"Shoo,"  but  none  of  the  animals  shooed  worth 
a  cent,  and  pa  pulled  on  the  lines,  and  yelled, 
while  the  rest  of  the  parade  came  into  the  farm 
and  lined  up.  The  drivers  yelled  at  pa  to  know 
where  in  thunder  he  was  going,  and  pa  said: 
"Damfino." 

Just  then  the  manager  and  chief  of  police 
came  up,  and  the  way  they  talked  to  pa  was 
awful.  Pa  couldn't  explain  how  it  was  that 
he  took  the  parade  out  in  the  country,  and  you 
never  saw  such  a  time. 

By  this  time  the  regular  drivers  had  arrived 
on  a  special,  from  where  we  left  them  with  a 
hot    box,    and    they    took    possession    of    the 

'35 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

teams,  and  we  got  back  to  the  circus  lot  in 
time  for  the  afternoon  performance.  I  don't 
know  what  they  are  doing  to  pa,  but  they  had 
him  in  the  manager's  tent  all  the  afternoon 
with  some  doctors,  who  seem  to  be  examining 
him  for  insanity. 

Everybody  about  the  show  thinks  pa  has 
hoodooed  the  aggregation,  but  pa  says  such 
things  are  always  happening,  and  it  is  wrong 
to  blame  him. 

The  farmer  got  paid  for  his  corn  stalks,  and 
it  is  to  be  charged  up  to  pa. 


1& 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XL 

The  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa  in  a  Railroad  Wreck 
— Pa  Rescues  the  "Other  Freaks" — They 
Spend  the  Night  on  a  Meadow — A  Near- 
sighted Claim  Agent  Settles  for  Damages — 
Pa  Plays  Deaf  and  Dumb  and  Gets  Ten 
Thousand. 

It  has  come  at  last. 

Everybody  about  the  show  expects  that  the 
show  has  got  to  have  a  railroad  wreck  every 
season,  and  all  hands  lay  awake  nights  on  the 
cars  to  brace  themselves  for  the  shock.  Some- 
times it  comes  early  in  the  season,  and  again  a 
show  goes  along  until  almost  the  the  end  of 
the  season  without  a  shake-up,  and  fellows 
think  maybe  there  is  not  going  to  be  any 
wreck,  but  the  engineers  are  only  waiting  till 
everybody  has  forgotten  about  it,  and  then, 
biff,  bang,  and  they  have  run  into  another 
train,  or  been  run  into,  and  you  have  to  be 
pulled  out  of  a  window  by  the  heels,  and  laid 
out  in  a  marsh  until  the  claim  agents  can  set- 
tle with  you. 

I  always  thought  in  reading  of  railroad  ac- 

137 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

cidents,  that  the  railroad  sent  out  a  special 
trainload  of  doctors  and  nurses,  to  care  for  the 
injured,  but  the  special  train  never  has  a  doc- 
tor until  the  lawyers  give  first  aid  to  the 
wounded  in  the  way  of  financial  poultices  for 
the  cripples.  People  in  our  business  are  on 
the  railroads,  and  we  work  them  for  all  there 
is  in  it;  and  the  man  that  is  hurt  the  least 
makes  the  biggest  howl,  and  gets  the  biggest 
slice  of  indemnity.  Some  circus  people  spend 
all  their  salary  as  they  go  along,  and  live  all 
winter  on  the  damages  they  get  from  the  rail- 
roads when  the  wreck  comes. 

The  night  of  the  wreck  our  train  was 
whooping  along  at  about  90  miles  an  hour, 
on  a  hippity-hop  railroad  in  Pennsylvania,  and 
the  night  was  hot,  and  the  mosquitoes  from 
across  the  line  in  New  Jersey  were  singing 
their  solemn  tunes,  and  pa,  who  attended  a 
lodge  meeting  that  night  at  the  town  we 
showed  in,  was  asleep  and  talking  in  his  sleep 
about  passwords  and  grips,  and  the  freaks  and 
trapeze  performers  in  our  car  had  got  through 
kicking  about  how  the  show  was  running  into 
the  ground,  when  suddenly  there  was  a  terrific 
smash-up  ahead,  an  engine  boiler  exploded, 
a  freight  car  of  dynamite  on  a  side  track  ex- 

'33 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

ploded  and  there  was  a  grinding  and  bumping 
of  cars.  Then  they  rolled  down  a  bank,  over 
and  over,  so  the  upper  berth  was  the  lower 
berth  half  the  time,  and  finally  the  whole  busi- 
ness stopped  in  a  hay  marsh,  and  the  bilge 
water  in  the  marsh  leaked  into  the  hold  of  our 
car;  people  screamed,  and  some  one  yelled 
"fire!"  and  I  pulled  on  pa  till  he  woke  up. 

I  thought  pa's  head  was  all  caved  in,  be- 
cause he  talked  nutty.  The  first  thing  he  said 
was:  "Say  I,  pronounce  your  name,  and  re- 
peat after  me,"  and  then  he  said:  "I  promise 
and  swear  that  I  will  never  reveal  the  secrets 
of  this  degree,"  and  then  the  conductor  pulled 
pa's  leg  and  said:  "Crawl  out  of  the  window, 
old  man,  'cause  the  train  is  in  the  ditch,  the 
car  is  afire,  and  if  you  don't  get  out  in  about 
a  minute  with  the  other  freaks,  you  will  be  a 
burnt  offering." 

Pa  said  you  couldn't  fool  him,  'cause  he 
knew  he  was  being  initiated  into  the  20- 
steenth  degree  of  the  Masons,  and  he  guessed 
he  could  tell  a  degree  from  a  train  wreck, 
'cause  the  degree  was  a  darn  sight  worse  than 
a  wreck,  but  the  conductor  took  one  of  those 
long  glass  fire  extinguishers  and  sprinkled  the 
medicated   water   on   the  freaks   in   the  next 

139 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

berth,  and  then  turned  it  on  pa,  and  pa  tastecl 
it,  and  thought  he  was  at  a  banquet,  and  he 
said  "that  sauterne  is  not  fit  to  drink." 

Then  when  the  bearded  woman  yelled  that 
the  fire  had  almost  reached  her  whiskers,  and 
would  nobody  save  her,  pa  began  to  get  ready 
to  move  on,  'cause  he  concluded  he  hadn't 
been  riding  a  goat  after  all,  and  he  told  me 
to  hand  him  his  pants.  Pa  is  a  man  that  will 
never  go  out  among  people,  no  matter  how 
dark  the  night  is,  without  his  pants,  and  I 
admire  him  for  it.  Some  of  the  circus  men 
didn't  care  for  dress  that  night,  but  got  out 
just  as  they  were,  and  the  result  was  that 
when  daylight  came  they  had  to  tie  hay 
around  their  legs. 

Our  car  was  bottom-side  up,  but  I  found 
pa's  pants  and  he  got  his  legs  in,  and  I  but- 
toned him  in,  but  I  felt  all  the  time  as  though  I 
had  buttoned  them  in  the  back,  so  the  seat  was 
in  front,  but  the  fire  was  crackling  and  pa 
pushed  me  out  of  a  transom,  and  then  he 
crawled  out,  and  we  sat  down  in  the  mud. 

The  bearded  woman  came  next,  with  her 
whiskers  done  up  in  curl  papers,  and  then  the 
fat  woman  got  one  foot  through  the  transom, 
and  she  couldn't  get  it  back  in,  and  the  train 

140 


Pa  Got  an  Ax  and  Cut  the  Fat  Woman  Out. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

hands  got  an  ax  and  were  going  to  cut  her 
leg  off,  and  save  one  foot,  at  least,  when  pa 
got  a  move  on  him,  and  took  the  ax  and  broke 
out  the  side  of  the  car,  and  got  her  out.  Eight 
or  nine  men  lifted  her  tenderly  onto  a  stack  of 
hay,  and  she  wrapped  it  around  her,  'cause 
she  left  her  clothes  in  her  berth. 

Well,  it  was  a  sight  when  the  people  were 
got  out  of  our  car,  and  they  let  it  burn,  to  light 
up  the  scene,  and  pa  and  I  and  the  boss  can- 
vasman  went  along  the  ditched  train,  and 
helped  people  out.  The  giant  was  in  two  up- 
per berths,  and  he  got  one  leg  out  of  the 
transom  over  one  berth,  and  one  leg  out  of 
the  transom  over  the  other  berth,  and  we 
pulled  his  legs,  but  he  couldn't  make  it,  so  pa 
took  an  ax  and  made  both  berths  into  one,  and 
got  him  out. 

The  giant  shook  himself  and  started  on  a 
run  across  the  marsh,  but  he  mired  up  to  his 
neck,  and  a  farmer  who  heard  the  noise  came 
to  order  us  off  his  hay  field  for  trespass,  and 
yelled:  "Here's  a  head  of  some  of  your  per- 
formers cut  off  away  over  here,"  and  he  was 
going  to  bring  it  in,  when  the  farmer  found 
the  head  was  alive,  and  he  ran  away  from  it. 

In  an  hour  we  had  everybody  out,  and  made 

142 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

beds  for  them  by  spreading  out  hay  cocks,  and 
nobody  seemed  to  be  hurt  so  very  much.  We 
heard  a  locomotive  whistle  up  the  road,  and 
some  one  said  the  relief  train  was  coming  with 
doctors  and  nurses,  but  the  show  owner  who 
was  with  us  said:  "Relief  doctors,  nothing. 
That  is  a  train-load  of  lawyers  and  claim 
agents  to  settle  with  us.  The  doctors  will  not 
come  till  to-morrow.  Now,  everybody  pre- 
tend to  be  hurt  awful  bad,  and  strike  the 
sharks  for  $10,000  apiece,  and  come  down  to 
$100,  if  you  can't  do  any  better." 

It  was  getting  daylight,  and  the  relief  train 
stopped,  and  the  good  Samaritans  came  wad- 
ing into  the  hay  marsh,  bent  on  settling  with 
us  cheap.  The  first  lawyer  asked  the  princi- 
pal owner  how  many  were  killed,  'cause  they 
could  figure  exactly  how  much  they  have  to 
pay  for  a  dead  one,  but  the  live  ones  are  the 
ones  that  make  trouble  for  a  railroad,  'cause 
they  can  kick  and  argue.  The  boss  said  no- 
body was  dead,  but  the  giant,  who  was  mired 
in  out  of  sight.  The  giant  heard  what  was 
said,  and  he  yelled  that  he  was  alive,  and 
wouldn't  settle  for  less  than  $20,000,  but  the 
claim  agent  said  the  giant  would  be  dead  in 

143 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

15  minutes  in  that  quicksand,  so  he  would  let 
him  sink,  and  pay  for  him  as  a  dead  one. 

The  giant  said  if  they  would  pull  him  out 
of  the  mud  he  would  settle  for  $100,  and  they 
pulled  him  out,  and  the  rest  of  the  injured 
were  going-  to  mob  him  for  settling  so  cheap. 

One  of  the  claim  agents  found  the  bearded 
woman  sitting  on  a  hay  cock,  combing  out  her 
whiskers,  and  asked  what  it  would  take  to 
settle,  and  she  said  $10,000,  and  she  got  up  and 
walked  over  to  another  hay  cock  where  the 
Circassian  beauty  was  drying  her  hair,  and  the 
claim  agent  looked  at  how  spry  the  bearded 
woman  walked,  and  he  said  to  the  boss:  "7. 
won't  give  that  fellow  with  the  curly  whiskers 
a  single  kopeck,"  and  the  bearded  woman 
came  back  and  swatted  the  claim  agent  for 
calling  her  a  fellow.  So  they  compromised  on 
$200,  and  she  went  behind  the  haystack  and 
put  it  in  her  stocking,  which  convinced  the 
claim  agent  that  she  wasn't  a  man. 

A  near-sighted  claim  agent  came  to  the  hay- 
stack where  the  fat  woman  was,  and  the  boss 
told  her  now  was  her  time  to  have  a  mess  of 
hysterics,  so  she  set  up  a  cry  that  scared  the 
agent,  who  thought  there  were  at  least  six 
women  on  the  haystack,  and  he  said:    "What 

144 


"What  Hit  Him?     That's  the  Worst  Case   I   Ever  Saw!" 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

will  all  of  you  people  up  there  on  the  haystack 
settle  for  in  a  lump,  for  I  am  in  a  hurry?" 

The  fat  woman  caught  on  at  once,  and  said: 
"We  will  all  settle  for  $10,000."  Then  she 
yelled,  and  the  agent  thought  her  back  was 
broke,  and  he  offered  $7,500,  and  she  cried  and 
said:  "Make  it  $10,000,"  and  the  agent  said: 
"I  will  go  you,"  and  he  made  out  a  check,  and 
the  fat  woman  had  some  more  hysterics. 

I  had  watched  the  settling  all  around,  and 
I  told  pa  to  be  deaf  and  dumb  when  they  came 
to  him,  and  just  point  to  the  seat  of  his  pants 
in  front  and  buttoned  up  behind,  and  look  as 
though  he  was  suffering  the  tortures  of  the  in- 
quisition, and  let  me  do  the  talking,  and  I 
would  make  the  old  railroad  go  into  a  receiv- 
er's hands. 

So  pa  said:  "You  are  the  boss,"  and  he 
looked  so  pitiful  that  I  almost  cried. 

When  the  near-sighted  claim  agent  came  to 
pa,  I  told  him  that  pa's  last  words  were  to  beg 
to  be  shot,  and  the  man  looked  at  pa's  pants, 
and  then  at  his  face,  and  said:  "What  hit 
him?  That's  the  worst  case  I  ever  saw  in  a 
railroad  wreck." 

I  put  my  handkerchief  to  my  eyes  and  said: 
"Well,  when  the  shock  came,  pa  was  all  right, 

146 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

as  handsome  a  man  as  you  would  often  see. 
I  think  there  must  have  been  a  pile  driver  on 
the  train  that  struck  him,  and  changed  sides 
with  him,  knocking  his  stomach  around  on 
the  back  side  of  him,  and  placing  his  spinal 
column  around  in  front  of  him,  where  his 
stomach  was,  and  causing  him  to  lose  the 
sense  of  speech.  Think  of  a  middle-aged  man 
going  through  life  mixed  up  in  that  manner, 
having  to  sit  down  on  his  stomach,  and  having 
his  backbone  staring  him  in  the  face.  How 
does  he  know  when  he  takes  food  in  his  mouth 
that  it  can  corkscrew  around  under  his  arm 
and  eventually  find  his  stomach?  How  a  man 
can  be  ground  and  twisted,  and  mauled,  and 
stamped  on  by  a  reckless  locomotive  with  a 
crazy  engineer  and  a  drunken  fireman,  rolled 
over  by  box  cars,  and  walked  on  by  elephants, 
and  still  live,  is  beyond  me.  As  he  told  me  be- 
fore he  lost  the  power  of  speech,  not  to  be  too 
hard  on  the  railroad  company,  though  some 
railroads  would  be  glad  to  pay  him  $20,000, 
and  no  questions  asked,  he  begged  me,  as  heir 
to  his  estate,  to  let  you  off  for  a  paltry 
$10,000." 

Pa  made  up  the  darndest  face,  and  groaned. 
The   agent    called   another   agent,   and    they 

147 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

whispered  together,  and  finally  the  first  one 
came  to  me  and  asked  pa's  full  name,  and  then 
the  two  of  them  got  out  a  fountain  pen,  and 
they  made  out  a  check,  and  he  said:  "This  is 
the  first  case  in  the  history  of  railroad  wreck- 
ing that  the  agent  has  not  had  the  heart  to  try 
to  beat  the  injured  party  down.  This  is  cer- 
tainly the  most  pitiful  case  that  has  ever  been 
known,  and  if  your  father  ever  comes  to  his 
senses  you  can  tell  him  he  is  welcome  to  the 
money." 

The  agents  shook  hands  with  pa  and  I,  and 
went  away  to  their  train,  and  pa  winked  at 
me,  and  a  wrecking  train  came  and  we  got  on 
a  special,  and  got  to  Pittsburg  before  break- 
fast, and  pa  is  going  to  buy  me  a  dog  out  of 
the  money. 

Gee,  but  there  is  all  kinds  of  money  in  the 
circus  business.  Pa  is  going  to  wear  his  pants 
hind  side  before  until  we  get  out  of  Pittsburg, 


148 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XII. 

The  Bad  Boy  Causes  Trouble  Between  the 
Russian  Cossacks  and  the  Jap  Jugglers — A 
Jap  Tight-Rope  Walker  Jiu-Jitsu's  Pa— 
The  Animals  Go  on  a  Strike — Pa  Runs  the 
Menagerie  for  a  Day  and  Wins  Their  Grati- 
tude. 

I  did  not  mean  any  harm  when  I  told  the 
Japanese  jugglers  that  they  ought  to  kick 
against  having  those  Russian  cavalrymen  in 
the  show,  the  fellows  who  ride  horses  stand- 
ing up,  in  the  wild-west  department,  'cause  I 
had  listened  to  their  Russian  talk,  and  it 
seemed  to  me  they  were  spies  who  were  look- 
ing for  a  chance  to  do  injury  to  the  "poor  little 
Japs."  I  could  see  that  I  made  the  Japs  mad 
the  first  thing,  and  then  I  told  them  that  pa 
and  all  the  managers  of  the  show  felt  sorry 
for  the  little  Japs,  'cause  some  day  the  big 
Russians  would  ride  right  over  them,  and  kill 
them  right  in  the  ring.  I  said  that  everybody 
thought  the  Japs  ought  to  resign  from  the 
show,  for  fear  of  a  clash  with  the  Russians,  or 

149 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

else  they  ought  to  have  some  grown  persons 
to  act  as  chaperones. 

You  ought  to  have  seen  the  look  of  scorn 
on  the  faces  of  the  Jap  jugglers  when  the  in- 
terpreter told  them  that  the  circus  people  were 
afraid  the  Russians  would  hurt  them.  They 
jabbered  awhile,  and  then  the  interpreter  told 
me  that  the  ten  little  Japs  could  whip  the  20 
Russians  in  four  minutes.  Probably  it  was 
none  of  my  business,  and  I  never  ought  to 
have  repeated  it,  but  in  a  circus  everybody 
wants  to  know  everything  that  is  going  on, 
so  when  the  big  leader  of  the  Russians  asked 
me  what  those  brown  monkeys  were  talking 
about,  I  told  him:  "Nothing  particular,  only 
they  say  the  ten  of  them  could  lick  you  20  Rus- 
sians in  four  minutes." 

Gee,  didn't  that  Russian  talk  kopec  and 
damski,  and  froth  at  the  mouth.  Then  he 
called  his  Russians  together,  and  the  talk 
sounded  as  though  a  soda  fountain  had  burst. 
Then  they  all  yelled :  "Killovitch  the  monkey- 
ouskis." 

I  went  and  told  pa  there  was  going  to  be  a 
riot  between  the  Jap  jugglers  and  the  Russian 
horsemen,  and  probably  the  fight  would  take 
place  when  the  Japs  came  out  of  the  ring  at 

ISO 


"Gee,    But  Didn't  That    Russian    Talk    Kopec   and    Damakl.'* 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  afternoon  performance,  and  the  Russians 
went  in,  right  near  the  dressing-room.  I  asked 
pa  not  to  mix  in  it,  but  keep  away  in  the  ani- 
mal tent.  Pa  said,  not  much,  he  wouldn't  be 
away,  and  he  told  all  the  managers,  and  they 
all  got  around  the  dressing-room  to  stop  the 
muss,  if  one  started. 

Well,  to  show  how  the  Japs  were  organized, 
as  soon  as  they  felt  there  was  going  to  be  a 
row,  they  kept  their  eyes  on  the  Russians  all 
the  time  they  were  in  the  ring  doing  their  pole 
balancing,  and  the  little  Jap  up  on  the  bamboo 
pole,  with  a  fan,  kept  jabbering  to  the  fellows 
down  on  the  ground,  and  I  could  see  that  trou- 
ble was  coming.  When  their  act  was  over  the 
Japs  bowed  to  the  audience,  and  started  out 
where  the  Russians  were  lined  up  to  come  rid- 
ing in.  The  big  Russian  said:  "Look  at  the  lit- 
tle monkeys,"  but  he  hadn't  got  the  words  out 
of  his  mouth  before  the  Japs  turned,  and  every 
man  grabbed  the  tail  of  every  other  horse,  and 
jumped  up  behind  the  Russians,  and  each  of 
the  ten  Japs  took  a  Russian  by  the  neck  with 
a  jiu  jitsu  strangle  hold,  and  reached  out  his 
leg  and  wound  it  around  the  Russian  on  the 
next  horse,  and  in  ten  seconds  they  had  un- 
horsed the  20  Russians.     The  whole  30  men 

352 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

were  on  the  ground  rolling  in  the  sawdust, 
the  Japs  rolling  over  and  under  the  Russians, 
twisting  their  legs  and  arms  in  an  unknown 
manner,  and  making  them  yell  for  help  like  a 
mastiff  that  has  trifled  in  an  overbearing  man- 
ner with  a  little  bulldog,  until  the  bulldog  got 
mad  and  began  the  chewing  act  on  the  mas- 
tiff's fore  leg. 

It  was  the  worst  mix-up  ever  was  and  the 
managers  told  pa  to  put  a  stop  to  it,  and  pa 
pulled  off  his  coat  and  grabbed  the  first  Jap 
he  could  dig  out,  and  began  to  pull  him,  like 
you  would  take  hold  of  the  leg  of  a  dog  in  a 
fight. 

Pa  said:  "Here,  quit  this  foolishness,  'cause 
there  is  an  armistice,  and  the  war  is  over,  any- 
way." 

O!  O!  but  the  Jap  didn't  do  a  thing  to  pa. 
He  grabbed  pa  by  the  wrist,  and  he  seemed  to 
be  having  an  epileptic  fit,  and  pa's  leg  shot  out 
so  his  feet  hit  a  guy  pole,  and  then  the  Jap 
pulled  him  back  like  he  was  a  rubber  ball  on 
a  string,  and  then  he  took  pa  by  the  elbow  and 
held  him  out  at  arm's  length,  and  then  swung 
him  around  a  few  times  and  let  go  of  him,  and 
he  fell  down  among  the  reserved  seats  whir.h 
representatives  of  the  press  occupy.    Pa  stood 

153 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

on  one  ear  on  a  crushed  chair,  with  his  legs 
over  the  railing-,  and  when  he  came  to,  the 
newspaper  men  wanted  to  interview  pa.  Pa 
said  all  he  remembered  was  that  the  air  ship 
was  sailing  over  the  town,  and  they  threw  him 
out  for  ballast,  and  he  struck  a  church  spire 
and  bounded  onto  a  warehouse  filled  with 
dynamite,  which  exploded  when  he  struck  it, 
and  the  neighbors  picked  his  remains  up  on 
a  dustpan  and  emptied  them  in  here.  Then  he 
asked  if  his  head  was  on  straight,  and  the  cir- 
cusmen  took  him  away  to  the  hospital  tent. 

The  circus  hands  separated  the  Russians 
and  Japs,  or  at  least  pulled  off  the  Japs,  and 
the  Russians  limped  to  the  dressing-room, 
and  their  act  was  cut  out.  Unless  the  terms 
of  peace  between  Japan  and  Russia  include 
the  belligerents  in  our  show,  there  will  be  rows 
every  day. 

Pa  came  to  the  car  on  crutches  that  night 
just  before  the  train  pulled  out  for  Philadel- 
phia, and  wanted  to  know  where  I  was  during 
the  fight.  He  said  he  rushed  right  in  and 
grabbed  a  Jap  in  one  hand  and  a  Russian  in 
the  other,  and  bumped  their  heads  together, 
and  threw  one  of  them  towards  the  ring,  and 
the  other  up  among  the  seats,  and  he  wanted 

154 


«0,  But  the  Jap  Didn't  Do  a  Thing  to  Pa!" 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

to  know  if  I  thought  he  killed  either  or  both 
of  them. 

I  hate  a  boy  that  will  deceive  his  father,  but 
I  told  him  there  was  talk  about  two  perform- 
ers, one  a  Russian  and  the  other  a  Jap,  that 
were  left  at  the  morgue,  but  I  didn't  know 
anything  sure  about  it,  and  pa  said:  "I  was 
afraid  I  should  hurt  them,  but  they  brought  it 
on  themselves  by  breaking  the  rules  of  the 
show  against  fighting  during  a  performance," 
and  pa  rolled  over  and  groaned  in  his  berth, 
and  went  to  sleep  and  snored  so  the  freaks 
wanted  to  have  a  nose  bag,  such  as  horses  eat 
out  of,  pulled  over  pa's  face. 

The  queerest  thing  that  ever  happened  in 
the  circus  business  in  this  country  took  place 
at  Germantown,  Pa,  The  teamsters  went  on 
a  strike  at  Pittsburg,  for  increase  in  wages 
and  shorter  hours,  and  for  two  days  the  man- 
agement had  a  great  time. 

We  had  to  get  drays  to  haul  the  stuff  from 
the  train  to  the  lot,  and  then  our  teamsters 
got  the  local  draymen  to  join  them,  and  when 
we  got  ready  to  haul  the  stuff  back  to  the  train 
nobody  would  do  any  work,  and  the  walking 
delegates  from  the  Teamsters'  union  just  took 
possession  of  the  show,  and  we  were  stuck, 

156 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

like  an  automobile  when  the  gasoline  gives 
out. 

We  had  got  to  looking  at  the  teamsters  as 
of  no  particular  account  when  they  walked 
out,  but  when  they  wouldn't  work,  they  be- 
came the  most  important  part  of  the  show, 
and  after  the  show  was  over  the  managers 
who  had  told  the  striking  teamsters  to  go 
plumb,  found  that  they  had  gone  plumb,  and 
they  had  to  rush  all  over  Pittsburg  and  find 
them,  and  grant  their  demands,  and  get  them 
to  go  to  work. 

Pa  was  sent  out  to  find  a  bunch  of  them,  and 
it  cost  pa  over  $30  to  get  them  out  of  a  beer 
garden,  and  back  to  the  lot,  and  it  was  almost 
daylight  before  we  got  our  train  started  for 
the  next  town. 

Well,  at  the  next  town  we  could  see  there 
was  something  the  matter  with  the  animals. 
They  acted  as  though  they  had  lost  all  interest 
in  the  success  of  the  show,  and  wouldn't  do 
any  of  their  stunts  worth  a  cent.  The  ele- 
phants went  through  their  act  carelessly,  and 
when  they  were  scolded  or  prodded  with  the 
iron  hook,  they  got  mad  and  wanted  to  fight, 
and  when  they  got  back  from  the  ring  to  the 
animal  tent  they  wouldn't  eat  the  baled  hay, 

157 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

but  threw  it  all  over  the  tent,  and  acted  riot- 
ous. 

The  kangaroos  would  not  do  their  boxing 
act,  the  horses  kicked  at  their  hay,  and 
wouldn't  eat  their  oats,  the  camels  growled 
at  their  food,  and  scared  the  people  who 
passed  by  where  they  were  tied  to  stakes,  the 
sacred  cattle  got  their  backs  up  and  acted  as 
though  they,  being  pious,  couldn't  swear,  but 
would  like  to  hire  the  hyenas  to  swear  for 
them;  the  giraffes  laid  down  and  curled  their 
necks  so  they  were  no  attraction  to  the  show, 
'cause  a  giraffe  is  no  curiosity  unless  he 
stretches  himself  away  up  towards  the  top  of 
the  tent.  The  zebras  rolled  in  the  mud  and 
spoiled  their  stripes,  so  people  couldn't  tell 
them  from  common  mules;  the  grizzly  bear 
walked  his  cage,  and  kept  giving  vent  to  bear 
language,  and  the  big  lion  was  howling  all 
the  time. 

The  show  was  a  failure  at  that  town,  and 
when  we  loaded  the  train  the  managers  held 
a  meeting  in  our  car  to  decide  what  in  thun- 
der was  the  matter  with  the  animals.  All 
kinds  of  theories  were  advanced,  such  as 
poison,  malaria  from  Indiana,  and  pure  cuss- 
edness.    After  they  had  discussed  the  matter 

158 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

awhile,  pa  came  in,  and  they  asked  him  what 
he  thought  about  it,  and  that  tickled  pa,  'cause 
as  foolish  as  he  looks,  he  helps  the  show  out  of 
lots  of  bad  holes.  Pa  lit  a  cigar  and  put  it 
in  one  side  of  his  mouth,  put  his  hat  up  on  one 
side  of  his  head,  like  he  was  tough,  and  looked 
wise,  and  said: 

"Fellow  fakirs,  I  have  been  watching  the  an- 
imals all  day,  and  while  I  do  not  say  they  un- 
derstand enough  of  the  ways  of  human  beings 
to  be  posted  on  labor  unions,  and  all  that,  I 
want  to  tell  you  they  are  on  a  strike,  and  that 
grizzly  and  that  lion  are  the  walking  delegates 
that  are  stirring  them  up  to  mischief.  They 
may  not  know  anything  about  the  teamsters' 
strike,  but  they  know  something  has  hap- 
pened, and  they  are  displeased  at  something, 
and  they  have  lost  respect  for  the  employer. 
They  are  on  a  strike,  and  the  very  devil  is  go- 
ing to  pay  to-morrow,  unless  the  cause  of  the 
dissatisfaction  is  discovered,  mutual  conces- 
sions made,  and  arbitration  resorted  to. 

"Gentlemen,  you  hear  me,"  said  pa,  and  he 
sat  down  on  the  edge  of  the  arm  of  the  car 
seat. 

They  gave  pa  the  laugh,  but  finally  told  him 
to  take  charge  of  the  strike  and  settle  it  quick, 

159 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

but  they  wanted  to  know  what  he  thought  an- 
imals would  be  dissatisfied  about,  as  long  as 
they  got  food  enough  to  eat. 

Pa  said:  "I'll  tell  you.  You  feed  the  horses 
and  other  hay-eating  animals  on  musty  baled 
hay,  bought  from  contractors  that  may  have 
had  it  on  hand  for  five  years.  How  would  you 
like  it  if  you  were  served  with  breakfast  food 
that  had  been  stored  in  a  warehouse  until  it 
was  mildewed?  A  horse  or  an  elephant  has 
feelings.  Give  them  baled  hay,  and  when  they 
are  trying  to  pick  out  a  mouthful  that  is  not 
spoiled,  you  drive  along  with  a  load  of  nice 
new-mown  timothy  or  alfalfa,  and  see  them 
make  a  rush  for  that  load  of  hay,  the  way  my 
ten-horse  team  did  the  other  day  for  that  load 
of  cornstalks.  Then  the  sacred  cattle  are  hot 
under  the  collar  because  of  the  fellows  who 
use  profanity.  Can  you  imagine  a  sacred  cow 
trying  to  be  good,  and  set  a  pious  example 
to  the  heathen  animals,  being  patient  when 
they  have  to  listen  to  swearing?  You  buy 
meat  that  is  tainted  for  the  lions,  who  like 
fresh  meat,  and  the  jackal,  that  only  loves  bad 
meat,  gets  the  only  sirloin  in  the  lot.  Let  me 
run  the  menagerie  to-morrow,  and  I  will  have 

160 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Mr.  Lion,  the  walking  delegate,  declare  this 
strike  off." 

Well,  they  told  pa  to  arbitrate  the  strike, 
and  the  next  day  he  had  a  couple  of  loads  of 
timothy  hay,  such  as  mother  used  to  make, 
driven  in  and  unloaded,  and  the  horses,  ele- 
phants, camels,  and  things  almost  set  up  a 
cheer  for  pa.  The  meat-eating  animals  were 
given  a  picnic  of  the  freshest  beef,  with  a  little 
so  decayed  that  it  was  only  fit  to  be  burfed, 
for  the  hyenas  and  jackals,  and  every  animal 
was  happy.  They  did  their  turns  better  than 
ever,  and  the  sacred  cattle  almost  acted  devil- 
ish. 

Now  the  animals  have  declared  the  strike 
off,  and  they  want  to  lick  pa's  hand.  The  own- 
ers of  the  show  appreciate  genius,  and  they 
have  raised  pa's  salary  and  given  him  full 
charge  of  the  menagerie. 


161 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

The  Circus  Strikes  the  Quaker  City— They  Gg 
on  a  Ginger  Ale  Jag — Pa  Breaks  Up  an  In- 
dian War  Dance  and  Comes  Near  Being 
Burned  Alive — The  World's  Fair  Cannibals 
Have  a  Roast  Dog  Feast. 

Ever  since  we  knew  the  show  was  billed  for 
Philadelphia  for  a  Saturday  and  that  we 
should  have  to  stay  over  Sunday  in  that  town, 
there  has  been  symptoms  of  a  revolt.  Every- 
body connected  with  the  show  has  a  horror 
of  being  found  dead  in  Philadelphia.  They 
claim  it  is  too  dead  for  live  people,  and  not  very 
satisfactory  to  dead  people. 

A  performer  who  was  with  the  show  last 
year  says  that  nobody  but  the  newspaper  peo- 
ple who  had  free  tickets  attended  the  perform- 
ances, and  some  of  them  wouldn't  go  in  the 
tent  unless  the  press  agent  promised  to  set 
up  a  free  lunch,  with  devilish  ginger  ale  to 
drink,  and  that  the  press  people  got  riotous  on 
ginger  ale.  A  ginger  ale  jag  is  terrible.  When 
a  man  is  full  of  ginger  ale  his  intestines  loop 
the  loop,  and  tie  up  in  knots,  and  gripe  like 

162 


WITH  THE  CIRCUb 

cholera  infantum,  and  unless  his  friends  hold 
him  he  goes  out  into  the  world  and  wants  to 
kill  the  women  and  children,  and  non-com- 
batants. 

Last  year  our  press  agents  filled  up  the 
members  of  the  local  press  with  ginger  ale, 
and  when  we  struck  Philadelphia  this  time  the 
newspapers  had  sworn  out  warrants  for  our 
show,  on  the  charge  of  compounding  a  felony, 
which  I  suppose  is  the  legal  name  for  ginger 
ale.  The  way  the  Quakers  patronize  a  show 
is  to  put  on  their  gray  clothes,  and  their  big 
white  hats  and  stand  on  the  corners  when  the 
parade  goes  by,  and  never  crack  a  smile,  or 
act  interested,  and  when  the  parade  has  passed 
they  go  to  the  circus  lot  and  see  the  balloon 
ascension,  and  stand  on  wagon  wheels  and  try 
to  look  over  the  side  of  the  tent  at  the  per- 
formance, and  then  they  kick  because  the  au- 
dience on  the  back  seats  cut  off  their  view 
from  the  wagon  wheels. 

Last  year  our  show  killed  a  Quaker,  and  the 
community  is  down  on  us.  The  Quaker  got 
in  the  show  because  he  owned  a  half  inch  of 
ground  that  its  tents  were  on,  and  he  stood 
right  by  the  ring,  and  when  the  champion 
female  rider  was  suspended  in  the  air  between 

163 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

two  bareback  horses,  he  leaned  over  too  far 
inside  the  ring,  and  she  kicked  his  hat  clear 
up  to  the  roof  of  the  tent,  and  a  female  trapeze 
performer  up  there  caught  it  and  sat  down  on 
it  on  the  trapeze.  The  old  Quaker  had  heart 
disease  and  fell  dead.  What  the  Quakers 
complained  of  was  that  after  the  Quaker's  re- 
mains had  been  removed  from  the  ring,  that 
the  show  went  right  on.  They  claimed  that 
we  ought  to  have  shown  proper  respect  for 
the  dead  by  closing  the  show  for  30  days,  and 
wearing  crape  on  our  arms,  but  a  circus  is  not 
built  that  way. 

Ordinarily  it  may  be  quiet  enough  in  Phil- 
adelphia on  Sunday,  but  pa  found  that  he  had 
more  of  a  run  for  his  money  than  at  any  place 
we  have  been  so  far.  We  have  had  a  tribe  of 
Indians  with  our  wild  west  department  all 
summer,  and  pa  has  not  stood  very  well  with 
the  Indians  since  he  was  in  charge  of  the  show 
at  Fort  Wayne,  and  they  all  got  drunk,  and  he 
had  them  tied  up  to  the  poles  around  the  ring 
until  they  got  sober.  They  have  laid  for  pa 
ever  since,  and  it  was  only  a  matter  of  time 
when  they  got  him.  Then  at  Pittsburg  our 
manager  picked  up  a  company  of  cannibals 
that  had  got  left  over  from  the  St.  Louis  fair, 

164 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

and  who  agreed  to  perform  for  their  board  and 
clothes,  and  as  they  don't  wear  any  clothes 
to  speak  of,  and  only  eat  dog  week  days,  and 
hope  to  get  a  human  being  to  roast  on  Sun- 
day, it  seemed  a  pretty  good  bargain. 

Well,  the  Indians  got  permission  to  hold  a 
green  corn  dance  in  a  piece  of  woods  near  the 
circus  lot,  and  the  management  got  them  a 
wagon  load  of  corn,  and  they  had  built  a  fire 
and  were  roasting  the  corn,  and  dancing,  and 
pa  didn't  know  about  it,  and  just  after  dark 
the  Quaker  who  owned  the  woods  complained 
to  pa,  who  was'  on  watch  Sunday  night,  that 
his  Indians  had  got  off  the  reservation  and 
were  preparing  to  go  on  the  warpath,  and  he 
wanted  them  to  get  off  his  premises.  Pa  said 
he  would  go  right  over  and  drive  them  back 
to  the  tents. 

I  tried  to  get  pa  to  let  the  police  go  and 
drive  them  off,  but  he  said  he  hadn't  no  time 
to  go  and  wake  up  the  police,  and  they 
wouldn't  get  around  anyway  before  the  mid- 
dle of  the  week.  So  pa  took  a  tent  stake  and 
started  for  the  green  corn  roast.  The  Indians 
were  taking  turns  dancing  and  eating  roasted 
corn,  and  they  had  a  barrel  of  beer,  and  I  knew 
enough  about  Indians  to  keep  away  from  them 

165 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

when  thew  mix  beer  with  green  corn,  for  it 
has  about  the  same  effect  as  committing  sui- 
cide with  carbolic  acid. 

Pa  put  his  hat  on  one  side  of  his  head  and 
went  right  into  the  midst  of  the  Indians,  and 
grabbed  a  chief  called  "One  Ear  at  a  Time," 
and  hit  him  with  the  tent  stake,  and  knocked 
him  down,  and  said,  "Now,  you  git."  Well, 
sir,  that  Indian  had  no  more  than  struck  the 
fire  in  a  sitting  position,  and  filled  the  air  with 
the  odor  of  fried  buckskin,  before  the  whole 
tribe  jumped  on  pa,  and  they  kicked  him  with 
their  moccasins,  and  were  going  to  murder 
him,  while  the  chief  who  acted  as  the  burnt 
offering  got  out  of  the  fire,  and  sat  down  in 
the  cold  mud  to  cool  himself.  He  held  up  his 
hand  as  a  signal  of  attention,  and  he  called 
a  council  of  war,  while  the  squaws  sat  on  pa 
to  hold  him  down. 

The  council  of  war  sentenced  pa  to  be 
burned  at  the  stake,  and  they  tied  him  to  a 
tree  and  began  to  pile  sticks  around  him,  and 
pa  told  me  to  go  to  the  circus  lot  and  give  an 
alarm,  and  send  the  hands  to  rescue  him.  Gee, 
but  didn't  I  run  though,  and  yell  an  alarm  big 
enough  for  a  massacre.  I  told  the  hands,  who 
were  sleeping  under  the  seats,  or  playing  cards 

166 


'W 


The   Indians  Tied   Pa  to   a  Tree   and    Began  to    PH«  Stick* 

Around  Him. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

on  the  trunks  that  the  Indians  were  burning  pa 
at  the  stake,  and  some  of  the  hands  said  that 
would  serve  him  right,  and  the  fellows  that 
were  playing  cards  said  they  didn't  want  to 
break  up  the  game  when  they  were  losers,  to 
rescue  no  baldheaded  curmudgeon.  I  thought 
pa  was  a  goner,  sure,  'cause  I  could  hear  the 
Indians  yell,  and  I  thought  I  could  smell  flesh 
burning.  Oh,  but  I  was  scared  for  fear  they 
would  burn  pa  alive. 

Just  then  the  man  who  had  charge  of  our 
cannibals,  who  each  had  a  dog  that  they  were 
looking  for  a  place  to  roast,  came  along  and  I 
told  him  about  the  Indians'  corn  roast,  and  he 
ordered  the  cannibals  to  go  drive  the  Indians 
away  from  their  fire  and  roast  their  dogs. 
Well,  it  worked  like  a  charm,  and  the  cannibals 
made  a  rush  for  the  Indians  and  drove  them 
away  just  as  they  had  lighted  the  fire  around 
pa,  and  we  were  not  a  minute  too  soon.  After 
the  Indians  had  skedaddled  for  the  woods, 
and  we  cut  the  cords  that  bound  pa,  the  canni- 
bals went  to  work  and  skun  the  dogs,  and  be- 
gan to  cook  them,  and  pa  looked  on,  until  it 
made  him  squirmish,  but  he  was  so  tickled 
at  being  saved  from  the  Indians,  that  he  tried 
to  be  a  good  fellow  with  the  cannibals.  I  guess 

1 68 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

it  would  have  been  all  right,  only  the  canni- 
bals got  to  drinking  the  Philadelphia  beer,  and 
then  it  was  all  off,  cause  roast  dog  wasn't  good 
enough  for  them,  and  they  wanted  to  roast  pa. 

First  they  offered  pa  dog  to  eat,  but  he  had 
swore  off  on  dog,  and  passed  on  it,  and  that 
made  the  cannibals  mad,  and  they  got  ready 
to  roast  pa,  and  I  guess  they  would  have  eaten 
him  half  cooked,  if  it  hadn't  been  for  the  per- 
formers and  freaks  who  had  missed  their  pet 
dogs,  and  the  circus  hands  told  them  the  can- 
nibals had  just  gone  to  the  woods  with  a  mess 
of  dogs  to  roast  for  a  dog  feast. 

Well,  they  were  just  getting  a  fire  around 
pa,  and  he  was  giving  the  grand  hailing  sign 
of  distress,  when  the  performers,  headed  by 
the  fat  woman,  whose  peeled  Mexican  dog 
was  lost  in  the  shuffle,  came  in  amongst  the 
cannibals,  and  pa  and  the  other  dogs  were 
rescued,  in  the  darnedest  fight  I  ever  saw.  The 
performers  just  walked  right  over  the  canni- 
bals, and  mauled  them  with  stakes,  and  all  the 
dogs  that  had  not  been  killed  were  pulled 
away  from  the  heathen,  and  saved.  The  fat 
woman  got  her  dog  all  right,  and  when  pa 
came  up  from  the  stake  where  they  were  go- 
ing to  burn  him,  and  congratulated  her  on  re- 

169 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

covering  her  dog,  she  turned  on  pa  and  ac- 
cused him  of  being  the  leading  cannibal,  and 
that  he  was  the  one  who  put  up  the  whole  job 
to  steal  the  dogs.  She  jabbed  him  with  a  par- 
asol, but  pa  was  innocent. 

The  Indians  got  back  to  the  tent  along  to- 
wards morning,  and  the  cannibals  went  back 
with  us,  and  we  had  to  feed  them  on  weiners, 
which  was  the  nearest  to  roast  dog  we  could 
get  for  them  at  that  time  of  night. 

Pa  seems  to  get  it  in  the  neck  in  this  show, 
'cause  everything  that  goes  wrong  is  laid  to 
him,  and  if  anything  goes  right,  somebody 
else  gets  the  credit,  and  I  think  he  would  re- 
sign if  it  was  not  for  his  pride.  After  the 
trouble  about  the  Indians  and  the  cannibals 
the  manager  called  pa  up  and  reprimanded 
him  for  indulging  the  tribes  in  their  wild 
orgies,  and  said  he  couldn't  maintain  disci- 
pline as  long  as  pa  mixed  up  with  them  and 
encouraged  them  in  such  things. 

Pa  tried  to  explain  that  he  was  the  victim 
instead  of  being  the  cause  of  the  dog  roast, 
but  the  manager  dismissed  pa  by  telling  him 
not  to  let  it  occur  again.  Then  to  show  the  in- 
consistency of  the  manager,  he  ordered  pa 
to  go  on  ahead  of  the  show  to  New  York,  and 

170 


TheFat  Woman   Jabbed    Pa  with   Her  Parasol. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

advertise  that  the  cannibals  in  our  show  would 
give  an  exhibition  cf  roasting  and  eating  a 
human  being,  and  to  offer  a  reward  for  any- 
body that  would  consent  to  be  roasted  and 
eaten  in  public. 

Pa  has  gone  to  New  York  to  look  for  some- 
body who  will  take  the  position  of  meat  for 
the  cannibals,  and  he  is  instructed  to  spare  no 
expense  to  find  such  a  man.  He  thinks  he  may 
find  somebody  connected  with  the  Life  Insur- 
ance scandal,  who  has  lost  all  desire  to  live  any 
longer,  and  who  will  gladly  go  into  this  "mu- 
tual" scheme.    I  don't  know. 

This  circus  business  is  too  much  for  me, 
'cause  I  am  losing  friends  all  the  time.  Even 
the  monkeys  have  got  so  they  seem  to  be 
ashamed  to  be  seen  talking  to  me,  and  when  I 
pass  the  monkey  cage  they  turn  their  backs  on 
me,  as  though  I  did  not  belong  to  their  set. 
When  a  fellow  gets  so  low  that  monkeys  feel 
above  him,  and  throw  out  sarcastic  remarks 
when  he  goes  by,  it  is  time  to  change  your 
luck  some  way. 


172 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

A  Newport  Monk  Is  Added  to  the  Show — The 
Boy  Teaches  Him  Some  "Manly  Tricks"— 
The  Tent  Blows  Down  and  a  Panic  Follows 
— Pa  Manages  the  Animal  Act  Which  Ends 
in  a  Novel  Manner. 

We  have  added  to  the  show  the  most  re- 
markable animal  that  ever  was — a  baboon  that 
dresses  like  a  man,  and  eats  at  a  table,  using  a 
knife  and  fork,  and  a  napkin.  This  baboon  has 
been  playing  an  engagement  with  the  Four 
Hundred  at  Newport,  dining  with  the  crowned 
heads  at  that  resort,  but  the  confounded 
baboon  got  to  be  too  human,  and  he  fell  in 
love  with  an  heiress,  and  scared  one  of  the 
Willie  boys  that  was  also  in  love  with  her.  His 
friends  were  afraid  that  the  baboon  would  cut 
Willie  out  entirely,  or  get  jealous  and  injure 
Willie,  so  the  manager  of  the  Four  Hundred 
show  decided  to  banish  the  baboon,  and  our 
show  sent  pa  to  Newport  to  buy  the  baboon 
and  bring  him  to  our  show  at  New  York. 

We  had  the  darndest  time  getting  him  away 
from  Newport.    Pa  couldn't  do  any  with  him, 

173 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

but  he  took  to  me,  'cause  he  thought  I  was 
his  long-lost  brother,  and  I  could  do  anything 
with  him.  We  got  him  in  our  stateroom  on 
the  boat,  and  took  his  clothes  away  irom  him, 
'cause  he  only  wears  his  clothes  when  he  is 
being  dined  and  wined,  and  we  chained  him  in 
the  upper  berth.  He  just  raised  the  very  deuce 
on  the  way  down  to  New  York.  After  pa  and 
I  got  to  sleep  that  baboon  got  my  clothes,  and 
put  them  on,  slipped  the  chain  over  his  head, 
jumped  through  the  transom,  and  went  into 
every  berth  where  the  transom  was  open,  and 
chatted  with  the  people  who  occupied  the 
berths.  There  was  an  old  man  and  woman 
from  New  Hampshire  in  one  berth,  and  when 
the  monk  got  in  their  berth  and  began  to  talk 
the  Newport  language,  the  old  man  thought 
it  was  me,  and  he  said:  "Now,  bub,  you  go 
away  to  your  pa." 

The  monk  went  out,  and  got  into  another 
berth,  and  crawled  under  the  bunk,  and  when 
the  woman  came  in  to  go  to  bed,  she  looked 
under  it  to  see  if  any  man  was  there.  When 
she  saw  our  baboon  she  yelled  "fire,"  and  the 
officers  of  the  boat  pulled  him  out  by  the  hind 
leg,  and  tore  my  pant  leg  off.  Pa  and  I  had  to 
sit  up  the  rest  of  the  night  with  him,  and  when 

174 


When  She  Saw  the  Baboon  She  Yelled  Fire* 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

we  landed  him  with  the  show  at  Madison 
Square  Garden  we  felt  relieved. 

One  woman  on  the  boat  has  followed  us 
ever  since  to  collect  damages  from  pa,  'cause 
his  oldest  son,  the  monk,  proposed  to  her. 
Gee,  it  seems  to  me  a  woman  ought  to  know 
the  difference  between  a  baboon  and  a  man, 
but  some  women  will  marry  anything  that 
wears  clothes. 

The  monk  took  to  me  so,  Pa  said  I  must 
teach  him  everything  I  could  that  men  do,  so 
I  though  it  would  do  no  harm  to  teach  him  to 
chew  tobacco,  'cause  he  could  already  smoke 
cigarettes,  so  I  borrowed  a  chew  from  the  boss 
canvasman,  a  great  big  chew  of  black  plug 
tobacco,  and  the  monk  grabbed  it,  and  chewed 
it  awhile,  just  before  the  afternoon  perform- 
ance, and  swallowed  it.  I  knew  that  settled 
the  monk,  and  when  the  audience  came  along 
by  his  cage,  and  pa  was  trying  to  get  him  to 
perform,  as  he  did  at  Newport,  eating  dinner 
like  a  man,  the  monk  turned  pale,  and  his 
stomach  ached,  and  he  stood  on  his  head,  and 
held  his  stomach  in  both  hands,  and  kicked  the 
table  over.  Then  he  hit  pa  a  swat  with  his 
foot,  and  wound  his  tail  around  pa's  neck,  and 

176 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

laid  his  head  on  pa's  shirt  bosom,  and  was  sea- 
sick. 

Pa  said:  "Well,  this  beats  everything. 
What  did  you  do  to  him?" 

I  told  pa  I  had  only  been  teaching  the  monk 
manly  tricks,  and  pa  said:  "Well,  you  have 
overdone  it."  And  then  the  Humane  society 
had  pa  arrested  for  cruelty  to  animals.  But 
the  monk  got  over  it,  and  now  he  tries  to  be 
a  masher,  and  winks  at  women,  and  flirts 
with  them  just  as  the  men  do  at  Newport. 

■»!*■  *L»  *J*  «A»  »*»■  vi.  >j* 

*^  ^^  >«  ^^  *^  ^*  ^* 

We  thought  we  were  smart  when  we  held 
up  the  railroad  for  damages  back  in  Pennsyl- 
vania, after  the  wreck,  but  we  are  getting  a 
dose  of  our  own  medicine.  At  Poughkeepsie 
there  came  up  a  wind  and  rainstorm  that  blew 
the  tent  down  right  in  the  midst  of  the  even- 
ing performance,  and  scared  everybody  half  to 
death.  Several  people  were  hit  by  tent  poles 
and  hurt  some,  and  it  was  the  wildest  scene  I 
ever  saw,  and  people  who  got  out  alive  ran 
away  in  the  dark,  and  somebody  said  the  ani- 
mals had  all  got  loose,  and  some  of  the  peo- 
ple never  stopped  running  till  daylight  the 
next  morning. 

Some  run  into  the  river,  and  the  ambulances 

177 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

carried  the  injured  to  hospitals.  Pa  stampeded 
with  the  elephants,  and  never  showed  up  till 
noon  the  next  day.  By  that  time  at  least  1,000 
people  had  filed  claims  for  damages,  and  all 
the  lawyers  from  Albany  to  New  York  were  on 
our  trail. 

The  managers  appointed  pa  to  settle  with 
the  injured,  and  the  way  he  argued  with  those 
people  was  a  caution.  One  old  woman  was 
killed,  and  pa  tried  to  show  her  relatives  that 
as  she  was  old  and  helpless,  and  more  or  less 
a  burden  to  the  family,  they  ought  to  pay  the 
show  something  for  getting  her  off  their 
hands.  One  tramp  had  his  feet  cut  off,  and 
pa  tried  to  show  him  how  much  he  would 
save  in  shoes  the  rest  of  his  life,  and  that 
he  was  in  big  luck.  We  left  pa  at 
Poughkeepsie  to  settle  the  cases,  and  went 
on  to  New  York,  and  we  heard  the  peo- 
ple had  lynched  him,  but  he  showed  up  in  a 
couple  of  days  with  money  left.  Now  all  the 
lawyers  in  New  York  are  after  us  with  claims 
and  they  have  attached  most  everything,  and 
the  show  is  up  against  it. 

What  a  difference  it  makes  who  wants  dam- 
ages. When  we  were  working  the  railroad  for 
damages,  it  was  a  cinch,    and    like    getting 

178 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

money  from  home,  but  now  that  the  people 
are  working  us  for  damages,  for  being 
smashed  up  under  our  tent,  we  look  upon  it  as 
a  crime,  and  tell  them  it  is  an  act  of  Provi- 
dence, and  that  the  show  is  not  to  blame  for 
a  windstorm.  But  the  lawyers  can't  be  very 
pious,  for  they  won't  believe  in  the  act  of  Prov- 
idence racket,  and  we  shall  have  to  cough  up 
all  the  profits  of  the  season. 

Since  we  got  settled  in  New  York  for  a  two 
weeks'  stand,  in  Madison  Square  Garden,  we 
are  having  the  tents  repaired,  and  don't  have 
to  put  up  and  take  down  tents,  and  ride  all 
night  on  trains.  We  are  all  stopping  at 
hotels  and  getting  rested,  and  pa  is  having  a 
chance  to  shine. 

The  managers  think  pa  is  trying  to  commit 
suicide,  for  he  wants  to  take  the  place  of  any- 
body who  is  sick  or  drunk,  and  is  the  under- 
study of  everybody.  We  got  one  act  that  just 
curdles  your  blood,  a  cage  in  the  ring,  with 
lions  and  tigers  and  leopards,  who  go  through 
all  kinds  of  stunts.  One  lion  rides  a  horse 
and  jumps  through  hoops,  and  lands  on  the 
back  of  the  horse,  and  jumps  on  a  staging  and 
lets  the  horse  go  around  the  ring,  and  then 
jumps  on  again.    The  horse  is  blindfolded,  so 

179 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

he  don't  know  it  is  a  lion  that  jumps  on  his 
back,  but  thinks  it  is  a  man. 

The  tigers  ride  bicycles,  and  the  leopards 
jump  about  wherever  the  trainer  tells  them  to; 
a  monkey  acts  as  clown,  and  a  little  elephant 
runs  a  make-believe  automobile.  That  act 
alone  is  worth  the  price  of  admission. 

Well,  the  regular  trainer  went  to  Coney  Is- 
land, and  got  drunk,  and  we  either  had  to  cut 
out  that  performance,  or  give  back  the  money, 
and  the  manager  was  wailing  about  it,  'cause 
nothing  makes  a  circus  man  wail  like  giving 
back  good  money.  Then  pa  said  he  would 
save  the  day  by  taking  charge  of  the  animal 
act.  He  said  he  had  watched  it  every  day, 
and  knew  how  to  do  it,  and  he  could  dress 
up  in  the  clothes  of  the  regular  trainer,  and 
the  animals  wouldn't  know  the  difference. 
Gee,  but  I  was  scared  to  have  pa  try  to  run 
that  animal  show,  and  I  think  everyone  in 
the  show  believed  it  would  be  pa's  finish.  I 
felt  like  an  orphan  when  pa  came  out  of  the 
dressing-room  with  the  trainer's  clothes  on, 
though  pa's  stomach  was  so  big  you  would 
think  a  blindfolded  horse  would  know  pa  was 
no  trainer. 

Well,  pa  went  in  the  round  cage  made  of 

180 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

bar  iron,  and  motioned  to  the  attendants  to 
send  the  animals  into  the  cage  through  the 
chute  from  the  animal  quarters.  The  first  to 
come  were  two  tigers  that  were  to  ride  ve- 
locipedes. I  trembled  for  pa  when  they  went 
in  and  waved  their  tails  and  looked  at  pa  as 
much  as  to  say:  "O,  we  won't  do  a  thing  to 
you."  They  actually  looked  at  each  other  and 
winked;  but  pa  motioned  to  the  velocipedes, 
and  looked  fierce,  and  when  they  hesitated 
about  getting  on,  pa  said:  "You  won't,  won't 
you,"  and  he  took  a  club  filled  with  lead  and 
started  for  the  biggest  tiger.  He  hesitated 
a  moment,  and  then  he  jumped  on  the  ma- 
chine, and  the  other  followed,  and  they 
raced  around,  and  then  pa  made  them  get  off 
and  jump  hurdles.  Finally  he  motioned  to  a 
shelf  for  them  to  jump  up  onto,  and  when  they 
hesitated  he  kicked  one  in  the  slats,  and  hit 
the  other  with  the  club,  and  they  went  up  on 
that  shelf  too  quick,  but  they  stayed  there  and 
snarled  at  pa,  and  I  was  afraid  they  would 
jump  on  him  when  his  back  was  turned. 

Then  they  brought  in  the  blind  horse  and 
the  lion,  and  the  lion  was  onto  pa,  and  he 
struck  right  off.  He  got  up  on  the  pedestal 
from  which  he  was  to  jump  onto  the  horse's 

181 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

back,  but  when  the  horse  came  around  the  lion 
wouldn't  jump,  and  pa  said :  "I'll  give  you  one 
more  chance,"  and  the  horse  went  under  the 
lion,  and  he  wouldn't  jump.  So  pa  stopped  the 
horse  and  took  an  iron  bar  and  knocked  the 
lion  off  onto  the  floor,  and  he  growled  at  pa, 
but  pa  kept  mauling  him,  and  finally  the  lion 
jumped  up  on  the  pedestal  and  seemed  to  say: 
"Bring  on  your  horse,"  and  pa  started  the 
horse,  and  Mr.  Lion  made  his  jumps  all  right, 
and  the  audience  cheered  pa. 

All  the  animals  went  through  their  stunts 
all  right,  but  I  thought  I  could  see  they  were 
laying  for  pa,  and  I  wished  he  was  out  of  the 
cage.  The  wind-up  came  when  the  lions  were 
seated  on  benches,  and  the  elephant  was  be- 
tween them,  and  the  tigers  and  leopards  made 
a  pyramid,  and  the  monkey  was  clawing 
around  pa's  legs.  The  signal  was  about  to  be 
given  for  the  animals  to  return  through  the 
chute,  when  the  monkey  tackled  pa's  legs  like 
a  football  player,  the  elephant  pushed  pa  over, 
and  the  lions  pawed  him  and  snarled,  and  the 
tigers  took  a  mouthful  out  of  pa's  pants,  and 
the  leopards  snatched  his  red  coat  off,  and  the 
signal  was  given  for  them  to  get  out  of  the 
cage,  and  they  went  out  like  boys  at  recess, 

182 


Pa  Kept  Mauling  the  Lion. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

leaving  pa  in  the  cage  with  the  blind  horse, 
with  not  clothes  enough  left  on  him  to  wad  a 
gun.  He  was  not  even  scratched,  however,  the 
animals  having  just  combined  to  humiliate  pa. 

The  audience  cheered.  Pa  said  "Well, 
wouldn't  that  skin  you."  They  threw  him  an 
overcoat  to  put  on,  and  he  bowed  like  a  hero, 
and  quit  the  ring  cage,  and  was  met  outside 
by  the  whole  show  management,  and  congrat- 
ulated on  having  more  nerve  than  any  man 
alive. 

Pa  said:  "If  you  will  give  me  a  shotgun 
loaded  with  bird  shot,  I  will  make  those  ani- 
mals get  on  their  knees  at  the  next  perform- 
ance, and  beg  my  pardon.  You  can  discharge 
your  trainer,  and  I  will  teach  them  a  lot  of 
new  stunts." 

Say,  pa  is  a  wonder,  and  he  has  already  got 
old  Barnum  beat  a  block. 


1 84 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XV. 

The  Bad  Boy  Feeds  the  Menagerie  Scotch 
Snuff — Pa  Gets  Mauled  by  the  Sneezing  Ani- 
mals— Pa  Takes  a  Midnight  Ride  on  a  Mule 
to  Escape  Punishment. 

Well,  I  s'pose  I  have  done  it  now  and  it 
would  not  surprise  me  to  be  killed  and  fed  to 
wild  animals.  The  manager  of  the  show  was 
talking  to  pa  and  me,  before  we  left  New  York, 
about  the  condition  of  the  show.  Its  finances 
were  all  balled  up  on  account  of  settling  with 
people  who  pretended  to  be  injured  when  the 
tent  blew  down  at  Poughkeepsie,  and  the 
hands  and  performers  are  kicking  because  we 
are  a  month  behind  on  salaries,  and  they  get 
drunk  whenever  any  jay  will  buy  for  them. 
Everybody  gives  passes  to  everybody  that 
wants  to  get  in  the»show,  so  the  box  office  man 
has  a  sinecure,  and  people  chase  us  from  town 
to  town  for  money  for  board,  and  hay  and 
everything. 

All  through  New  Jersey  we  showed  to  claim 
agents  and  creditors,  and  didn't  take  in  money 
enough  to  buy  meat  for  the  animals.    He  said 

185 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  animals  had  all  taken  cold,  and  lay  around 
dormant,  and  didn't  take  any  interest  in  the 
business,  and  the  manager  told  pa  he  must 
think  of  something  to  wake  the  animals  up. 
Pa  said  he  would  leave  it  to  me  to  wake  'em 
up,  and  get  some  ginger  into  them.  I  told  pa 
if  I  had  five  dollars  to  spend  I  could  make  every 
animal  jump  like  a  box  car.  Pa  gave  me  the 
money,  and  I  went  and  bought  five  pounds  of 
Scotchsnuff,  and  divided  it  up  into  ounce  pack- 
ages, and  started  during  the  afternoon  per- 
formance at  Wilmington,  Del.,  to  wake  up  the 
animals. 

There  is  something  peculiar  about  animals, 
if  you  try  to  give  them  anything  that  they 
think  you  want  them  to  take,  you  can't  drive 
it  down  them  with  a  pile  driver,  but  if  you  try 
to  hide  something  where  they  can  reach  it, 
they  watch  you  out  of  one  eye,  and  when  you 
go  away  they  look  at  you  as  much  as  to  say: 
"O,  you  think  you  are  smart,  don't  you?" 
Then  they  will  go  and  dig  it  up,  and  play  with 
it,  and  eat  it  if  they  want  to. 

I  took  my  first  package  of  snuff  to  the  lion's 
cage,  and  he  was  the  sickest  and  most  disgust- 
ed looking  lion  you  ever  saw,  acting  like  a 
man  who  has  taken  a  severe  cold,  and  wants 

1 86 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

to  kill  anybody  that  looks  at  him.  The  lion  lay 
on  the  straw,  stretched  out  full  length,  paying 
no  attention  to  the  crowd  that  passed  his  cage, 
and  acting  as  though  he  wanted  a  hot  whisky 
and  his  feet  soaked  in  mustard  water.  When 
he  was  not  looking  I  hid  the  package  of  snuff 
under  the  straw,  and  rattled  the  straw  a  little, 
and  he  opened  his  eyes  and  looked  at  me  as 
much  as  to  say:  "You  can't  fool  old  Shadrack, 
for  I  am  onto  you."  I  walked  away  behind  the 
hyena  cage,  and  Mr.  Lion  got  up  and  stretched 
himself,  and  walked  to  the  place  where  I  put 
the  paper  of  snuff,  put  his  foot  on  it  and  broke 
the  paper,  and  then  he  put  his  nose  down  and 
sniffed  a  sniff  that  drew  the  whole  of  the  snuff 
up  into  his  nose  and  lungs,  and  insides  gen- 
erally. 

Gee,  but  you  never  saw  such  a  change  in  a 
lion.  The  crowd  of  visitors  were  right  near 
his  cage,  when  he  sniffed,  and  when  he  got  the 
snuff  into  him,  he  began  to  heave  his  sides  like 
a  man  who  is  preparing  to  sneeze,  caught  his 
breath  a  few  times,  and  let  out  a  sneeze  that 
sounded  like  the  explosion  of  an  automobile 
tire.  It  threw  cut  feed  all  over  the  audience, 
and  everybody  ran  away  yelling  that  the  lion 
busted. 

187 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

He  kept  on  sneezing,  and  looking  so  as- 
tounded, as  though  he  couldn't  make  out  what 
had  got  into  him.  Pa  heard  the  commotion 
and  came  running  up  to  the  cage  to  find  out 
what  ailed  the  lion.  After  I  had  gone  around 
to  the  other  cages  and  put  snuff  in  all  of  them, 
I  came  up  to  the  lion's  cage.  The  lion  had 
stopped  sneezing  and  was  roaring  and  jumping 
up  and  down,  with  his  mouth  open,  trying  to 
catch  his  breath,  like  a  man  who  has  taken  too 
big  a  dose  of  fresh  horse-radish. 

Pa  said:  "What  have  you  been  doing  to 
Shadrack?" 

I  told  pa  I  had  woke  Shadrack  up,  and  that 
in  about  a  minute  he  would  find  that  the  whole 
animal  kingdom  had  got  a  bellyful,  and  would 
join  in  the  chorus. 

Pa  tried  to  soothe  the  lion  by  going  up  to  the 
cage  and  stroking  his  mane,  but  the  lion  looked 
cross-eyed  and  stopped  prancing  and  gave  a 
sneeze  right  at  pa,  which  blew  pa  clear  across 
the  tent  to  where  the  sacred  cow  had  just  got 
hers.  When  the  stuff  began  to  work  on  that 
cow  it  was  simply  scandalous,  'cause  she  bel- 
lowed and  cried  and  sneezed  all  at  once,  and 
pawed  pa.  He  got  up  and  told  me  I  was  over- 
doing this  waking  up  act  on  the  animals. 

188 


The  Lion  Sneezed  and   Blew  Pa  Clear  Across  the  Tent. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

By  that  time  the  cage  of  hyenas  began  to 
sneeze  a  quartette,  and  fight  each  other,  and 
the  atmosphere  about  their  cage  was  full  of 
hair  and  language  that  would  be  much  like 
cussing  if  it  could  be  translated  into  English. 
Pa  tried  to  quiet  the  crowd  and  silence  the 
hyenas  by  taking  an  iron  bar  and  mauling 
them,  but  the  hyenas  just  backed  up  against 
the  rear  of  the  cage  and  howled  and  sneezed 
at  pa,  and  dared  him  to  come  on. 

One  of  them  caught  him  by  the  shirt  sleeve 
and  tore  pa's  shirt  off  and  eat  it.  Pa  was  a 
sight,  with  no  shirt  on,  and  he  ought  to  have 
gone  to  the  dressing  room  and  slicked,  but 
just  then  the  camels  and  the  giraffes,  who  had 
inhaled  their  snuff,  began  to  sneeze  and  beg  to 
be  killed,  and  pa  had  to  go  over  there  and  quiet 
them.  A  camel  is  the  solemnist  looking  beast 
on  earth  when  he  tries  to  be  good  natured,  but 
when  he  is  sick  and  mad,  and  full  of  snuff,  he 
is  a  fiend.  One  such  camel  is  enough  for  a  man 
to  handle,  but  when  14  camels  are  all  sneezing 
at  once,  and  trying  to  locate  the  person  that  is 
responsible  for  their  trouble,  it  is  the  safest  to 
keep  away,  and  when  pa  went  in  amongst 
them,  with  no  shirt  on,  and  the  Arab  keepers 

190 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

had  run  away  in  fright,  it  was  a  dangerous 
thing  to  do. 

But  pa  is  brave  even  to  rashness.  He  went 
up  to  Mahomet,  the  double-humped  leader  of 
the  herd,  who  was  the  leader  of  the  sneezers, 
and  kicked  him  in  the  slats  and  told  him  to 
hush  up  his  noise.  He  clubbed  him  on  the 
humps  with  a  tent  stake.  Then  there  was  a 
rebellion  in  Egypt,  and  Mahomet  bit  pa,  and 
wouldn't  let  go,  and  the  other  camels  sneezed 
all  over  pa,  and  had  him  down,  walking  on 
him  with  their  padded  feet.  The  circus  hands 
had  to  pull  pa  out,  and  it  wasn't  so  bad,  be- 
cause the  crowd  remained  and  they  thought  it 
was  a  part  of  the  show,  and  that  the  animals 
were  trained  to  sneeze  that  way. 

The  worst  case  was  the  hippopotamus.  He 
was  so  big,  and  had  such  big  nostrils,  that  1 
laid  about  half  a  pound  of  snuff  on  the  side  ol 
his  tank,  and  when  he  snuffed  it  up  his  nose  he 
got  it  all.  I  heard  a  howl  from  the  tank  and 
the  herd,  who  was  the  leader  of  the  sneezers, 
and  I  told  pa  to  come  on,  'cause  Vessuvious- 
was  going  to  erupt. 

Pa  came  on  the  run,  just  as  he  was,  and  then 
the  worst  happened.  I  think  the  hippo  went 
under  water  when  he  found  the  sneeze  was 

191 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

coming,  for  just  as  pa  got  to  the  tank  the 
water  flew  into  the  air  like  a  torpedo  had  ex- 
ploded under  a  battle-ship,  and  the  hippo  had 
sneezed  all  right  and  pa  and  the  audience 
which  had  followed  him  were  drenched  and 
deafened  by  the  explosion.  The  hippo  had 
blown  the  water  all  out  of  his  tank,  and  he 
lay  at  the  bottom,  on  his  side,  sneezing 
little  sneezes  not  louder  than  the  report  of  a 
six-pound  cannon,  and  panting  for  breath. 
Then  he  raised  his  head,  got  up  on  his  feet, 
and  opened  his  mouth  like  a  gash  cut  in  a 
steer  by  a  cow  catcher  of  an  engine,  and  he 
yawned,  and  I  guess  he  got  the  lockjaw,  'cause 
he  kept  his  mouth  open  all  the  afternoon  to 
get  the  air,  like  a  soprano  singer  in  a  choir, 
who  has  been  fed  a  cayenne  pepper  lozenger 
by  the  tenor,  just  before  she  gets  up  to  sing: 
"A  Charge  to  Keep,  I  Have." 

We  went  around  and  inspected  the  sneezing 
animals  with  the  manager,  and  he  compliment- 
ed me  by  saying  I  had  saved  the  show  from  be- 
coming an  aggregation  of  stuffed  animals,  only 
fit  for  a  taxidermist  studio,  and  made  every 
animal  show  that  he  had  ginger  in  him.  He 
wanted  me  to  try  my  snuff  cure  on  the  per- 

192 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

formers  and  freaks,  'cause  they  were  getting 
to  be  dead  ones. 

Well,  before  the  day  was  over  at  Wilming- 
ton, Del.,  pa  was  scared  worse  than  he  ever 
was  in  all  his  life  before.  The  state  of  Dela- 
ware is  the  only  state  that  punishes  criminals 
by  tying  them  up  and  whipping  them  on  the 
bare  back  with  a  cat-o'-nine-tails,  and  all  our 
men  had  been  warned  to  be  good  while  they 
were  in  Delaware,  'cause  if  they  committed 
any  crime  there  was  no  power  on  earth  that 
could  save  them  from  being  publicly  horse- 
whipped. Pa  himself  impressed  it  on  the  men 
to  look  out  that  they  didn't  get  into  any 
trouble.  Gee,  but  the  fear  of  a  public  whip- 
ping makes  men  good. 

Twenty  years  ago  some  hold-up  men  from 
New  York  robbed  a  bank  in  Delaware,  and 
were  caught,  and  given  50  lashes  apiece  on 
the  bare  back,  by  a  big  negro,  and  there  has 
never  been  a  burglary  in  Delaware  since.  We 
thought  we  would  play  a  joke  on  pa,  so  the 
manager  told  pa  that  constables  were  looking 
for  him  to  arrest  him  for  cruelty  to  animals, 
for  kicking  a  camel  in  the  stomach,  and  hitting 
the  camel  with  an  iron  bar,  and  that  if  pa 
didn't  want  to  be  publicly  horsewhipped  on  the 

193 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

bare  back  he  better  skip  out  for  Washington, 
D.  C,  where  we  would  show  in  a  couple  of 
days,  and  wait  for  us. 

Pa  was  so  frightened  he  couldn't  get  supper, 
and  everybody  talked  about  cats  of  nine  tails, 
and  how  prisoners  were  cut  to  pieces,  and 
every  time  pa  saw  a  jay  with  a  slouch  hat  he 
thought  it  was  a  constable  after  him.  After 
dark  he  put  on  an  old  suit  of  clothes  and  said 
he  was  going  to  Washington.  They  told  him 
if  he  went  to  take  a  train  he  would  surely  be 
arrested  at  the  depot,  so  pa  put  a  saddle  on  one 
of  the  mules,  and  rode  out  of  town  and  rode 
all  night,  and  all  the  next  day  he  bought  oats 
of  farmers  to  be  delivered  at  Wilmington  for 
the  circus.  Finally  he  got  out  of  Delaware, 
and  the  next  day  the  farmers  came  in  with  the 
oats,  but  the  show  was  gone,  and  they  won't 
do  a  thing  to  pa  if  he  ever  shows  up  in  Dela- 
ware again. 

Pa  met  us  at  the  depot  in  Washington,  but 
he  was  ever  so  changed  from  his  long  ride  and 
anxiety  over  the  possibility  of  being  arrested 
and  pilloried,  and  lambasted  by  a  negro  in 
Delaware.  He  said  to  me,  with  a  trembling 
voice:  "Hennery,  this  'ere  show  business  is 
too  much  for  your  pa.     I  would  rather  be  a 

194 


Rode  Out  of  Town  and  Rode  All  Night. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


Mormon,  in  Utah,  with  40  wives,  and  several 
hundred  children,  and  long  whiskers.  I  am  a 
changed  man.  Hennery,  and  afraid  of  my 
shadow." 


T06 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

A  Senator's  Son  Bets  the  Bad  Boy  That  Ele- 
phants Are  Cowards — They  Let  a  Bag  of 
Rats  Loose  at  the  Afternoon  Performance — 
The  Elephants  Stampede,  Pa  Fractures  a 
Rib  and  General  Pandemonium  Reigns. 

Gee,  but  I  must  be  an  easy  mark.  I  have  got 
so  I  bet  on  a  sure  thing,  and  when  a  fellow 
bets  on  a  sure  thing  he  is  bound  to  lose. 

It  was  this  way.  The  show  arrived  in 
Washington,  D.  C,  on  a  Sunday  morning,  and, 
as  usual,  all  the  boys  in  town  came  to  the  lot 
to  see  us  put  up  the  tents.  I  was  around  with 
pa  and  the  boss  canvasman,  and  the  town  boys 
could  see  I  belonged  to  the  show,  and  they  en- 
vied me  and  wanted  to  get  acquainted  with 
me,  so  I  would  let  them  walk  around  with  me, 
and  go  into  the  tents  Sunday  afternoon  and 
see  the  animals. 

There  was  one  boy  with  a  sort  of  rough 
rider  hat  on,  and  buckskin  fringe  on  his  pants, 
and  everybody  said  he  was  a  senator's  son,  but 
the  other  boys  had  rather  be  acquainted  with 
me,  because  I  belonged  to  the  show,  and  I  took 

197 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

pity  on  the  senator's  son  and  let  him  talk  to 
me,  without  looking  cross  at  him,  or  snubbing 
him,  as  I  do  most  boys  who  try  to  butt  iv  on 
me.  I  got  to  liking  the  senator's  son  and  had 
him  come  in  the  tent,  and  we  put  in  the  after- 
noon looking  at  the  animals. 

The  elephants  were  chewing  hay  and  looking 
fierce,  and  the  senator's  boy  said  elephants 
were  the  greatest  cowards  on  earth,  and  I 
said,  "Not  on  your  life;  the  giant  in  our  show 
is  the  greatest  coward,  and  the  behemoth  of 
holy  writ  is  next."  The  senators  son  said  ele- 
phants were  such  cowards  they  were  afraid  of 
mice,  and  we  could  take  a  trap  full  of  mice 
and  turn  them  loose  in  the  ring  and  the  ele- 
phants would  stampede,  and  he  would  bet  five 
dollars  on  it.  I  excused  myself  for  a  moment 
and  told  pa  what  the  senator's  son  offered  to 
bet,  and  pa  said:  "Here's  $50,  and  you  can 
take  all  the  bets  you  can  get.  Why,  this  herd 
of  elephants  would  walk  on  mice,  and  rats, 
too.  You  bet  with  him  and  tell  him  to  bring 
along  all  the  rats  and  mice  he  can  find  in  the 
white  house,  and  you  can  turn  them  into  the 
ring  Monday  afternoon  when  the  elephants  do 
their  turn,  and  if  an  elephant  bats  an  eye  I  will 
eat  his  ears  lor  mushrooms." 

198 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

I  went  back  to  young  Mr.  Senator  and  took 
his  bet,  and  told  him  I  had  plenty  more  money 
to  bet  the  same  way,  and  he  said  the  next  after- 
noon he  would  come  with  his  mice  and  rats, 
and  a  lot  of  money  to  bet  that  you  couldn't 
hold  that  flock  of  elephants  with  log  chains 
when  he  opened  his  bag  of  rats  and  mice. 

Well,  how  it  got  into  the  papers  I  do  not 
know,  but  the  next  morning  they  all  said  an 
interesting  experiment  would  be  made  the 
next  afternoon  at  the  great  and  only  circus, 
to  determine  once  and  for  all  whether  ele- 
phants were  afraid  of  mice,  and  that  a  senator's 
son  and  a  son  of  one  of  the  proprietors  of  the 
show  would  conduct  the  experiment  by  turn- 
ing loose  a  lot  of  mice  and  rats  in  the  rings 
at  precisely  3:30  p.  m. 

Well,  you  never  saw  such  a  crowd  in  a  circus 
as  we  had  that  afternoon.  It  seemed  as  though 
the  whole  population  turned  out,  foreign  min- 
isters, negroes,  society  people  and  clerks.  That 
senator's  son  and  the  whole  family,  and  the 
i  ighors,  must  have  been  up  all  night  catch- 
ing mice  and  rats,  and  it  took  nine  boys  and 
three  servants  to  carry  the  baskets  and  traps 
and  bags  of  mice  and  rats.  I  passed  them  all 
in  and  we  lined  up  on  a  front  seat  to  wait  for 

199 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  elephant  stunt,  and  when  the  thing  was 
ripe  we  were  to  empty  the  whole  mess  of  ver- 
min into  the  ring. 

I  felt  as  though  something  was  wrong  'cause 
I  saw  the  new  moon  over  my  left  shoulder 
the  night  before,  and  now  I  wish  I  had  died 
before  this  thing  happened.  When  the  Japan- 
ese jugglers  went  out  of  the  ring  I  knew  that 
was  the  cue  for  the  elephants  to  come  in,  and 
when  the  dressing  room  curtain  was  pulled 
aside  and  old  Bolivar  came  out  at  the  head 
of  the  herd,  and  they  marched  around  the  out- 
side of  the  ring,  clear  around  the  tent,  my 
heart  jumped  up  into  my  throat,  and  I  felt 
sick. 

The  senator's  son  said:  "When  these  rats 
and  things  begin  to  chase  your  old  elephants, 
you  won't  be  able  to  see  their  tails  for  the 
dust  they  will  kick  up." 

Then  I  thought  of  the  money  pa  had  given 
me  to  bet,  and  I  offered  to  bet  it  all,  and  a 
negro  produced  funds  and  took  all  my  bets 
like  a  bookmaker. 

Well,  after  doing  a  turn  around  the  big  ring, 
the  trainer  steered  the  elephants  into  the  mid- 
dle ring,  and  the  great  audience  leaned  for- 
ward to  catch  every  trick  the  elephants  did. 

200 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Us  boys  held  on  to  the  bags  that  the  mice 
and  things  were  in,  waiting  for  our  cue.  The 
elephants  stood  on  their  heads  and  hind  feet, 
and  fore  feet,  laid  down,  fired  pistols,  and  did 
everything  just  right,  without  making  a  mis- 
take. Finally  the  trainer  formed  the  whole 
herd  into  a  grand  pyramid,  with  old  Bolivar 
in  the  center,  each  elephant  holding  an  Ameri- 
can flag  with  his  trunk,  and  waving  it,  and  the 
audience  broke  out  into  a  cheer  that  fairly 
ripped  the  canvas. 

Then  I  said  to  young  Mr.  Senator:  "Come 
on  with  your  rats,  now,  and  I  win  $50."  All 
hands  picked  up  the  baskets  and  bags  and 
went  to  the  side  of  the  ring  and  emptied  the 
whole  bunch  of  more  than  500  into  the  ring. 
The  rats  and  mice  rushed  for  the  elephants, 
and  then  turned  and  made  a  rush  for  the  re- 
served seats. 

Oh,  dear,  what  a  time  we  had.  The  ele- 
phants got  down  off  that  pyramid  so  quick 
it  would  make  your  head  swim,  and  old  Boli- 
var trumpeted  in  abject  fear,  and  tried  to  break 
away,  but  pa  came  along  with  a  tent  stake 
and  hit  Bolivar  over  the  head,  and  told  the 
trainer  to  put  the  elephants  back  into  the  pyra- 
mid and  hold  them  there  till  the  bell  rung  for 

201 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

them  to  cease  their  stunt.  The  trainer 
couldn't  do  anything  with  them,  and  they  bel- 
lowed and  dodged  mice  and  shied  at  rats,  and 
Bolivar  took  his  trunk  and  swatted  pa  clear 
across  the  ring. 

The  elephants  followed  Bolivar  to  the  main 
entrance,  each  elephant  trying  to  walk  on  the 
heels  of  the  one  ahead  of  him,  and  all  the  cir- 
cus hands  trying  to  head  off  the  elephants, 
but  they  wouldn't  head  off.  They  were  simply 
scared  to  death,  and  they  broke  out  the  side 
of  the  tent  near  the  lemonade  stand  and  went 
whooping  out  into  the  open  air  and  freedom, 
while  the  audience  yelled  with  joy. 

Young  Mr.  Senator  said  to  me:   "What  do 
you  think  of  elephants  now?" 

I  told  him  to    take    his    money    and    he 
darned. 

The  audience  was  getting  nervous,  so  the 
band  struck  up  "A  Hot  Time  in  the  Old 
Town,"  and  they  were  quieting  down  as  the 
curtain  raised  and  the  horses  for  the  chariot 
race  came  out.  Just  then  a  woman  with  red 
socks  got  up  on  her  chair  in  the  press  seats 
and  pulled  her  dress  away  up  and  yelled, 
"Rats!"  and  another  woman  screamed  and 
jumped  up  on  a  seat  with  her  clothes  at  half 

202 


Bolivar  Swatted  Pa  Clear  Across  the  Ring. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

mast,  and  yelled  that  there  were  mice  on  the 
seats.  In  less  than  two  minutes  every  woman 
in  the  audience,  and  the  bearded  woman,  and 
the  fat  woman,  were  standing  up  on  some- 
thing, holding  up  their  dresses  and  shaking 
their  skirts  and  screaming,  and  when  the  fat 
woman  fell  into  the  arms  of  the  bearded 
woman,  in  a  faint,  and  the  bearded  woman 
dropped  the  fat  woman,  pa  told  the  bearded 
woman  he  was  ashamed  of  her  screaming, 
'cause  she  ought  to  be  more  of  a  man  than 
that. 

Well,  every  mouse  and  rat  in  the  bunch 
seemed  to  be  looking  for  women  to  scream 
at  them,  and  there  was  no  use  trying  to  run 
a  show  with  such  an  excited  audience,  so  pa 
had  the  band  play  "Good  Night,  Ladies,"  and 
he  announced  that  the  performance  might  be 
considered  over  for  the  afternoon.  Every- 
body made  a  rush  for  the  exits.  Each  woman 
held  up  her  skirts  and  fairly  galloped  to  get 
away  from  the  mice  and  rats. 

They  all  got  out  of  the  tent  finally,  and 
then  the  managers  had  a  meeting  to  find  out 
who  started  the  trouble,  and  what  it  was  best 
to  do  about  it.  I  was  sitting  alone  on  a  front 
seat,  thinking  over  the  scenes  of  the  after- 

204 


"Pa,  Do   Not  Fear." 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

noon,  and  wondering  what  the  young  sena- 
tor's son  would  do  with  the  money  he  had  won 
of  me,  and  whether  he  had  depopulated  the 
white  house  of  rats  and  mice,  so  the  president 
would  notice  it.  I  was  thinking  about  ele- 
phants and  wondering  if  they  were  cowards 
by  nature,  or  had  acquired  cowardice  by  asso- 
ciating with  mankind,  when  pa  came  along 
and  sat  down  by  me,  a  picture  of  despair, 
'cause  Bolivar  had  fractured  one  of  his  ribs, 
and  the  fat  woman  had  paralyzed  his  knees 
sitting  on  his  lap  while  they  brought  her  to 
after  she  fainted  when  she  thought  a  rat  was 
climbing  into  her  sock. 

Pa  sighed,  and  said:  "Hennery,  I  wanted  an 
exciting  life,  to  keep  me  from  brooding  over 
advancing  age,  and  I  chose  the  circus  busi- 
ness, but  I  find  it  is  rather  too  strenuous  for 
me.  Each  day  something  occurs  to  try  my 
nerves.  I  do  not  claim  that  you  are  to  blame 
for  it  all,  but  I  think  I  could  enjoy  my  position 
with  the  show  if  you  would  take  the  first  train 
that  goes  north,  and  leave  me  for  awhile. 
What  I  need  is  rest.    Go,  boy,  go!" 

I  felt  sorry  for  pa,  but  I  put  my  arm  around 
him,  and  I  said:  "Pa,  do  not  fear.  I  will 
never   desert   you,   until   the   season   is   over, 

206 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Wherever  you  go,  I  will  go,  and  I  will  keep 
you  awake,  don't  fear.  Now  that  we  are  go- 
ing into  the  sunny  south,  where  every  man 
may  have  it  in  for  you,  'cause  you  were  a 
Yankee  soldier,  I  will  stay  by  you,  and  there 
will  be  things  doing  that  will  make  you  think 
the  past  has  been  a  sweet  dream.    See,  pa!" 

Pa   sighed  again,   and   said:      'This   is   too 
much !"  and  he  rushed  off  to  find  the  elephants. 


107 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

The  Bad  Boy  and  the  Senator's  Son  Go  on  an 
Elephant  Chase — The  Senator's  Son  Gets 
His  Friend  a  Bid  to  Dinner  at  the  White 
House — The  Trained  Seal  Swallows  an 
Alarm  Clock. 

The  show  remained  in  Washington  two 
days,  'cause  it  took  all  one  day  and  night  to 
catch  the  elephants,  after  the  senator's  boy 
and  I  turned  the  rats  and  mice  loose  in  the 
ring  while  the  elephants  were  forming  a  pyra- 
mid. Pa  and  all  the  circus  hands  had  to  go 
away  down  towards  the  Bull  Run  battlefield  to 
round  them  up,  and  young  Mr.  Senator  let  me 
ride  one  of  his  ponies  and  he  and  I  went  along 
to  help  catch  the  elephants. 

We  went  out  through  Alexandria  towards 
Bull  Run  battlefield.  There  we  overtook  pa 
and  the  boss  canvasman  and  the  elephant 
handler,  and  we  met  some  farmers  coming  into 
Alexandria  with  their  families,  stampeding 
like  people  out  west  when  the  Indians  go  on 
the  warpath.  They  had  got  up  in  the  morning 
to  milk  the  cows  and  found  about  20  elephants 

208 


■"fv.. 
We  Met  Some  Farmers. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

in  the  barnyard,  making  the  cows  do  a  song 
and  dance.  Pa  told  them  there  was  no  danger 
at  all,  'cause  he  would  take  any  elephant  by  the 
tail  and  snap  its  head  off,  like  boys  snap  the 
heads  off  garter  snakes,  and  I  told  them  that 
me  and  the  senator's  boy  stampeded  the  ele- 
phants and  we  could  drive  them  back  to  town 
like  a  drove  of  sheep. 

The  farmers  thought  we  were  great  and 
they  followed  us  back  to  the  farm,  where  we 
found  the  herd  of  elephants  had  taken  posses- 
sion and  were  having  the  time  of  their  lives. 
About  a  dozen  of  the  big  elephants  had  found 
a  couple  of  barrels  of  cider  in  a  shed  and  had 
been  drinking  it,  and  when  we  got  there  they 
were  like  section  hands  with  jags  on. 

Bolivar,  the  big  elephant,  was  the  drunkest, 
and  when  he  saw  pa  coming  with  the  gang  of 
hands,  with  ropes  and  spears,  he  winked  at  the 
other  elephants  and  seemed  to  say:  "Watch 
me  tree  'em,"  for  he  came  out  of  the  gate  and 
bellowed,  and  made  a  charge  at  the  gang,  and 
pa  beat  them  all  going  up  crab  apple  trees. 
The  senator's  son  saw  pa  up  a  tree,  and  he 
said:  "Old  gentleman,  if  these  are  your  ani- 
mals, or  insects,  or  whatever  they  are,  you 
ought  to  come  down  off  your  perch  and  take 

210 


Old  Gentleman,  You  Ought  to  Come   Down  Off  Your  Perch. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

them  to  a  Keeley  cure,  because  they  are  intox- 
icated." 

And  pa  came  down  and  took  a  fence  rail  and 
sharpened  it  with  an  ax,  and  he  run  it  into  Bol- 
ivar about  a  foot,  and  Bolivar  trumpeted  for 
surrender,  and  that  settled  the  elephant  strike, 
for  pa  ordered  Bolivar  into  the  road,  and  in 
five  minutes  the  whole  herd  of  elephants  was 
following  Bolivar  back  to  Washington,  as 
meek  as  a  drunken  husband  being  led  home  by 
his  wife. 

Gee,  what  do  you  think?  The  president 
heard  how  the  senator's  boy  and  I  stampeded 
the  elephants  and  invited  the  senator's  boy  to 
bring  his  young  friend  around  to  the  white 
house  to  supper.     Well,  we  went. 

I  forgot  what  we  had  to  eat,  I  was  so  inter- 
ested in  the  president's  conversation.  He 
talked  about  the  show  business  as  though  he 
had  been  a  ringmaster  in  a  circus.  He  said 
he  was  in  the  show  the  day  before  when  we 
stampeded  the  elephants,  and  he  told  us  about 
his  hunting  trips  in  the  west,  until  I  could 
smell  bacon  cooking  at  the  camp  fire,  and  I 
could  smell  the  balsam  boughs  they  slept  on, 
on  the  ground. 

When  he  let  up  a  little  on  his  talk,  I  braced 

212 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

up  and  asked  him  if  he  had  rather  shoot  wild 
cats  and  bears  than  be  president.  He  hedged 
and  said  both  occupations  worked  pretty  well 
together  and  he  had  enjoyed  'em  both.  Then 
I  asked  him  if  he  was  going  to  run  for  presi- 
dent again,  and  he  winked  at  his  wife,  and 
then  he  asked  me  what  made  me  ask  the  ques- 
tion. I  told  him  pa  wanted  me  to  find  out.  I 
told  him  all  the  boys  wanted  him  to  run,  'cause 
he  was  a  good  feller,  and  not  afraid  of  the 
cars. 

The  president  laughed  and  said:  "Well, 
it's  this  way.  The  president  business  is  a 
good  deal  like  bear  hunting.  You  get  on  a 
fresh  track,  either  in  politics  or  bear  hunting, 
and  follow  the  game  with  dogs,  or  politicians, 
as  the  case  may  be.  The  trail  keeps  getting 
fresher  and  by  and  by  the  game  is  in  sight,  and 
the  dogs  are  nipping  its  hind  legs,  if  it  is  a 
bear,  or  chewing  big  words  if  it  is  an  opposing 
candidate,  and  nipping  him  in  exposed  places. 
You  ride  like  mad,  your  clothes  or  your  repu- 
tation torn  by  briars  if  it  is  a  bear,  or  by  oppo- 
sition newspapers  if  it  is  a  political  compaign, 
and  you  wish  it  was  over,  many  times,  and  are 
so  tired  you  wish  you  were  dead.  Finally 
your  bear  or  your  opponent  in  politics  is  treed 

213 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  the  dogs  are  trying  to  climb  the  tree,  and 
your  bear  or  your  political  opponent  is  up  on  a 
limb  snarling  and  showing  his  teeth  at  the 
dogs  or  the  politicians,  and  then  you  ride  up, 
look  the  ground  over,  wait  till  your  heart  stops 
beating  and  fire  the  shot  at  a  vital  part,  and 
your  bear  or  your  political  opponent  comes 
tumbling  to  the  ground.  When  he  ceases  to 
kick  you  put  your  foot  on  his  neck  and  feel 
sorry  you  killed  him,  but  you  go  to  work  and 
skin  him  and  hang  his  hide  on  the  fence.  Then 
you  have  got  to  ride  all  night  to  get  to  camp,  if 
it  is  a  bear,  and  work  harder  than  a  man  on  a 
treadmill  for  four  years,  if  it  is  a  presidential 
candidate  you  have  skun." 

I  had  sat  with  my  mouth  open  while  the 
president  talked,  and  never  said  a  word,  but 
when  he  quit  I  said:  "Yes,  but  suppose  when 
you  got  your  bear  skun,  another  bear  should 
come  after  you.  and  dare  you  to  knock  a  chip 
off  his  shoulder,  and  growl,  and  walk  sideways 
with  his  bristles  all  up,  would  you  run,  or 
would  you  stand  your  ground?" 

"We  better  change  the  subject,"  said  the 

president,  and  rose  from  the  table,  and  we  all 

got  up.    He  patted  me  on  the  head,  and  said: 

'Tell  your  pa  I  will  see  him  later,  and  in  the 

214 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

meantime,  you  run  your  circus  and  I  will  try 
to  run  mine." 

The  queerest  thing  happened  that  night. 
The  senator's  boy  spoke  of  our  trained  seals, 
that  catch  a  fish  if  you  throw  it  to  them  and 
swallow  it  whole.  He  said  it  would  be  fun  to 
take  a  little  alarm  clock  and  sew  it  up  in  a  fish, 
and  set  the  alarm  at  seven  o'clock  p.  m.,  when 
the  crowd  is  watching  the  seals  swallow  fish, 
and  throw  it  to  the  big  seal,  and  the  alarm 
would  go  off  inside  him. 

Well,  I  bit  like  a  bass,  and  said  we  would 
do  it,  so  he  took  a  little  alarm  clock,  and  set  it 
for  seven  o'clock.  We  got  it  into  a  fish,  and  I 
am  ashamed  to  tell  what  happened.  Gee,  but 
that  seal  grabbed  the  fish  with  a  clock  in  it, 
and  tried  to  swallow  it,  but  the  brass  ring 
caught  on  one  of  his  teeth,  and  he  was  trying  to 
get  it  loose  when  the  alarm  went  off,  and  the 
seal  jumped  out  of  the  tank  and  began  to 
prance  around  the  crowd,  scaring  the  women, 
and  making  all  the  animals  nervous.  He  stood 
on  his  head  and  bellowed,  and  all  the  circus 
hands  came  rushing  up.  Finally  the  alarm 
clock  quit  jingling,  and  they  caught  the  seal 
and  pulled  the  clock  off  his  tooth,  and  just  then 
pa  came  up  to  me  and  said:    "What  deviltry 

215 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

you  boys  up  to  now?  Suppose  that  seal  had 
swallowed  that  clock,  and  you  couldn't  wind 
it  up;  it  might  kill  him.  Now,  go  to  the  car, 
'cause  we  are  going  to  get  out  of  this  town 
right  off.  You  make  me  tired."  And  pa 
helped  to  lift  the  slippery  seal  into  the  tank, 
and  looked  mad  at  his  little  boy,  and  hurt  the 
feelings  of  the  senator's  boy. 


216 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

The  Show  Strikes  Virginia  and  the  Educated 
Ourang  Outang  Has  the  Whooping  Cough 
— The  Bad  Boy  Plays  the  Part  of  a  Monkey, 
but  They  Forget  to  Pin  on  a  Tail. 

Well,  I  have  broke  the  show  all  to  pieces, 
just  by  not  being  able  to  stand  grief.  Every- 
thing is  all  balled  up,  the  managers  are  sore  at 
me,  and  afraid  of  being  sent  to  jail,  and  pa 
thinks  I  ought  to  be  mauled. 

It  was  this  way:  When  we  left  Washing- 
ton we  cut  loose  from  every  home  tie,  and 
plunged  into  Virginia,  and  the  trouble  began 
at  once.  We  met  a  lawyer  on  the  train,  on  the 
way  to  Richmond,  and  fed  him  in  our  dining 
car,  and  got  him  acquainted  with  all  the  per- 
formers and  freaks,  and  he  told  us  that  we 
would  have  to  be  careful  in  Virginia,  'cause 
all  the  white  people  were  first  families  and 
aristocratic,  and  if  any  man  about  our  show 
should  fail  to  be  polite  to  the  white  people 
they  would  be  shot  or  lynched,  but  if  we 
wanted  to  shoot  niggers  the  game  laws  were 
not  very  strict  about  it,  'cause  the  open  season 

217 


PECK'S  Bad  BOY 

on  niggers  run  the  year  around,  but  you 
couldn't  shoot  white  people  only  two  months 
in  the  year.  He  said  another  thing  that  scared 
pa  and  the  managers.  He  said  that  if  a  travel- 
ing show  did  not  perform  all  it  advertised  the 
owners  were  liable  to  go  to  state  prison  for 
20  years,  and  that  each  town  had  men  on  the 
lookout  to  see  that  shows  didn't  advertise 
what  they  didn't  carry  out. 

Pa  and  the  managers  held  a  consultation, 
and  couldn't  find  that  we  advertised  anything 
that  we  didn't  have,  except  the  ourang  outang 
that  we  took  on  at  New  York,  which  eats  and 
dresses  like  a  man,  'cause  that  animal  got 
whooping  cough  in  Delaware  and  had  to  be 
sent  to  a  hospital,  but  we  heard  he  was  well 
again  and  would  join  the  show  in  a  week.  Pa 
asked  the  Richmond  lawyer  how  it  would  be 
if  one  of  the  animals  that  was  advertised  was 
sick  and  couldn't  perform,  and  he  told  pa  the 
people  would  mob  the  show  if  anything  was 
left  out. 

When  we  got  to  Richmond  the  whol^  popu- 
lation, principally  niggers,  was  at  the  lot  when 
we  put  up  the  tents,  and  everybody  wanted  to 
catch  a  sight  of  Dennis,  the  ourang  outang, 
and  the  posters  all  over  town  that  pictured 

218 


The  Keeper  Who  Trained  the  Ourangoutang  Took  Me  In  Hand. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Dennis  smoking  cigarettes  with  a  dress  suit 
on,  and  eating  with  a  knife  and  fork  and  a 
napkin  tucked  under  his  chin,  were  surround- 
ed by  crowds.  It  was  plain  that  all  the  people 
cared  for  was  to  see  the  monk. 

The  managers  held  a  council  of  war  and  de- 
cided the  show  would  be  ruined  if  we  didn't 
make  a  bluff  at  having  an  ourang  outang,  so 
it  was  decided  that  I  was  to  be  dressed  up  in 
Dennis'  clothes,  and  put  on  a  monkey  mask, 
and  go  through  his  stunt  at  the  afternoon  per- 
formance. 

Gee,  but  I  hated  to  do  it,  but  pa  said  the 
fate  of  the  show  depended  on  it  and  if  I  didn't 
take  the  part  he  would  have  to  do  it  himself, 
and  I  knew  pa  wasn't  the  build  of  man  to  play 
the  monkey,  and  so  I  said  I  would  do  it,  but  I 
will  never  do  it  again  for  any  show.  The 
wardrobe  woman  fixed  my  up  like  Dennis, 
and  I  had  seen  him  go  through  his  stunt  so 
often  I  thought  I  could  imitate  him,  and  of 
course  there  was  no  talking  to  do,  but  just  to 
grunt  once  in  awhile,  the  way  Dennis  did,  and 
have  an  animal  look. 

Well,  sir,  the  keeper  who  trained  the  ourang 
outang  took  me  in  hand,  and  in  an  hour  I  was 
perfect.     I  had  rubber  feet  and  wore  black 

220 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

gloves,  and  had  a  tail  fastened  with  a  safety 
pin,  that  would  deceive  the  oldest  showman  in 
the  business.  When  the  crowd  was  the  big- 
gest, in  the  middle  ring,  the  keeper  led  me  out 
of  the  dressing  room  with  a  chain.  The  an- 
nouncement was  made  by  the  barker  that  Den- 
nis, the  educated  ourang  outang,  that  had 
performed  before  crowned  heads  in  Europe 
and  sapheads  in  Newport,  the  only  man- 
monkey  in  the  known  world,  would  now  enter- 
tain the  most  select  audience  that  had  ever 
been  u^der  the  tent.  Then  I  was  dragged  into 
the  ring  and  put  on  the  platform. 

They  didn't  put  on  my  dress  clothes  at  first, 
but  had  a  little  screen  on  the  platform  for  me 
to  go  behind  to  dress,  and  I  appeared  first  in 
the  natural  state  of  the  ourang  outang,  with 
a  suit  of  buffalo  robe  stuff  that  looked  exactly 
like  a  big  monkey.  I  bowed  and  the  audience 
cheered,  and  I  stood  on  my  hands  and 
scratched  at  an  imaginary  flea,  and  pa,  who 
was  leaning  against  the  platform,  whispered 
to  me  that  I  was  making  the  hit  of  the  season. 

Then  the  attendants  set  the  table  and  the 
keeper  took  me  behind  the  screen  and  dressed 
me,  and  the  old  fool  forgot  to  put  on  my  tail. 
He  led  me  out  and  I  sat  up  to  the  table,  hitched 

221 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

up  my  cuffs,  put  a  napkin  under  my  chin,  took 
a  knife  and  fork  and  began  to  eat,  just  like  a 
human  being.  The  audience  cheered,  and  the 
circus  people  crowded  around  and  said  I  was 
just  as  good  as  Dennis  himself.  I  went 
through  the  whole  of  Dennis'  performance  and 
never  skipped  a  note,  until  a  smart  white  man 
yelled:  "Where  is  the  tail  of  your  ourang 
outang?"  and  the  crowd  began  to  be  suspi- 
cious, and  more  than  a  thousand  yelled.  "'There 
is  no  tail  on  your  monkey." 

That  rattled  the  trainer  and  he  remembered 
that  he  had  forgotten  to  pin  the  tail  on  me,  so 
while  I  was  using  the  finger  bowl  he  went  to 
the  screen  and  got  the  tail  and  came  out  and 
was  pinning  it  on  to  my  dress  pants,  when 
the  audience  began  to  yell:  "Fraud!  Fraud! 
Kill  the  monk !"  and  a  lot  of  stuff. 

Then  pa  got  on  a  barrel  the  elephants  had 
been  performing  on  and  got  tlie  attention  of 
the  audience  and  told  them  not  to  be  unrea- 
sonable. Pie  said  the  management  had  found 
by  experience  that  after  the  ourang  outang 
had  been  trained  to  eat  like  a  man  and  wear 
men's  clothes,  that  his  tail  was  in  the  way,  so 
at  a  great  expense  the  management  had  caused 
Dennis'  tail  to  be  amputated  at  a  New  York 

222 


Me  HK  Me  Right  in  the  Ey*. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

hospital,  and  while  we  always  carry  the  tail 
along,  it  was  only  used  when  a  critical  audi- 
ence demanded  it,  but  if  this  refined  audience 
so  desired  the  tail  would  be  attached  to  the  in- 
telligent animal. 

The  crowd  yelled:  'Tin  on  the  tail;  the  tail 
goes  with  the  hide,"  and  the  trainer  began  to 
pin  it  on.  Say,  I  could  have  killed  that  trainer. 
He  run  that  safety  pin  about  an  inch  into  my 
spine,  and  I  jumped  into  the  air  about  four 
feet,  and  I  was  going  to  use  a  cuss  word  that 
I  learned  in  Philadelphia,  but  I  had  presence 
of  mind  enough  to  grunt  just  as  Dennis  used 
to,  and  chatter  like  a  monkey,  and  the  day  was 
saved.  The  tail  was  on  and  I  turned  my  back 
to  show  that  it  was  on  straight,  like  a  woman's 
hat,  when  pa  said  to  hurry  the  performance  to 
a  conclusion,  because  he  could  see  that  there 
was  a  spirit  of  unrest  in  the  audience,  and  he 
would  not  be  surprised  any  moment  to  see  Vir- 
ginia secede  and  go  out  of  the  union. 

There  was  nothing  more  for  me  to  do  except 
to  drink  my  cup  of  after-dinner  coffee,  and 
smoke  my  cigarette,  and  quit,  and  I  was  pat- 
ting myself  on  the  back  at  my  success  and 
squirming  around  in  the  chair,  'cause  the  pin 
in  my  tail  hurt  my  back   but  I  never  said  a 

224 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

word.  The  attendant  brought  in  the  coffee 
and  I  took  a  couple  of  swallows,  when  I  real- 
ized that  somebody  had  put  cayenne  pepper 
into  it,  and  I  was  hot  under  the  collar,  but 
though  I  was  burning  up  inside,  I  never 
peeped,  but  just  choked  and  took  a  swallow 
of  water  and  vowed  to  kill  the  person  that 
made  the  coffee. 

I  kept  my  temper  till  the  trainer  handed  me 
the  cigarette  and  a  match,  and  the  first  puff 
I  realized  that  they  had  rilled  the  cigarette 
with  snuff,  and  after  blowing  out  the  smoke  I 
began  to  sneeze,  and  the  audience  fairly  went 
wild.  I  sneezed  about  eight  times,  and  at 
every  sneeze  the  pin  in  my  spine  hurt  like 
thunder,  but  I  never  lost  my  temper,  till  about 
the  seventh  sneeze,  when  my  monkey  mask 
flew  off,  and  then  a  boy  about  my  size,  right 
in  front  of  me,  yelled:  "It  ain't  a  monkey  at 
all,  it  is  a  little  nigger,"  and  he  threw  a  ripe 
persimmon  and  hit  me  right  in  the  eye.  I  said 
right  out  in  plain  English:  "You're  a  liar  and 
I  can  knock  the  stuffing  out  of  you." 

I  pulled  off  my  dress  coat  and  started  for 
him,  but  pa  grabbed  me  on  one  side  and  the 
monkey  trainer  on  the  other,  and  they  tried 
to  get  me  to  return  to  the  monkey  character, 

225 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  chatter,  and  pa  put  my  monkey  mask  on 
me,  but  I  struck  right  there,  and  pulled  it  off, 
and  told  him  and  the  managers  that  I  would 
not  play  monkey  any  more  with  a  tail  pinned 
to  my  spine,  my  stomach  full  of  cayenne  pep- 
per and  my  nostrils  full  of  Scotch  snuff,  and 
my  face  all  puckered  up  with  persimmons. 

The  crowd  yelled:  "Fraud!  Fraud!  Kill 
the  bald-headed  old  man  who  is  the  father  of 
the  monkey,"  and  they  were  making  a  rush  to 
clean  out  the  show  when  the  dressing-room 
door  opened  to  let  the  hippodrome  chariot 
racers  out,  and  the  way  the  chariots  scattered 
the  crowd  was  a  caution. 

That  saved  us  from  serious  trouble,  for  the 
chariots  rim  over  a  lot  of  negroes,  which 
pleased  the  audience,  and  they  let  us  off  with- 
out killing  us.  They  got  me  back  to  the  dress- 
ingroom  and  had  to  take  a  pair  of  pinchers  to 
get  that  safety  pin  out  of  my  spine,  and  on  the 
way  to  the  dressing-room  some  one  walked  on 
my  monkey  tail  and  pulled  it  off,  and  that  was 
a  dead  loss.  Pa  sat  by  me  and  fanned  me,  'cause 
I  was  faint,  and  then  he  said:  "My  boy,  you 
played  your  part  well,  until  the  persimmon  hit 
you,  and  then  you  forgot  that  you  were  an 
actor,  and  became  yourself,  and  I  don't  blame 

226 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

you  for  wanting  to  punch  that  boy  who  called 
you  a  little  nigger,  and  said  I  was  your  pa. 
After  this  chariot  race  is  over  we  will  go 
around  in  front  of  the  seats,  and  find  the  boy, 
and  you  can  do  him  up.  Your  monkey  busi- 
ness was  the  feature  of  the  show  to-day." 

We  went  out  and  found  a  boy  that  looked 
like  the  one  that  sassed  me,  but  he  must  have 
been  his  big  brother,  'cause  when  I  went  up  to 
him  and  swatted  him  on  the  nose,  he  gave  me 
a  black  eye,  and  I  am  a  sight. 

That  evening,  at  the  performance,  we  cut 
out  the  educated  ourang  outang,  and  the  law- 
yer we  met  on  the  cars  came  to  the  show,  and 
said  we  would  all  be  arrested  for  not  perform- 
ing all  we  advertised,  but  he  could  settle  it  for 
a  hundred  dollars,  and  pa  paid  him  the  money, 
and  he  went  out  and  got  a  jag  and  came  in  the 
show  and  was  going  to  make  trouble,  when  pa 
took  him  to  the  cage  where  the  40-foot  boa  con- 
strictor was  uncoiling  itself,  and  the  Virginian 
got  one  look  at  the  snake  and  went  through 
the  side  of  the  tent  yelling:  "I've  got  'em 
again.    Catch  me,  somebody." 

We  got  out  of  town  before  morning,  and 
nobody  was  arrested,  except  the  negroes  that 
got  run  over  in  the  chariot  race. 

227 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Circus  People  Visit  a  Southern  Planta- 
tion— Pa,  the  Giant  and  the  Fat  Woman 
Are  Chased  by  Bloodhounds — The  Bad 
Boy  "Runs  the  Gauntlet." 

Gee,  but  pa  is  sore  at  me.  He  has  been  dis- 
gusted with  me  before,  but  he  never  had  it  in 
for  me  so  serious  as  he  has  now.  I  guess  the 
whole  show  would  breathe  easier  if  I  should 
fall  off  the  train  some  dark  night,  when  it  was 
stormy,  and  we  were  crossing  a  high  bridge 
over  a  stream  that  was  out  of  its  banks  on  ac- 
count of  a  freshet. 

It  was  all  on  account  of  our  taking  an  after- 
noon off  on  a  Sunday  at  Richmond.  An  old 
planter  that  used  to  be  in  the  circus  business 
before  the  war  thought  it  would  bring  back 
old  recollections  to  him  and  give  us  a  taste  of 
country  life  in  the  south  if  he  invited  all  of  us, 
performers,  managers,  freaks,  and  everything, 
to  spend  the  day  on  his  plantation,  and  go  nut- 
ting for  chestnuts  and  hickory  nuts,  pick 
apples  and  run  them  through  a  cider  mill  and 
drink  self-made  cider,  and  have  a  good  time. 

228 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

We  all  appreciated  the  invitation,  and  after 
breakfast  we  rode  out  in  the  country  to  his 
plantation  in  carriages  and  express  wagons 
and  began  to  do  the  plantation.  The  fat  lady 
and  the  midgets  rode  out  together  in  a  load 
of  cotton,  and  when  they  got  to  the  house  they 
had  to  be  picked  like  ducks,  and  they  looked 
as  though  they  had  been  tarred  and  feathered. 

The  planter  gave  us  a  fine  luncheon  of  fried 
chicken  and  corn  pone,  and  cider,  and  pa  acted 
as  the  boss  of  the  circus  folks,  while  the  planter 
and  his  family,  with  about  ioo  negroes,  passed 
things  around.  They  all  seemed  to  be  inter- 
ested in  seeing  how  much  stuff  the  giant  and 
the  fat  lady  could  hold  without  putting  up 
sideboards  to  keep  the  food  from  falling  off. 
If  pa  hadn't  told  the  negroes  not  to  feed  the 
fat  lady  and  the  giant  any  more,  there  would 
have  been  two  circus  funerals  next  day. 

I  got  acquainted  with  a  boy  that  was  the 
planter's  son,  and  while  the  rest  were  eating 
and  drinking  the  boy  showed  me  a  pack  of 
hounds  that  are  kept  for  trailing  criminals  and 
negroes  who  have  looked  sassy  at  white 
women.  The  trouble  with  negroes  is  that  they 
all  look  alike,  and  if  one  commits  a  crime  they 
can  prove  an  alibi,  'cause  every  last  negro  will 

229 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

swear  that  at  the  time  the  crime  was  commit- 
ted the  suspected  man  was  attending  a  prayer 
meeting,  so  they  have  to  have  hounds  that  can 
be  taken  to  the  place  where  the  crime  was  com- 
mitted, and  they  find  the  negro's  track,  and 
they  follow  it  till  they  tree  him.  The  hounds 
do  not  bite  the  negro,  like  we  used  to  hear 
about,  but  they  just  follow  him  till  he  is  treed, 
and  then  they  bark,  as  much  as  to  say:  "Ah, 
there,  Mr.  Nigger,  you  just  stay  where  you 
are  till  the  sheriff  comes  to  fetch  you,"  and 
Mr.  Negro  just  turns  pale  and  stays  on  a  limb 
till  the  sheriff  comes  with  his  lynching  tools. 
When  the  sheriff  pulls  a  gun  the  negro  con- 
fesses right  there,  and  the  deputy  sheriff 
brings  the  rope. 

I  asked  the  boy  if  the  hounds  would  trail  a 
white  man  without  hurting  him,  and  he  said  if 
you  put  anise  seed  on  their  shoes  the  hounds 
will  trail  'em  all  right,  so  we  put  up  a  job  to 
have  some  fun.  The  boy  gave  me  some  anise 
seed,  and  told  me  to  put  it  on  the  shoes  of  any- 
body I  wanted  trailed,  and  after  they  got  out 
in  the  woods  he  would  put  the  hounds  on  the 
trail,  and  the  people  would  have  to  get  up 
trees,  or  have  their  pants  chewed,  but  the  dogs 
would  not  hurt  anybody. 

230 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Well,  it  made  me  laugh  to  think  about  it. 
I  went  to  pa  and  told  him  his  shoes  were  all 
covered  with  red  Virginia  dust,  and  I  took  my 
handkerchief  and  dusted  them  off,  and  made 
him  hold  up  his  foot  like  a  horse  that  is  being 
shod.  Then  I  put  a  handful  of  anise  seed 
around  the  sole,  and  in  his  shoes.  He  said  it 
was  mighty  kind  in  me  to  do  it.  Then  I  went 
to  the  giant,  and  brushed  the  dust  off  his 
shoes,  and  put  two  handfuls  of  anise  seed  in 
them,  and  he  said  I  was  a  nice  boy.  I  told  the 
fat  woman  about  the  dust  on  her  telescope 
valises,  and  I  rubbed  it  off,  and  gave  her  feet 
a  dose  of  anise  seed  that  ought  to  have  para- 
lyzed a  pack  of  hounds.  She  wanted  to  hug  me 
and  let  me  kiss  her,  but  I  said  I  passed,  and 
she  said  she  would  do  as  much  for  me  some 
time. 

About  this  time  the  planter  took  the  lead, 
and  they  all  went  across  a  pasture  into  the 
woods,  and  began  knocking  nuts  off  the  trees. 
All  through  the  woods  there  were  signs:  "No 
Tresspassing,"  and  "Beware  of  the  Dogs,"  but 
the  planter  said  to  never  mind  the  signs.  I 
told  the  boy  to  let  the  dogs  loose  on  the  trail 
in  about  half  an  hour,  and  I  went  along  with 
the  folks,  and  I  told  pa  I  had  seen  a  pack  of 

231 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

bloodhounds  that  would  eat  people  alive,  and 
if  he  heard  hounds  barking  to  run  like  a  white- 
head and  climb  a  tree.  I  got  with  the  giant, 
who  is  a  coward  in  his  own  right,  and  told  him 
the  only  trouble  about  these  great  plantations 
in  the  south  was  the  wild  dogs  that  inhabited 
the  mountains,  that  would  not  hesitate  to  at- 
tack a  man  if  they  got  good  and  hungry,  but 
there  was  no  danger  to  him,  because  he  was  a 
good  sprinter,  and  could  outrun  a  jack  rabbit. 
The  giant  wanted  to  go  back  to  the  house, 
'cause  he  said  he  didn't  want  to  run  no  foot 
race  with  hounds,  and  he  had  seen  the  sign  to 
beware  of  the  dogs.  I  never  ought  to  have 
done  it,  'cause  the  fat  woman  looks  as  though 
she  was  built  a  purpose  for  apoplexy,  but  I 
told  her  as  a  friend,  not  to  load  herself  down 
with  nuts,  but  to  travel  light,  so  if  the  wild 
dogs  came  down  to  raid  the  plantation  she 
could  crawl  in  a  hole  out  of  sight  till  the  dogs 
had  eaten  some  of  the  men.  She  came  near 
fainting  right  there,  before  the  dogs  got  busy. 
There  were  about  20  negroes  throwing  clubs 
at  the  nuts,  and  everybody  was  having  a  big 
time.  The  trapeze  performers  were  squirrel- 
ing up  among  the  limbs,  when  suddenly,  in  the 
distance    came  the  bay  of  the  pack  of  blood- 

232 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

hounds,  and  every  negro  turned  pale,  and  got 
ready  to  climb  a  tree.  The  planter  stopped  to 
listen,  and  when  one  of  the  managers  of  the 
show  asked  him  what  was  the  matter,  he  said: 
"You  can  search  me,  sah.  If  that  is  my  pack 
of  hounds  a  crime  has  been  committed,  and  the 
sheriff  has  started  the  pack  on  the  trail  of  the 
criminal,  sah,  because  the  dogs  are  never 
turned  loose,  except  for  business." 

Then  the  planter  yelled  to  the  niggers,  and 
said:  "If  any  of  youall  are  guilty  of  crime, 
you  best  get  scarce,  or  pick  out  your  tree,  and 
get  up  it  mighty  sudden,  'cause  the  hounds 
haven't  been  fed  lately."  Every  colored  man 
picked  a  tree,  and  the  hounds  kept  coming, 
finally  showing  up  jumping  the  fence,  and  en- 
tering the  woods,  and  the  planter  cut  a  club 
to  beat  off  the  dogs.  Pa  looked  as  innocent  as 
John  Wana maker's  picture  addressing  a  Sun- 
day school,  the  giant  saw  the  dogs  and  started 
for  a  tall  tree,  and  the  fat  lady  said  she  couldn't 
find  any  hole  big  enough  to  hide  in,  and  "the 
idea,"  if  there  were  not  men  enough  to  protect 
a  lady. 

Well,  I  never  expected  to  see  anything  so 
fine  as  the  way  those  hounds  run  with  their 
noses  to  the  ground,  scattered  in  three  packs, 

^33 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

one  pack  on  the  trail  of  each  of  the  three  whose 
shoes  I  had  doctored.  When  they  got  near  us 
they  broke  up  and  went  around  everywhere 
that  pa  and  the  giant  and  the  fat  lady  had 
walked,  and  fell  over  each  other,  but  finally  one 
pack  went  to  the  tall  tree  where  the  giant  had 
climbed  to  the  first  limb,  and  stood  on  their 
hind  legs  and  barked  a  salute  to  him.  He  trem- 
bled so  I  was  afraid  he  would  fall  off,  but  he 
wound  his  arms  and  legs  around  the  tree,  and 
began  to  cry.  The  planter  told  him  whatever 
crime  he  had  committed  it  was  all  up  with 
him. 

The  part  of  the  pack  that  was  on  pa's  trail 
began  to  close  in  on  pa,  and  I  said:  "Pa,  if 
you  don't  want  to  be  dog  meat,  it  is  up  to  you 
to  climb,  and  you  better  get  a  move  on,  or  I 
shall  be  an  orphan  mighty  quick,  'cause  the 
dogs  are  starving."  Pa  made  a  couple  of  quick 
jumps,  and  grabbed  a  limb  of  a  hickory  tree, 
and  was  pulling  himself  up  and  repeating; 
prayers,  when  the  leading  dog  reached  up  his 
nose  and  smelled  pa's  shoes,  when  the  intelli- 
gent animal  gave  a  bark  and  a  yell  to  the  other 
dogs,  as  much  as  to  say:  "That's  the  identical 
cuss.     Eat  him  alive." 

He  grabbed  about  a  double  handful  of  the 

234 


"Here,  Mr.  Confederate,   I  Am   Not  a   Union   Prisoner." 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

cloth  of  pa's  clothes  right  below  where  his  sus- 
penders button  on  and  held  on,  and  shook  p? 
real  hard,  but  the  cloth  was  tough  and  didn't 
tear.  Pa  suddetf  /  seemed  to  be  endowed  with 
superhuman  stre..  jth,  for  he  drew  himself  up 
on  the  limb  and  raised  the  dog  from  the 
ground,  and  all  the  pack  came  arond  the  tree 
and  set  up  a  howl  that  scared  pa  so  the  perspi- 
ration rolled  off  him,  and  he  had  a  chill  so  he 
shook  like  the  ague. 

Pa  yelled  to  the  planter,  who  was  holding  up 
the  fat  lady  and  said:  "Here,  Mr.  Confeder- 
ate, I  am  not  a  union  prisoner,  and  I  want  you 
to  unlock  your  dog's  jaws,  and  free  me,  'cause 
I  can't  hold  up  a  90-pound  dog  by  my  suspen- 
ders much  longer.  If  this  is  southern  hospital- 
ity, I  don't  want  to  be  entertained  no  more." 
The  planter  leaned  the  fat  lady  against  a  tree, 
and  took  the  dog  by  the  hind  legs  and  pulled 
him  off. 

The  planter  yelled  to  the  negroes  to  come 
down  and  help  handle  the  dogs,  but  just  then 
the  boy  who  started  the  dogs  on  the  trail,  at 
my  request,  came  up  whistling,  with  a  dog 
whip  in  his  hand,  and  all  the  dogs  surrounded 
him,  and  he  made  them  lay  down  and  roll  over. 
All  of  the  scared  people  came  down  from  their 

236 


I  Yelled  Murder  and   Ran   Between  the  GJant'p  Legs- 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

perches  in  the  trees,  and  surrounded  the  boy 
and  the  dogs,  and  the  dogs  panted  and  lolled, 
as  though  they  had  been  having  a  nice  run  for 
their  money.  The  old  planter  asked  his  boy 
how  the  dogs  had  happened  to  get  loose,  and 
that  fool  boy  told  the  whole  thing,  how  I  had 
asked  him  to  let  the  pack  run,  and  how  I  had 
put  anise  seed  in  the  shoes  of  pa,  the  giant  and 
the  fat  lady.  Then  you  ought  to  have  seen 
what  they  did  to  me.  The  planter  said  they 
usually  had  a  lynching  when  the  dogs  made  a 
run,  but  that  was  impossible  in  this  case,  so  he 
suggested  that  they  make  me  run  the  gaunt- 
let. I  didn't  know  what  running  the  gauntlet 
was,  but  after  pa  had  told  me  he  should  disown 
me  from  that  moment,  I  said  I  was  willing  to 
run  any  gauntlet,  so  they  all  cut  switches  and 
formed  in  two  lines,  and  let  me  run  down  be 
tween  them.  I  thought  it  would  be  fun,  but 
when  I  started  and  every  last  man  gave  me  a 
cut  across  the  end  of  my  back  with  a  hickory 
switch,  I  yelled  murder,  and  run  between  the 
giant's  legs  and  tackled  him  like  football.  I 
toppled  him  over  against  the  next  man,  and 
that  man  hit  the  giant  in  the  stomach,  and 
everybody  began  to  fight,  and  the  festivities 
broke  up. 

238 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

I  went  to  the  house  with  the  boy  and  the 
dogs,  and  we  set  the  dogs  on  a  mess  of  cats, 
and  treed  everything  alive  on  the  plantation. 
Finally  the  whole  crowd  came  back  to  the 
house  and  had  another  lunch,  with  mint  julep 
and  champagne,  and  then  everybody  was  hug- 
ging some  one,  and  crying  on  each  other's 
neck,  and  swearing  that  the  war  was  over,  and 
that  the  north  and  the  south  were  one  and  in- 
separable, and  the  two  together  could  whip 
the  whole  world. 

Pa  somehow  saw  double.  I  was  standing 
alone,  smarting  from  the  switching  I  got,  when 
pa  came  up  to  me  and  said:  "I  want  you  two 
boys  to  understand  that  I  don't  want  any  more 
experiments  played  on  me.  I  can  take  a  joke 
as  well  as  anybody,  but  when  you  set  a  hun- 
dred dogs  on  my  trail,  I  am  no  gentlemen,  see? 
Now  we  will  go  back  to  the  show." 


239 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  XX. 

The  Bad  Boy  Goes  After  a  Mess  of  White 
Turnips  for  the  Menagerie— He  Feeds  the 
Animals  Horseradish,  but  Gets  the  Worst 
of  the  Deal. 

You  can  learn  something  new  and  interest- 
ing every  day  in  a  circus,  and  a  boy,  particu- 
larly, can  store  his  mind  with  useful  knowl- 
edge, that  will  be  valuable  to  him  in  after 
years. 

Gee,  but  I  have  learned  some  things  that  I 
could  never  have  learned  in  college,  'cause  at 
college  you  only  learn  things  that  have  to  be 
verified  by  actual  experience  in  business.  Pa 
says  one  year  in  the  circus  will  be  better  for 
me  than  ten  years  in  a  reform  school.  But  I 
learned  something  yesterday  that  made  such 
an  impression  on  me  that  I  will  not  be  able  to 
sit  down  comfortably  before  the  season  is  over. 

You  see,  it  was  this  way.  Once  a  week  it  is 
the  custom  to  feed  all  the  animals  that  are 
vegetarians  a  mess  of  ground  white  turnips, 
'cause  it  opens  up  the  pores,  and  makes  the 
animals  feel  good,  like  a  politician  who  goes 

240 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

to  French  Lick  springs,  and  has  the  whisky 
boiled  out  of  him.  After  the  animals  have 
eaten  the  turnip  mush,  they  become  agreeable, 
and  will  rub  against  the  keepers,  and  eat  out 
of  your  hand. 

I  had  been  with  pa  a  dozen  times  to  find  a 
place  where  we  could  get  a  few  barrels  of  tur- 
nips ground  up  fine,  and  so  yesterday,  when 
the  boss  animal  keeper  was  sick,  and  turned 
his  job  over  to  pa,  pa  told  me  to  go  out  in  town, 
at  Lynchburg,  Va.,  and  get  a  couple  of  wash- 
tubs  full  of  ground  turnips,  and  have  the  stuff 
sent  in  to  the  menagerie  tent  in  time  for  the 
afternoon  performance.  I  got  a  boy  to  go 
with  me.  We  hunted  all  the  groceries  and 
couldn't  find  turnips  enough  to  make  a  first 
payment,  but  we  found  a  place  where  they 
grate  horseradish  and  bottle  it  for  the  market, 
and  I  ordered  two  washtubs  full  of  horserad- 
ish grated  nicely,  and  sent  to  the  tent,  but  I 
made  the  man  bill  it  as  ground  turnips. 

The  boy  and  I  played  all  the  forenoon,  and 
when  the  man  started  with  the  ground  horse- 
radish for  the  tent,  we  went  along,  and  I  intro- 
duced the  man  to  pa,  and  pa  O.  K.'d  the  bill, 
and  sent  him  to  the  treasurer  after  the  money. 
I  was  going  to  get  on  a  back  seat  and  watch 

241 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  animals  eat,  but  pa  said:  "Here,  you  boys, 
get  out  those  pans  and  portion  out  the  turnips 
and  pass  'em  around  just  as  the  crowd  comes 
in,  'cause  after  the  animals  have  had  a  mess  of 
cut  feed  they  are  better  natured,  and  show  off 
better." 

I  was  pretty  leary  about  feeding  the  ani- 
mals horseradish,  and  would  have  preferred 
to  have  some  one  else  do  it,  who  did  not  care 
to  live  any  longer,  but  I  said:  "Yes,  sir,"  just 
like  that,  and  touched  my  hat  to  pa,  and  he 
said  to  the  boss  canvasman:  "There's  a  boy 
you  can  swear  by." 

The  boss  canvasman  said:  "You  are  right, 
old  man,  but  if  he  was  mine,  I  would  kill  him 
so  quick  it  would  make  your  head  swim,"  and 
he  and  pa  went  off  laughing,  but  I  think  they 
laughed  too  soon. 

Well,  we  took  a  spud  and  put  about  a  quart 
of  horseradish  in  each  pan,  and  put  the  pans  in 
front  of  each  animal,  and  you  ought  to  have 
seen  them  rush  for  the  supposed  turnips,  like 
a  drove  of  cattle  after  salt. 

The  boy  and  I  got  up  on  the  platform  with 
the  freaks,  to  be  in  a  safe  place,  and  watch  the 
animals,  and  see  how  they  digested  their  food. 
The  first  animal  to  open  up  the  chorus,  was  the 

242 


The  Camel  Kicked  an  Arab  Off  a  Rug, 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

hippopotamus,  'cause  we  gave  him  about  four 
quarts  of  horseradish  on  account  of  his  mouth, 
and  he  swallowed  it  at  one  mouthful.  First  he 
looked  as  though  he  felt  hurt,  and  stopped 
chewing,  and  seemed  to  be  thinking,  like  a 
horse  that  wakes  up  in  the  night  with  colic,  and 
raises  the  whole  family  to  sit  up  with  him  all 
night  and  pour  things  down  his  neck  out  of  a 
long-neck  bottle.  The  hippo  held  his  breath 
for  about  a  minute,  and  then  he  opened  his 
mouth  so  you  could  drive  a  wagon  in,  and  gave 
the  grand  hailing  sign  of  distress,  and  said: 
"Wow,  wow,  wow,"  as  plain  as  a  man  could. 
Then  he  rolled  over  into  his  tank  and  yelled 
"murder,"  and  wallowed  around,  and  stood  on 
his  head,  till  one  of  the  keepers  went  in  the 
cage  to  try  to  soothe  him.  He  chased  the 
keeper  out,  and  the  crowd  that  had  just  begun 
to  come  in  fell  back  in  terror. 

There  was  quite  a  crowd  around  the  camels 
watching  them  peacefully  chew  their  cuds,  as 
they  do  at  evening  on  the  dessert,  and  the 
Arabs  who  had  charge  of  the  camels  were 
standing  around,  posing  as  though  they  were 
the  whole  thing,  when  the  old  black,  double- 
hump  camel  got  his  quart  of  horseradish  down 
into  one  of  his  stomachs,  as  he  was  kneeling 

244 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

down  on  all  fours.  He  yelled :  "O,  mamma," 
and  got  up  on  all  his  feet,  and  kicked  an  Arab 
off  a  prayer  rug,  and  bellowed  and  groaned. 
Then  the  rest  of  the  herd  of  camels  seemed  to 
have  swallowed  their  dose,  and  they  made 
Rome  howl.  This  scared  the  people  over  to 
where  the  sacred  cattle  were  trying  to  set  a 
pious  example  to  the  rest  of  the  animals  by 
their  meek  and  lowlv  conduct. 

The  sacred  cow  got  her  horseradish  first, 
and  I  could  see  she  was  trying  to  hold  it  with- 
out giving  the  snap  away,  till  her  husband,  the 
bull,  got  his.  Well,  it  was  pitiful,  and  I  made 
up  my  mind  I  would  never  play  a  joke  on  the 
sacred  cattle  again,  'cause  it  seems  like  sacri- 
lege. The  bull  finally  got  his  horseradish 
down,  and  he  was  the  most  astonished  animal 
I  ever  saw.  He  swelled  up,  and  then  bellowed 
until  the  cow  looked  as  though  she  would  sink 
through  the  ground,  saying:-  "Excuse  me, 
dear,  but  I  am  not  to  blame,  because  I,  too, 
have  a  hot  box."  The  bull  acted  just  as  hu- 
man as  could  be,  'cause  he  looked  mad  at  her, 
and  was  going  to  gore  her  to  death,  when  pa 
and  some  of  the  hands  came  up  and  hit  him 
with  a  tent  stake,  and  swore  at  him,  and  he 
quit  fighting  his  wife,  just  like  a  man.     Pa 

"45 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

wanted  to  know  what  in  thunder  was  the  mat' 
ter  with  the  animals,  and  wanted  to  know  if  I 
had  fed  them  the  turnips,  and  I  told  him  they 
had  all  been  fed,  and  just  then  the  giraffe,whose 
neck  was  so  long  the  horseradish  did  not  reach 
a  vital  spot  as  quick  as  it  did  with  the  hippo, 
began  to  yell  for  the  police  and  dance  around. 
Finally  he  stood  on  his  head  and  neck,  with 
his  heels  against  a  cage,  and  coughed  like  he 
had  caught  pneumonia.  Pa  said  to  the  boss 
canvasman:  ''Well,  what  do  you  think  of 
that?" 

The  zebras  had  their  inning  next,  and  after 
they  had  swallowed  their  rations  of  horse- 
radish, they  never  said  a  word,  but  began  to 
run  around  like  dancing  the  lancers,  and  when 
they  got  to  going  it  looked  like  a  kaleidoscope, 
and  the  six  zebras  looked  like  a  million.  Pa 
said:  "I  never  saw  such  a  sight  since  I  used 
to  drink,  but  I  have  either  got  the  jim-jams, 
or  something  awful  has  happened  to  this 
menagerie/' 

The  educated  hog  got  a  double  dose,  and 
he  squealed  and  couldn't  pick  out  the  right 
card,  and  then  the  llamas  got  busy  on  their 
portion  of  horseradish,  and  they  cried  in  Span- 
ish, and  stood  on  their  hind  legs  and  shed  tears. 

246 


Pa  Tasted  of  It 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Pa  got  so  rattled  he  looked  ten  years  older 
than  he  did  when  the  afternoon  performance 
opened.  The  manager  of  the  big  show  came 
in  to  know  why  the  elephants  had  not  been 
sent  into  the  dressing-room,  to  be  got  ready 
for  the  grand  entree.  Just  then  the  elephants 
began  to  eat  their  horseradish,  and  when  they 
were  driven  into  the  big  tent  they  were  com- 
plaining about  something  being  wrong  inside 
of  them,  and  as  they  came  by  the  lemonade 
stand  they  seemed  to  be  yelling  "Fire!"  Then 
they  all  stopped  at  the  stand  and  began  to 
drink  the  lemonade  out  of  the  barrels,  which 
seemed  to  put  out  the  fire. 

The  animals  quieted  down  a  little,  and  pa 
went  into  the  big  tent  to  consult  the  manager, 
and  I  thought  it  was  a  shame  that  the  lions 
and  hyenas  and  tigers  couldn't  have  any  fun, 
so  I  went  to  the  table  where  the  meat  was  laid 
out  ready  to  feed  them,  and  cut  a  hole  in  each 
piece  of  meat  and  put  in  a  double  handful  of 
horseradish,  and  just  then  the  feeder  came 
along  and  began  to  throw  the  meat  in  the 
cages.  Gee,  but  those  carnivorous  animals  are 
bad  enough  even  if  you  give  them  nice  boiled 
sirloin  steak,  and  they  fight  enough  over  it,  at 
any  time,  but  when  they  began  to  chew  and 

248 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

tear  the  meat,  and  get  horseradish  hot  from 
the  griddle,  they  didn't  do  a  thing.  The  audi- 
ence thought  the  animals  would  kill  every- 
body. The  big  lion  got  his  meat  down,  but  it 
didn't  set  well,  and  he  turned  a  somersault, 
and  snarled,  and  pulled  the  bars  of  the  cage, 
while  the  grizzly  bear  rolled  up  in  a  ball  and 
rolled  over  in  his  cage  till  the  men  had  to  hold 
on  to  the  wheels  to  keep  the  shebang  from 
going  over.  The  hyenas,  who  are  always  mad, 
went  on  a  tear  that  could  be  heard  in  all  the 
tents. 

Pa  and  the  managers  came  back  into  the 
menagerie  tent  with  the  animal  keeper,  who 
had  been  sent  for,  and  they  began  to  try  to  find 
out  what  ailed  the  animals,  and  the  animal 
keeper  asked  what  pa  had  been  feeding  them, 
and  pa  said  he  had  given  them  their  ground 
turnips. 

'Turnips,  indeed,"  said  the  keeper,  as  he 
took  up  some  of  the  turnip  and  tasted  of  it,  and 
he  handed  a  handful  to  pa.  Pa  tasted  it,  and  pa 
had  a  hot  box,  and  the  managers  tasted  of  it, 
and  they  said:  "No  wonder."  Then  they 
asked  pa  where  he  got  it,  and  pa  said  he  sent 
me  to  order  it,  and  then  they  all  said:  "That 
settles  it." 

249 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

I  thought  I  would  go  'way  and  jump  in  the 
river,  but  pa  said:  "Hennery,  come  here,  my 
angel,"  and  he  spit  on  his  hands  and  picked  up 
a  barrel  stave.  I  went  right  up  to  pa,  as  inno- 
cent as  could  be,  just  as  any  dutiful  son  should, 
and  right  there  before  the  animals  and  freaks 
pa — well,  that's  the  reason  I  am  not  sitting 
down  very  much  these  days.    So  long. 


\«5o 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

The  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa  Inject  a  Little  Poli- 
tics Into  the  Show — Rival  Bands  of  Atlanta 
Citizens  Meet  in  the  Circus  Tent — A  Bunch 
of  Angry  Hornets  Causes  Much  Bitter  Feel- 
ing. 

I  expect  that  next  year  I  shall  be  one  of  the 
managers  of  this  show,  'cause  they  tell  me  I 
have  got  the  greatest  head  of  any  boy  that  has 
ever  traveled  with  the  show. 

We  haven't  been  having  a  very  big  business 
in  the  south,  because  the  negroes  haven't  mon- 
ey enough  to  patronize  shows,  and  a  lot  of  the 
white  people  are  either  too  high-toned  or  else 
they  are  politicians  and  want  a  pars.  The 
managers  and  heads  of  departments  held  a 
meeting  to  devise  some  way  to  get  both 
classes  interested,  and  everybody  was  asked 
to  state  their  views.  After  they  all  got  through 
talking  pa  asked  me  what  I  thought  would  be 
the  best  way  to  get  the  people  excited  about 
the  show,  and  I  told  him  there  was  no  way  ex- 
cept to  inject  a  little  politics  into  it.     I  said  if 

251 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

they  would  give  me  $50  or  so,  to  buy  Chinese 
lanterns,  and  about  a  hundred  complimentary 
tickets  to  give  away,  pa  and  I  could  go  to  At- 
lanta a  couple  of  days  ahead  of  the  show  and 
we  could  organize  a  Roosevelt  club  among  the 
negroes,  and  a  Bryan  club  among  the  white 
fellows,  and  at  the  evening  performance  we 
could  have  the  two  clubs  march  into  the  main 
tent,  one  from  the  main  entrance,  and  one 
from  the  dressing  room,  with  Chinese  lan- 
terns, and  one  could  yell  for  Roosevelt  and  the 
other  for  Bryan,  and  advertise  that  a  great 
sensation  would  be  sprung  at  the  evening  per- 
formance. I  said  the  tent  wouldn't  begin  to 
hold  the  people. 

Every  one  of  the  managers  and  heads  of  de- 
partments said  it  would  be  great  stuff.  Pa  was 
the  only  one  that  kicked.  He  said  the  two 
processions  might  get  into  a  fight,  but  I  said 
what  if  they  did,  we  wouldn't  be  to  blame.  Let 
'em  fight  if  they  want  to,  and  we  can  see  fair 
play. 

So  they  all  agreed  that  pa  and  I  should  go 
to  Atlanta  ahead,  and  organize  the  political 
processions,  and,  say,  we  had  such  a  time  that 
the  circus  came  near  never  getting  out  of  the 

252 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

town  alive.     We  overdid  the  thing,  so  they 
wanted  to  lynch  me,  and  pa  wanted  to  help. 

The  way  it  was  was  this  way:  Pa  was  to 
organize  the  white  men  for  Bryan,  and  I  was 
to  organize  the  negroes  for  Roosevelt,  and  we 
went  to  work  and  bought  600  Chinese  lanterns, 
and  pa  stored  his  half  of  the  lanterns  in  a  barn 
on  the  circus  lot  and  I  stored  mine  in  another 
barn  owned  by  a  negro  that  I  gave  five  dollars 
to  be  my  assistant,  with  a  promise  that  he 
should  have  a  job  traveling  with  the  show,  to 
milk  the  sacred  cow.  I  told  this  negro  what 
the  program  was,  and  that  I  wanted  200  ne- 
groes who  had  an  ambition  to  be  politicians, 
and  hold  office,  and  I  would  not  only  pass  them 
into  the  show  free,  but  see  that  they  got  a  per- 
manent office.  What  we  had  got  to  do,  I  said, 
was  to  stampede  the  white  procession,  that 
would  be  led  by  pa,  and  the  way  to  do  it  was 
for  every  negro  in  my  party  to  skirmish  around 
in  the  woods  and  find  a  hornet's  nest,  and 
bring  it  to  our  barn,  and  fit  it  into  one  of  the 
Chinese  lanterns,  and  fix  a  candle  on  top  of 
the  nest,  while  the  hornets  were  asleep.  Then 
when  we  met  the  Bryan  procession  we  were  to 
shout  and  wave  our  lanterns,  and  if  necessary 
to  whack  the  white  men  over  the  head  with 

253 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  lantern  with  the  hornets'  nest,  and  the  hor- 
nets would  wake  up  and  do  the  rest. 

The  negro  wanted  to  know  how  I  could 
prevent  the  hornets  from  stinging  our  own 
men,  and  I  told  him  that  we  had  been  in  the 
hornet  business  all  the  season  and  never  had 
one  of  our  own  men  stung.  I  said  we  took 
some  assofoedita  and  rubbed  it  on  our  clothes 
and  faces,  and  the  hornets  wouldn't  touch  us, 
but  just  went  for  the  other  fellows  to  beat  the 
band.  Say,  negroes  are  easy  marks.  You  can 
make  them  believe  anything.  But  if  I  ever 
get  to  be  president  I  am  going  to  appoint  my 
negro  assistant  to  a  position  in  my  cabinet, 
'cause  he  is  the  greatest  political  organizer  I 
ever  saw.  He  rounded  up  over  200  cotton 
pickers  and  negro  men  who  work  in  the  freight 
depots  once  in  a  while  and  started  them  out 
after  hornets'  nests.  He  gave  them  some 
change  to  get  a  drink,  and  promised  them  free 
passes  into  the  show  next  night,  and  the  next 
morning  they  showed  up  with  hornets'  nests 
enough  to  scare  you.  They  put  them  In  a  dark 
place  in  the  barn,  so  the  hornets  wouldn't  get 
curious  and  want  to  come  out  of  the  nests  be- 
fore they  got  their  cue. 

That   afternoon   we    fitted   them    into    the 

254 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Chinese  lanterns,  and  tied  sticks  on  the  lan- 
terns and  fixed  the  candles,  and  when  night 
came  there  were  more  negroes  than  I  could 
use.  But  I  told  them  to  follow  along,  and  the 
door  tender  would  let  them  in,  and  all  they 
need  to  do  was  to  yell  for  Teddy  when  I  did> 
and  so  we  marched  to  the  main  tent  about  the 
time  the  performance  got  to  going.  I  saw  pa 
with  his  gang  of  white  men  go  into  the  dress- 
ing room  at  about  the  same  time.  The  mana- 
ger had  timed  it  for  us  to  come  in  about  8:30, 
into  the  main  tent,  when  the  elephants  were  in 
their  pyramid  act,  so  my  crowd  of  negroes 
stopped  in  the  menagerie  tent  half  an  hour 
waiting  to  be  called. 

I  wish  I  wasn't  so  confounded  curious,  but 
I  suppose  I  was  born  that  way.  I  took  one 
of  the  Chinese  lanterns  that  was  not  lighted 
and  just  thought  I  would  like  to  see  what  the 
hyenas  and  the  big  lion,  who  were  in  the  same 
cage,  with  an  iron  partition  between  them, 
would  do  if  a  Chinese  lantern  was  put  in  the 
cage,  so  I  got  the  fellow  that  watches  the  cage 
to  open  up  the  top  trap  door,  and  I  dropped  a 
Chinese  lantern  with  a  hornets'  nest  in  it  right 
between  the  two  hyenas.  Gee,  but  you  ought 
to  have  seen  them  pounce  on  it,  and  bite  it  and 

255 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

tear  it  up,  and  then  the  hornets  woke  up,  z&d 
thef  didn't  do  a  thing  to  that  mess  of  hywnas. 
The  hyenas  set  up  a  grand  hailing  sign  of  dis- 
tress, and  howled  pitiful,  and  the  lion  raised 
up  his  head  and  looked  at  them  through  the 
bars  as  though  he  was  saying,  in  a  snarling 
way,  "What  you  grave  robbers  howling  about? 
Can't  you  keep  still  and  let  the  czar  of  all  the 
animals  enjoy  his  after  dinner  nap?" 

Just  then  the  hyenas  kicked  what  was  left 
of  the  hornets'  nest  under  the  bars  into  his 
side  of  the  cage,  and  he  put  his  foot  on  it  and 
growled,  and  about  a  hundred  hornets  gave 
him  his.  He  gave  an  Abyssinian  cough  that 
woke  all  the  animals,  and  then  the  hornets 
scattered  and  before  I  knew  it  the  zebras  were 
dancing  a  snake  dance  and  all  of  them  were, 
howling  as  though  they  were  in  the  ark,  hun- 
gry, and  the  ark  had  landed  on  Mount  Ararat. 

Just  then  one  of  the  assistant  managers 
beckoned  to  me  to  lead  in  my  procession  and 
we  lighted  the  candles  in  our  Chinese  lanterns. 
I  didn't  stop  to  see  how  the  animals  got  along 
with  the  hornets,  but  I  couldn't  help  thinking 
that  if  one  hornets'  nest  could  raise  such  a  row, 
what  would  a  hundred  or  so  do  when  we  got 
to  going  in  the  other  tent? 

256 


He   Hit  Pa   Over  the    Head   with    His  Chinese    Lanterns. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Oh,  if  I  had  only  died  when  I  was  young,  I 
never  would  have  witnessed  that  sight.  The 
band  played,  "There'll  be  a  Hot  Time  in  the 
Old  Town  To-night,"  and  pa's  crowd  of  white 
trash  marched  around  the  big  outside  ring 
shouting,  "Bryan!  Bryan!  What's  the  matter 
with  Bryan!"  and  the  audience  got  up  on  its 
hind  legs  and  yelled — that  is  the  white  folks 
did — and  then  we  marched  around  the  other 
way,  and  yelled,  "Teddy  is  the  stuff!  Teddy 
is  the  stuff!"  and  the  negroes  in  the  audience 
yelled.  Then  my  crowd  met  pa's  crowd  right 
by  the  middle  ring,  where  the  elephants  had 
formed  the  pyramid  that  closes  their  act,  and 
the  Japanese  jugglers  were  in  the  right-hand 
ring,  and  a  party  of  female  tumblers,  with  low- 
necked  stockings,  were  standing  at  attention 
in  the  left-hand  ring. 

There  was  no  intention  of  having  a  riot, 
but  when  pa  yelled,  "What's  the  matter  with 
Bryan?"  a  negro  in  my  crowd  yelled,  "That's 
what's  the  matter  with  Bryan,"  and  he  hit  pa 
over  the  head  with  his  Chinese  lantern,  loaded 
with  a  warm  hornets'  nest  as  big  as  a  football, 
which  had  taken  fire  from  the  candle.  Pa 
dropped  his  lantern  and  began  to  fight  hor- 
nets, and  then  all  the  white  trash  in  pa's  bunch 

258 


The  8tampeded   Like  They   Never  Met  a   Hornet  Before. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

rushed  up  and  began  to  whack  my  poor  down- 
trodden negroes  with  their  Chinese  lanterns. 
Of  course,  my  fellows  couldn't  stand  still  and 
be  mauled,  and  the  candles  had  warmed  our 
hornets'  nests  so  the  hornets  were  crawling 
out  to  see  what  was  the  trouble.  Then  every 
negro  whacked  a  white  man  with  a  hornets' 
nest  and  the  audience  fairly  went  wild  with 
excitement. 

The  hornets  got  busy  and  went  for  the  ele- 
phants and  the  Japanese  jugglers,  and  they 
stampeded  like  they  never  met  a  hornet  be- 
fore. 

The  female  tumblers  found  hornets  on  their 
stockings,  and  everywhere,  and  they  gave  a 
female  war  whoop  and  rushed  for  the  dressing 
room.  The  elephants  got  stung  and  they  came 
down  off  their  pyramid  and  went  out  to  the 
menagerie  tent  trumpeting,  and  switching 
their  trunks.  The  negroes  and  the  white  poli- 
ticians were  getting  into  a  race  war,  so  the 
circus  hands  rushed  in  and  separated  them, 
and  my  negroes  found  that  the  fetty  I  had 
them  rub  on  themselves  did  not  keep  the 
hornets  from  stinging  them,  so  they  stam- 
peded. 

Then  the  hornets  began  to  go  for  the  audi- 

260 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

ence,  and  the  women  yelled  murder  and  pulled 
down  their  dresses  to  cover  their  shoes,  and  the 
men  got  stung  and  the  whole  audience  stam- 
peded into  the  open  air. 

Then  I  met  pa,  and  he  was  a  sight,  and  I 
never  got  stung  once.  The  managers  tried  to 
get  the  band  to  play  some  tune  that  would 
soothe  and  hold  the  audience  till  an  explana- 
tion could  be  made,  but  somebody  had  thrown 
a  hornets'  nest  under  the  band  seats  and  the 
horn  players  got  stung  on  the  lips  so  they 
couldn't  play,  and  the  band  all  lit  out  for  a 
beer  garden.  Before  I  realized  it  the  show  was 
over,  and  a  detective  that  detects  for  the  show 
had  me  collared  and  brought  me  up  before  a 
meeting  of  the  managers.  Pa  was  the  prose- 
cuting attorney,  and  told  them  that  I  didn't 
run  my  politics  fair,  'cause  I  had  brought  in  a 
lot  of  ringers.  The  managers  asked  me  how 
the  hornets'  nests  came  to  be  in  the  Chinese 
lanterns.  I  told  them  they  would  have  to  ask 
the  negroes  for  how  was  I  to  know  what 
weapons  they  had  concealed  about  their  per- 
sons, any  more  than  pa  was  responsible  if  his 
politicians  carried  revolvers. 

They  said  that  looked  reasonable,  but  they 
believed  I  knew  more  about  it  than  anybody, 

261 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


but  as  we  had  to  pack  up  the  show  and  make 
the  next  town  they  wouldn't  lynch  me  till  the 
next  day.  Pa  got  me  to  put  cold  cream  on  his 
stings,  and  then  he  said,  "Hennery,  you  are 
the  limit." 


262 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

The  Show  Does  Poor  Business  in  the  South — 
Pa  Side  Tracks  a  Circus  Car  Filled  with 
Creditors — A  Performance  Given  "For  the 
Poor,"  Fills  the  Treasury— A  Wild  West 
Man  Buncoes  the  Show. 

Gee,  but  this  show  has  been  up  against  it  the 
last  week.  We  haven't  made  a  paying  stand 
anywhere.  The  show  business  is  all  right 
when  you  have  to  turn  people  away,  or  let 
them  in  on  standing  room.  Then  you  can  snap 
your  fingers  at  fate,  and  drink  foolish  water 
out  of  four-dollar  bottles  of  fizz  that  has  the 
cork  trained  so  it  will  pop  out  clear  to  the  top 
of  the  tent,  and  make  a  noise  that  makes  you 
think  you  own  the  earth,  but  when  you  strike 
the  southern  country  where  the  white  men 
have  not  sold  their  cotton  and  the  negroes 
have  not  been  paid  for  picking  it,  the  audience 
looks  like  a  political  caucus  in  an  off  year, 
when  there  is  nobody  with  money  enough  to 
stimulate  the  voters.  When  the  audiences  are 
small,  and  half  the  people  in  attendance  get  in 
on  bill-sticker's  passes,  and  you  can't  pay  the 

263 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

help  regularly,  but  have  to  stand  them  off  with 
promises,  you  are  liable  to  have  a  strike  any 
minute.  The  people  you  owe  for  hotel  bills, 
and  horse  feed,  and  supplies,  follow  you  from 
one  town  to  another,  threatening  to  attach  the 
ticket  wagon  and  levy  on  the  animals.  It  takes 
diplomacy  and  unadulterated  gall  to  run  a 
show. 

We  are  playing  now  to  get  back  into  the 
northern  states,  but  we  have  to  leave  an  ani- 
mal of  some  kind  in  the  hands  of  a  sheriff 
every  day,  which  has  been  all  right  so  far, 
'cause  we  have  steered  the  sheriffs  on  to  ele- 
phants that  have  corns  so  they  are  no  good 
except  to  eat,  one  zebra  that  was  made  up  by 
a  painter,  who  painted  stripes  on  a  white  mule, 
and  one  lion  that  was  so  old  he  will  never  sell 
at  forced  sale  for  enough  to  pay  for  the  beef 
tea  the  sheriff  will  have  to  feed  him. 

When  creditors  in  a  town  get  too  mad  and 
threaten  to  attach  things,  we  invite  them  to 
go  along  with  us  for  a  few  days,  and  get  their 
money  when  we  strike  a  paying  stand,  and  we 
agree  to  furnish  them  a  Pullman  car  and  all 
they  can  eat.  That  is  rather  tempting  to 
country  people,  so  we  had  a  full  car  load  of 
creditors  with  us  for  a    week,    and    we   gave 

264 


The  Sacred  Cow  Chased  Pa  Up  Into  the  Rafters  of  the  Car. 


PECK"S  BAD  BOY 

them  plenty  to  drink,  so  they  had  the 
time  of  their  lives,  but  they  didn't  get  their 
money.  After  going  with  us  all  through 
Georgia,  they  held  an  indignation  meeting  in 
the  car,  and  between  high  balls  and  cheese 
sandwiches  they  got  sleepy,  and  we  side 
tracked  their  car  in  the  woods  at  a  station  in 
Mississippi,  where  there  was  a  post  office,  saw 
mill  and  a  cotton  gin.  I  guess  they  are  there 
yet  unless  Mr.  Pullman's  lost  car  experts  have 
found  the  car  and  driven  them  out  with  fire 
extinguishers. 

Pa  came  pretty  near  being  left  in  that  car 
with  the  creditors  in  Mississippi.  He  was 
helping  to  entertain  the  guests,  and  jollying 
them  up  to  believe  they  would  get  their  money 
when  we  got  to  Memphis  the  next  day,  when 
he  noticed  the  car  had  been  sidetracked,  and 
he  knew  that  was  the  way  we  were  going  to 
dispose  of  the  creditors.  He  thought  some  one 
would  tell  him  when  to  get  off,  but  he  was  sit- 
ting up  with  a  landlady  from  some  place  in 
Georgia  that  we  owed  a  lot  of  money  for  feed- 
ing the  freaks,  and  she  was  threatening  that  if 
she  didn't  get  her  money  she  would  have  the 
heart's  blood  of  some  one.  So  pa  was  afraid 
to  leave  for  fear  she  would  stab  him. 

266 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

But  when  the  car  stopped  on  the  siding,  pa 
took  off  his  coat  and  hat  and  yawned,  and  said 
he  guessed  he  would  turn  in,  and  she  let  him 
go  to  his  berth,  and  he  got  out  on  the  platform, 
and  just  then  the  second  section  of  our  train 
came  along,  and  stopped  for  water,  and  pa 
crawled  into  an  animal  car  and  laid  down  in 
the  straw  with  the  sacred  cow.  She  bellowed 
all  night  'cause  the  sacred  bull,  her  husband, 
had  been  attached  for  debt  at  Vicksburg,  but 
when  pa  got  in  the  car  in  his  shirt  sleeves  and 
humped  his  shoulders  up  on  account  of  the 
cold,  the  cow  thought  maybe  she  had  been  un- 
necessarily alarmed,  and  maybe  pa  was  her 
husband. 

So  she  quit  bellowing,  and  laid  down  and 
chewed  her  cud  till  daylight.  Then  when  she 
saw  that  pa  was  another  person  she  got  mad 
and  chased  him  up  into  the  rafters  of  the  car, 
and  he  had  to  ride  there  until  the  train  got  to 
Memphis.  The  hands  rescued  pa,  but  he  got 
away  from  the  creditors  all  right. 

We  made  a  new  lot  of  creditors  at  Memphis, 
and  they  proposed  to  go  along  with  us,  but 
we  shook  them  off. 

Gee,  but  we  made  a  killing  in  Memphis,  and 
don't  you  forget  it.     We  had  handbills  on  all 

267 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  wagons  in  the  parade,  telling  the  people 
that  the  proceeds  of  the  afternoon  and  even- 
ing performance  would  be  given  to  deserving 
persons,  in  charity,  and  the  intention  was  to 
use  the  money  to  pay  off  the  hands.  My,  but 
how  the  people  turned  out.  The  tents  were 
all  full,  and  we  had  more  money  than  we  have 
had  in  a  month  before,  and  after  the  perform- 
ance at  night  the  mayor  and  some  prominent 
citizens  waited  on  the  management  and  asked 
when  and  where  we  were  going  to  distribute 
the  money  to  the  deserving  persons. 

The  managers  appointed  pa  to  stand  off  the 
committee.  Pa  said  he  had  noticed,  in  walk- 
ing about  the  city,  a  beautiful  park  in  the  cen- 
ter of  the  town,  and  he  told  the  committee  that 
his  idea  was  to  have  the  deserving  people 
gather  at  the  park  the  next  morning,  which 
was  Sunday,  and  wait  there  until  the  managers 
of  the  show  could  count  the  money,  and  pre- 
pare to  distribute  it,  honestly  and  impartially, 
with  the  advice  of  the  local  committee.  That 
seemed  all  right,  and  the  committee  notified 
the  citizens  to  meet  in  the  park  at  nine  o'clock 
the  next  morning,  and  receive  the  money  the 
citizens  had  so  kindly  contributed  to  such  a 
noble  cause,  and  they  went  away. 

268 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Our  show  has  got  out  of  a  good  many  tight 
places,  but  we  never  got  out  of  a  town  so  quiet- 
ly and  unostentatiously  as  we  got  out  of  Mem- 
phis during  that  early  Sunday  morning.  There 
was  not  noise  enough  made  getting  our  stuff 
to  the  train  to  wake  up  a  policeman,  and  be- 
fore daylight  the  different  sections  of  the  train 
had  crossed  the  big  bridge  into  Arkansas,  and 
were  on  the  way  to  the  Indian  Territory.  Pa 
and  the  other  managers  were  on  the  platform 
of  the  last  car  of  the  last  section,  as  it  pulled 
out  across  the  river,  at  daylight,  and  even  that 
early  it  seemed  as  though  the  whole  colored 
population  of  Memphis  was  on  the  way  to  the 
park,  to  secure  good  positions,  so  they  could 
receive  their  share  of  the  money.  As  the  train 
got  to  the  middle  of  the  river,  and  safe  into 
Arkansas,  the  whole  management  breathed  a 
sigh  of  relief.  The  boss  canvasman  said:  "It 
is  like  getting  money  from  home,"  and  pa  said: 
"It  is  like  taking  money  from  the  tin  cup  of  a 
blind  organ  grinder,"  and  the  treasurer  of  the 
show  said,  as  he  put  the  day's  receipts  in  the 
safe  in  the  business  car:  "It  looks  good  to 
me."  Then  they  all  turned  in  to  sleep  the  happy 
hours  away,  that  beautiful  Sunday  on  the  way 
to  Indian  Territory  and  Oklahoma. 

269 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Well,  sir,  you  can  never  make  me  believe 
that  money  obtained  dishonestly  will  stay  by 
a  person,  or  do  him  any  good,  and  that  was 
demonstrated  in  the  case  of  our  show  the  next 
day.  We  got  acquainted  with  an  old  show- 
man who  was  out  of  luck,  who  used  to  run  a 
wild  west  show,  but  got  busted  up,  and  as  he 
didn't  care  where  he  went,  we  took  him  with 
us  on  the  train,  and  all  day  Sunday  he  talked 
about  his  show  experiences,  and  finally  he  said 
if  we  had  any  horses  with  our  show  that  could 
run  races,  we  could  make  a  barrel  of  money  at 
Guthrie,  where  we  were  to  make  our  next 
stand.  He  said  the  Indians  and  half  breeds 
all  had  Indian  ponies  that  they  thought  could 
beat  any  horses  that  ever  wore  shoes,  and  that 
they  would  bet  every  cent  they  had  on  their 
ponies,  and  as  they  had  just  been  paid  their 
annuities  by  the  government,  they  had  money 
in  bales,  and  we  could  get  it  all,  if  we  had 
horses  that  were  any  good,  and  money  to  back 
them.  His  idea  was  to  give  out  that  owing  to 
some  accident  we  could  not  give  an  afternoon 
performance,  and  just  get  out  the  horses  and 
bet  the  Indians  to  a  standstill,  and  win  all  their 
money,  and  give  a  free  evening  show  as  a  sort 
of  consolation  to  the  Indians. 

270 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Well,  it  looked  good  to  pa,  and  he  talked  to 
the  other  managers,  and  the  result  was  when 
we  got  to  Guthrie  we  had  made  up  our  minds 
that  as  money  was  what  we  were  after,  the 
easiest  wray  was  to  get  it  by  racing  our  horses. 

So  when  we  got  settled  in  Guthrie,  and  got 
the  tent  up,  we  announced  that  part  of  the 
show  was  in  a  wreck  down  the  road  in  Arka- 
sas,  and  we  should  have  to  abandon  the  after- 
noon performance,  but  in  the  meantime  there 
would  be  a  little  horse  racing  on  the  side,  if 
anybody  in  Oklahoma  had  any  horses  they 
thought  could  run  some. 

Well,  I  thought  there  were  Indians  and 
ponies  and  squaws  enough  before  the  an- 
nouncement was  made,  but  in  less  than  two 
hours  more  than  a  thousand  ponies  were  be- 
ing brought  in,  and  we  got  our  chariot  racers, 
and  our  bareback  hippodrome  horses,  and  they 
were  being  led  around  and  admired,  and  we 
all  laughed  at  the  little  runts  of  Indian  ponies, 
and  the  Indians  got  mad  and  backed  their 
ponies. 

Pretty  soon  the  races  began  in  the  vacant 
lot  just  outside  the  town.  The  old  showman 
we  had  brought  up  from  Memphis  was  made 
master  of  ceremonies,  'cause    he    could    talk 

271 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Choctaw,  and  Comanche,  and  other  Indian 
jargon,  and  things  got  busy.  The  Indians 
wouldn't  run  their  ponies  more  than  an  eighth 
of  a  mile,  or  a  quarter,  and  we  consented,  be- 
cause the  poor  little  things  didn't  look  as 
though  they  could  run  a  block,  they  were  so 
thin,  and  sleepy.  Pa  was  afraid  the  humane 
society  would  have  us  arrested  for  cruelty  to 
animals.  All  our  fellows  were  provided  with 
money,  and  they  flashed  rolls  of  bills  in  the 
faces  of  the  Indians,  and  finally  Mr.  Indian 
would  reach  down  under  his  clothes  and  pull 
out  a  roll,  and  wet  his  thumb  and  peel  off  big 
bills,  and  before  we  knew  it  we  were  investing 
a  fortune  in  the  racing  game.  Then  the  rac- 
ing began,  and  the  horses  were  sent  off  at  the 
drop  of  a  hat,  or  the  firing  of  a  pistol. 

I  was  given  some  money  to  bet  with  the  lit- 
tle Indians,  'cause  pa  said  we  wanted  to  get 
every  dollar  in  the  tribe,  for  if  we  didn't  get  it 
the  Indians  would  spend  it  for  fire  water.  The 
first  race  was  between  one  of  our  best  runners 
and  a  sleepy  little  spotted  pony,  and  when  the 
hat  was  dropped  the  pony  made  a  few  jumps 
and  was  off  like  a  rabbit,  and  our  horse 
cpuldn't  see  him  for  the  dust,  and  our  horse 
was  distanced.     The  next  race  resulted  the 

272 


The   Pony    Was  Off   Like  a   Rabbit 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

same,  and  all  day  long  we  never  won  a  race, 
and  the  Indians  took  our  money  and 
put  it  in  their  pants  and  never  smiled.  The 
old  showman  we  had  befriended  seemed 
crushed. 

When  our  money  was  nearly  all  gone  to  the 
confounded  Indians,  and  the  sun  was  going 
down,  he  went  up  to  pa  and  said:  "Uncle, 
what  does  this  all  mean?  I  thought  your 
horses  could  run." 

Pa  said:  "Damfino,  I  never  was  no  horse 
racer,  nohow." 

When  our  money  was  all  gone,  and  our 
horses  were  nearly  dead  from  fatigue,  the 
managers  all  got  together  in  the  big  tent  for 
a  consultation  on  finances,  and  it  was  the  sad- 
dest sight  I  ever  saw.  Pa  tried  to  be  cheerful, 
and  he  said:  "Well,  we  will  give  the  evening 
performance,  and  when  the  Indians  are  all  in 
the  tent  we  can  turn  out  the  lights  and  turn 
the  boys  loose  on  them,  and  maybe  they  will 
find  some  of  the  money  in  their  breech  clouts." 

"You  don't  mean  to  rob  them,  do  you?"  said 
the  boss  canvasman,  and  pa  said:  "No,  no; 
far  from  it.  We  will  borrow  it  of  them.  It  is 
no  harm  to  borrow  from  an   Indian." 

Just  then  the  treasurer  came  in  with  an 

274 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

empty  tin  box  he  had  carried  the  money  out  in, 
and  he  said  there  would  be  no  use  of  having 
an  evening-  performance,  'cause  the  Indians 
had  taken  their  ponies  and  squaws  and  money 
and  gone  towards  the  setting  sun,  and  pa 
said:  ''Where  is  that  old  showman?"  and  the 
treasurer  said:  "He  has  gone  with  them.  He 
is  their  legal  adviser,  and  went  down  to  Mem- 
phis to  rope  us  into  the  game." 


m 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

The  Circus  Has  Bad  Luck  in  Indian  Terri- 
tory— A  Herd  of  Animals  Turned  Out  to 
Graze  Is  Stampeded  by  Indians — They  Go 
Dashing  Over  the  Plains,  and  the  Circus 
Tent  Follows,  Picked  Up  by  a  Cyclone. 
No  more  horse  racing  for  this  circus. 

The  managers  held  a  meeting  at  Guthrie, 
Okla.,  after  we  had  lost  our  money  horse  rac- 
ing with  the  Indians,  and  pa  said  the  consen- 
sus of  opinion  was  that  we  better  stick  to  the 
legitimate  show  business,  and  not  try  to  work 
in  any  side  lines.  Pa  says  he  made  a  speech 
at  the  managers'  meeting,  in  which  he  showed 
that  the  business  man  who  attended  strictly 
to  the  business  which  he  knew  all  about,  would 
make  money,  while  the  man  who  knew  about 
dry  goods,  but  worked  in  a  millinery  store  or 
a  stock  of  tinware,  got  it  in  the  neck.  He 
would  either  get  stuck  on  the  head  milliner, 
or  buy  a  stock  of  tinware  that  would  not  hold 
water. 

So  a  resolution  was  passed  to  the  effect 
that  hereafter  no  temptation  could  be  great 

276 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

enough  to  get  our  show  to  go  into  anything 
outside  of  the  business,  no  matter  how  good  it 
looked  as  a  get-rich-quick  affair.  So  we  gath- 
ered up  our  show  and  played  a  whole  week  in 
Oklahoma,  and  had  full  houses  all  the  time, 
and  made  money  enough  to  redeem  our  ani- 
mals that  had  been  attached  by  creditors.  We 
have  paid  up  our  debts,  and  we  got  out  of  Ok- 
lahoma with  flying  colors. 

If  we  had  gone  right  on  to  Kansas  we  would 
have  shown  sense,  but  some  cowboys  from  the 
Indian  Territory  told  pa  and  the  other  man- 
agers that  if  we  would  take  the  show  to  the 
Indian  Territory  we  couldn't  get  cars  enough 
to  haul  the  money  away,  as  the  Indians  had 
got  round-shouldered  and  bow-legged  carry- 
ing the  money  they  had  made  grazing  cattle, 
and  the  territory  was  full  of  cowboys  that  had 
money  to  burn,  and  they  hadn't  seen  a  cir- 
cus since  the  war. 

Well,  it  seemed  a  shame  to  go  by  the  Indian 
Territory,  and  allow  those  poor  Indians  to 
break  their  backs  carrying  money  around,  and 
so  we  sent  a  carload  of  bill  pasters  into  the 
territory  and  billed  towns  that  would  hold  vr 
about  a  week,  and  we  figured  that  we  would 
clean  up  enough  money  to  last  us  all  a  life- 

277 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

time.  I  wish  I  didn't  have  to  write  about  the 
result,  'cause  we  are  broke  up  so  we  can't  look 
pleasant  to  have  our  pictures  taken. 

It  was  a  bright,  beautiful  Sunday  morning 
that  we  arrived  at  Muskoka,  and  soon  after 
daylight  we  had  our  tents  pitched.  As  we  had 
all  day  Sunday  to  rest,  pa  suggested  that  it 
would  be  a  good  idea  to  t^ke  all  our  animals 
that  eat  grass  out  on  the  grazing  ground  on 
the  edge  of  the  town  and  let  them  fill  up  on 
the  nice  blue  grass  that  was  knee-high  all 
over  the  country.  So  after  breakfast  we  de- 
tailed men  to  take  charge  of  the  different  an- 
imals, and  herd  them  out  in  the  tall  grass.  It 
was  a  beautiful  sight  to  see  those  rare  animals, 
gathered  from  all  over  the  world,  eating  grass 
together,  in  perfect  peace,  in  this  new  country. 
The  animals  that  wc  thought  would  stand 
without  hitching,  like  the  elephants,  were 
cared  for  by  their  attendants,  but  the  animals 
that  might  wander  from  their  own  fire- 
side, were  picketed  out,  or  held  by  long  ropes, 
the  deer,  the  buffalo,  the  zebras,  the  sacred 
cattle,  the  elk,  the  yaks,  the  camels  and  that 
kind,  were  tied  with  long  lariats,  and  held  by 
the  men  detailed  by  the  managers.  For  a 
couple  of  hours  the  animals  just  gorged  them- 

278 


'.    Wi 


The  Boss  Canvasman  Went   Into  a  Cactus. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

selves,  after  they  had  kicked  up  their  heels  a 
spell  and  rolled  in  the  grass.  Then  one  of  the 
elephants  got  up  on  his  hind  feet  and  held  up 
two  toes,  like  boys  in  school  hold  up  two  fin- 
gers when  they  want  to  go  in  swimming,  and 
the  elephant  started  for  a  creek  and  went  in 
the  water,  and  the  whole  herd  followed,  and 
they  spattered  each  other,  and  ducked  and 
rolled  around  just  like  school  boys.  The 
whole  population  of  the  town,  whites  and  In- 
dians, came  to  the  bank  of  the  river  to  watch 
the  fun. 

Pa  was  holding  his  elk  by  a  rope  and  one 
of  the  managers  had  a  rope  around  the  neck 
of  a  giraffe ;  the  treasurer  and  the  ticket  taker 
was  leading  the  zebras,  and  everybody  was 
busy  with  some  kind  of  animal,  and  I  had  a 
rope  around  an  antelope,  and  some  of  our  men 
on  horseback  were  herding  the  buffaloes.  It 
didn't  seem  as  though  anything  wrong  could 
happen.  The  elephants  wouldn't  come  out  of 
the  creek,  so  the  boss  canvasman  went  over 
to  where  there  were  about  500  cowboys  and 
Indians  on  horseback,  and  asked  them  to  ride 
into  the  creek  and  drive  the  elephants  out 
where  the  rest  of  the  animals  were,  on  the 
prairie. 

280 


Dad  Was  Only  Hitting  the  High  Places. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Gee,  but  that  was  the  greatest  mistake  he 
could  have  made.  The  men  on  horseback 
didn't  want  any  better  fun,  so  they  made  a 
charge,  in  line  of  battle,  just  like  Sheridan's 
cavalry,  down  the  bank,  into  the  creek,  yelling 
and  waving  lariat  ropes,  and  snapping  whips 
and  the  elephants  got  out  of  that  creek  in  a 
hurry.  The  cowboys  threw  lassoes  over  the 
hind  feet  of  the  elephants,  and  tried  to  hold 
them,  and  the  elephants  bellowed,  and 
dragged  the  cowboys  and  their  ponies  right 
amongst  the  other  animals,  and  in  about  a 
minute,  as  the  boss  canvasman  said  when  he 
came  to,  and  they  were  picking  the  cactus 
thorns  out  of  him:  "Hell  was  just  plumb  out 
for  noon." 

The  buffaloes  smelled  the  Indians,  and  they 
started  to  stampede,  like  they  used  to  do 
when  they  lived  on  the  plains,  and  all  the  an- 
imals followed,  dragging  the  men  who  had 
hold  of  their  ropes,  and  away  we  all  went  over  a 
rise  of  ground,  the  zebras  in  the  lead  and  the 
elephants  fetching  up  the  rear,  the  cowboys 
and  Indians  behind,  yelling  and  ki-i-ing,  and 
more  than  500  Indian  dogs  barking. 

Well,  pa  was  the  foolishest  man  in  the  lot, 
'cause  he  had  tied  the  lariat  rope  that  he  held 

282 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

his  elk  by,  around  his  belt,  and  when  the  elk 
went  over  the  hill  pa  was  only  hitting  the 
high  places,  and  he  was  yelling  for  me  to  head 
off  his  elk.  But  I  was  busy  trying  to  keep  up 
with  my  antelope,  which  was  scared  worse 
than  any  animal  in  the  race.  When  the  ante- 
lope and  I  overtook  the  boss  canvasman,  who 
was  digging  his  heels  into  the  ground  trying 
to  hold  his  zebra,  I  thought  it  was  a  good  time 
to  say  something  pleasant,  so  I  said:  "This  is 
a  lovely  country  we  are  passing  through,"  but 
I  never  heard  his  reply,  'cause  just  then  the 
zebra  jumped  over  a  big  cactus  and  the  boss 
canvasman  went  into  it,  and  stayed  there, 
yelling  for  a  piece  of  ice,  while  the  zebras  that 
were  dragging  the  treasurer  and  the  ticket 
taker  passed  us.  I  yelled  to  the  treasurer  and 
told  him  I  should  have  to  have  my  salary 
raised  if  I  was  expected  to  keep  up  with  my 
antelope,  but  he  told  me  where  to  go  to  get  an 
increase  of  salary,  some  place  in  Arkansas — ■ 
maybe  Hot  Springs. 

Then  my  antelope  heard  the  Indians  and 
cowboys  coming  behind,  and  he  got  his  sec- 
ond wind,  and  I  never  did  touch  the  ground 
no  more,  and  I  must  have  looked  like  a  buz- 
zard sailing  through  the  air.    When  my  ante- 

283 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

lope  got  up  to  where  pa  was  trying  to  keep 
up  with  his  elk.  I  told  pa  he  better  let  go  his 
elk  and  get  the  cowboys  and  Indians  to  ride 
around  ahead  of  the  stampede  and  head  them 
off. 

Pa  said  he  couldn't  let  go  of  his  elk  'cause 
the  rope  was  tied  to  his  belt,  but  for  me  to  hit 
the  ground  somewhere  ahead  and  let  go  of 
that  jack  rabbit  I  was  chasing,  and  tell  the 
cowboys  to  head  off  the  stampede.  So  when 
I  lit  again  I  let  go  the  rope,  and  the  antelope 
got  ahead  of  everything,  and  I  wished  I  had 
bet  on  him. 

When  the  cowboys  and  Indians  got  up  to 
me  I  delivered  the  message  from  pa,  and  they 
divided  and  went  around  the  flanks  of  the 
stampeders,  and  in  another  mile  they  headed 
them  off  in  a  nice  pasture,  and  kept  riding 
around  the  animals  so  they  couldn't  get  away. 
They  soon  had  the  whole  bunch  under  control, 
and  we  all  got  together  to  see  if  anybody  was 
hurt. 

Well,  pa  was  the  worst  sight  of  all.  If  his 
belt  had  broke  he  never  would  have  lost  his 
pants,  'cause  more  than  a  million  cactus 
thorns  had  gone  through  and  pinned  them  on. 
We  had  to  cut  them  off,    and    pull    out    the 

284 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

thorns  with  pincers,  one  at  a  time,  and  pa  yell- 
ing murder  for  every  thorn.  The  boss  can- 
vasman  was  in  the  same  fix,  and  everybody 
that  tried  to  hold  an  animal  was  pinned  to- 
gether with  thorns,  and  they  had  gravel  up 
their  trousers  from  sticking  their  heels  into 
the  soil. 

Everybody  was  mad  and  they  threatened 
to  lynch  pa  when  they  got  back  to  the  tent  for 
suggesting  letting  the  animals  out  to  graze. 
We  started  back  to  town,  the  cowboys  and  In- 
dians driving  the  animals,  and  the  zebras  and 
giraffes  kicking  up  and  acting  as  though  they 
had  got  out  of  school  on  account  of  the  death 
of  a  dear  teacher,  like  schoolboys. 

Before  we  got  to  town  a  wind  came  up  so 
strong  that  we  had  to  walk  edgewise  to  go 
against  it,  and  finally  we  met  the  tent  coming 
out  to  meet  us,  'cause  a  cyclone  had  taken  it 
bodily  and  was  blowing  it  all  over  the  prairie. 
And  when  we  got  to  town  the  animals  in  the 
cages,  that  can't  eat  grass,  were  having  an  in- 
dignation meeting,  and  howling  awful. 

Pa  was  the  first  man  to  get  back  to  the  lot, 
and  he  asked  me  what  I  thought  he  better  do, 
and  I  told  him  he  better  get  in  the  porcupine 
cage,  'cause  he  looked,  with  the  cactus  thorns 

*85 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

sticking  out  of  him,  like  the  father  of  all  porcu- 
pines. He  said  I  thought  I  was  smart,  and 
he  asked  me  if  I  was  hurt  any,  and  I  told  him 
all  I  could  find  was  a  stone  bruise  on  my  spine 
where  I  struck  a  prairie  dog  house. 

Well,  we  got  the  animals  into  a  livery  barn, 
and  it  took  us  almost  the  whole  week  to  have 
the  tent  hauled  back  and  sewed  together,  and 
we  had  to  pay  the  cowboys  and  Indians  more 
than  the  animals  were  worth  to  bring  them 
back,  and  let  them  into  the  show  free.  The 
managers  had  a  meeting  and  resolved  to  get 
out  of  the  Indian  Territory  and  into  Kansas 
just  as  quick  as  possible. 


286 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

Pa  Is  Sent  to  a  Hospital  to  Recuperate — The 
Bad  Boy  Discourages  Other  Boys  from 
Running  Away  with  the  Circus — He  Makes 
Them  Water  the  Camels,  Curry  the  Hye- 
nas and  Put  Insect  Powder  on  the  Buffaloes. 

This  is  the  first  time  since  we  started  out 
with  the  circus  in  the  spring  that  pa  and  I 
have  not  been  two  "Jonnmes  on  the  spot," 
ready  for  anything  that  the  managers  told  us 
to  do.  Oklahoma,  though,  and  the  Indian 
Territory,  have  been  too  much  for  pa,  and 
they  sent  him  on  to  Kansas  City  to  recuperate 
in  a  hospital  for  a  week,  while  the  show  does 
Kansas  to  a  finish,  and  makes  a  triumphal  en- 
try into  Missouri. 

I  wonder  how  the  show  will  get  along  with- 
out us  for  a  week,  'cause  they  sentenced  me  to 
go  along  with  pa,  so  I  could  be  handy  to  hold 
his  hands  when  the  doctors  are  pulling  cac- 
tus needles  out  of  his  hide.  I  guess  pa  was 
willing  enough  to  jump  Kansas  in  the  night 
from  what  he  told  us  once. 

He  said  when  he  was  a  young  man  he  and 

287 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

a  railroad  brakeman  got  busted  at  Topeka, 
and  they  had  an  order  book  printed,  and  went 
all  over  Kansas  taking  orders  for  Osier  wil- 
lows, which  they  warranted  to  grow  so  high 
in  two  years  they  would  make  fences  for  the 
farms  that  no  animals  or  blizzards  could  get 
over  or  through,  and  make  shade  for  the 
houses  and  the  whole  farm.  It  was  the  year 
when  the  Osier  willow  craze  was  on  and  everv 
farmer  on  the  plains  wanted  to  transform  his 
prairie  into  a  forest.  Pa  says  the  farmers 
fought  with  each  other  to  sign  orders,  and 
some  paid  in  advance,  so  as  to  get  the  willow 
cuttings  in  a  hurry.  Well,  pa  and  the  rail- 
road man  canvassed  Kansas,  and  sold  more 
than  forty  thousand  millions  of  Osier  willow 
cuttings,  and  put  in  the  whole  winter.  In  the 
spring,  when  it  was  time  to  deliver  the  goods, 
they  went  into  the  river  bottoms  and  cut  a 
whole  lot  of  "pussy  willow"  cuttings,  delivered 
them  to  the  farmers  and  got  their  money, 
and  went  away.  When  the  pussy  willow  cut- 
tings died  in  their  tracks,  or  grew  up  just  plain 
pussy  willows  that  never  got  high  enough  to 
hide  a  jack  rabbit,  the  farmers  of  Kansas  load- 
ed their  guns  and  waited  for  pa  and  the  brake- 

288 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

man  to  come  back  to  Kansas,  but  they  never 
went  back. 

The  brakeman  became  president  of  a  great 
railroad,  but  when  he  has  to  go  across  the 
continent  in  his  special  car,  he  dodges  Kansas, 
and  goes  across  by  the  northern  or  southern 
route.  Pa  has  so  far  dodged  the  farmers,  but 
money  wouldn't  have  hired  him  to  stay  with 
the  circus  and  meet  those  farmers  that  they 
sold  the  willow  gold  bricks  to.  And  yet,  when 
I  bunco  anybody  around  the  show,  pa  takes  me 
one  side  and  tells  me  that  honesty  is  the  best 
policy,  and  to  never  lie,  'cause  my  character  as 
a  man  will  depend  on  the  start  I  make  as  a  boy. 
He  don't  want  me  to  go  through  life  regret- 
ting the  past,  and  being  afraid  of  the  cars  for 
fear  some  act  of  my  younger  days  will  become 
known  and  queer  me.  I  guess  pa  knows  how 
it  is  hisself. 

Well,  if  there  is  one  thing  I  am  proud  of, 
it  is  that  I  have  always  been  good.  When  I 
grow  up  to  be  a  man,  prosperous  in  business, 
and  belonging  to  a  church,  and  married,  and 
have  children  growing  up  around  me,  I  can 
put  on  an  innocent  face  and  a  bold  front,  and 
point  to  my  past  with  pride,  if  I  should  go  to 
live  among  strangers,  where  nobody  took  the 

289 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

papers,  and  the  people  were  not  on  to  me. 
Pa  says  as  long  as  your  conscience  is  dear, 
and  your  pores  open,  life  is  one  glad,  sweet 
song.  Well,  I  don't  know,  but  if  pa's  con- 
science is  clear,  he  must  have  strained  it  the 
way  they  do  rain  water,  to  get  the  wigglers 
out,  or  else  he  has  used  an  egg  to  settle  his 
conscience,  the  way  they  settle  coffee.  If  his 
pores  are  open,  he  has  opened  them  in  the  old 
way,  with  a  corkscrew.  But,  with  all  I  have 
had  to  contend  with  in  the  way  of  a  frightful 
example  from  pa,  I  am  not  so  worse. 

How  many  boys  of  my  age,  do  you  suppose, 
could  put  in  a  season  with  a  circus  and  have 
all  the  facilities  I  have  had  to  go  wrong,  and 
come  out  as  well  as  I  have?  The  way  the 
freaks  just  doted  on  me  would  have  turned 
the  heads  of  most  boys,  but  when  I  found  out 
that  all  of  them,  from  the  fat  woman  and  the 
bearded  woman,  to  the  trapeze  performers, 
ate  onions  three  times  a  day,  I  said:  "Nay, 
nay,  Hennery  will  camp  with  the  animals, 
whose  smell  is  natural,  and  not  acquired." 

Say,  do  you  know  I  have  saved  hundreds  of 
boys  this  summer  from  ruin,  'cause  in  every 
town  there  are  lots  of  boys  who  want  to  run 
away"    from     home     and     go     off     with     a 

290 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

circus,  and  'cause  I  belonged  to  the  show 
they  all  came  to  me,  and  pa  appointed 
me  to  discourage  the  boys,  and  drive  them 
away  from  the  show.  I  know  in  Virginia  all 
the  boys  wanted  to  run  away,  and  but  for  me 
the  state  wouldn't  have  boys  enough  to  grow 
up  and  shoot  the  negroes.  But  when  I  found 
boys  who  wanted  to  skip  away  from  home,  I 
would  give  them  a  job,  and  they  would  have 
slept  in  the  straw  with  the  horses,  and  eaten 
at  the  second  table  after  the  negroes  had  been 
fed,  if  they  could  only  shake  their  comfortable 
homes  and  loving  friends  and  join  a  traveling 
circus. 

Well,  I  always  gave  such  boys  a  job  water- 
ing the  camels,  and  after  they  had  carried 
water  from  daylight  till  dark,  and  had  seen  it 
disappear  down  a  camel,  and  the  camels 
grumbling  because  they  didn't  bring  water 
faster,  the  boys  would  ask  me  how  long  it 
took  to  fill  up  a  camel,  anyway.  I  would  tell 
them  that  if  they  kept  right  at  work,  the  cam- 
els ought  to  be  filled  up  full  along  in  the  fall. 
The  boys  would  reluctantly  resign.  Our 
camels  have  been  the  making  of  hundreds  of 
boys  by  their  tank-like  capacity  to  hold  water. 
One  boy  at  Richmond,  Va.,  got  it  on  me  by 

291 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

getting  a  section  of  fire  hose  and  hitching  it 
to  a  hydrant,  and  letting  the  water  run  into  a 
trough  at  the  camel  stand  in  the  menagerie, 
and  before  I  knew  it  the  camels  had  filled  up 
until  they  were  swelled  four  times  as  big  as 
they  ought  to  be.  Then  they  laid  down,  and 
couldn't  march  in  the  grand  entree,  and  pa 
sent  for  a  plumber  to  have  the  camels  fixed 
with  faucets.  That  boy  was  a  genius,  and  we 
kept  him  and  put  him  into  the  lemonade  priv- 
ilege. You  can  fill  a  camel  with  a  hydrant  all 
right,  but  if  you  bring  the  water  in  pails  he 
will  beat  the  game. 

I  remember  one  boy  at  Wilmington,  Del., 
who  insisted  on  going  along  with  the  show, 
'cause  his  mother  made  him  work  after  school, 
and  my  heart  was  touched,  'cause  I  know  how 
a  boy  hates  to  work  after  school,  so  I  gave  him 
a  job  sprinkling  insect  powder  on  the  buffa- 
loes, that  were  scratching  themselves  against 
the  tent  poles  so  much  that  I  felt  they  had 
something  alive  concealed  about  their  per- 
sons. That  boy  started  in  with  his  can  of  in- 
sect powder  on  a  buffalo  calf,  and  then  he  filled 
the  cow's  hair  full  of  the  powder,  and  when 
he  started  on  the  bull,  the  bull  took  a  sniff  of 
the  powder  on  the  cow,  and  got  it  up  his  nose, 

292 


The  Bull  Tossed  the  Boy  Through  the  Tent. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  he  held  his  head  up  kind  of  scared  like, 
and  turned  his  upper  lip  wrong-side  out,  and 
began  to  paw  the  ground.  Then  he  made  a 
charge  on  that  boy,  and  tossed  him  through 
the  tent,  and  I  looked  through  the  hole,  and 
saw  the  boy  scratching  gravel  towards  town. 
If  he  is  not  running  yet,  he  is  probably  doing 
chores  for  his  mother  both  before  and  after 
school. 

I  have  discouraged  most  of  the  boys  who 
wanted  to  run  away  and  go  with  the  show,  by 
giving  them  a  curry  comb  and  brush  and  tell- 
ing them  they  could  have  a  permanent  job 
currying  off  the  hyenas.  Most  boys  would  look 
sort  of  dubious  about  it,  but  would  think  it 
was  up  to  them  to  be  game,  and  they  would 
take  the  curry  comb  and  brush  all  right.  I 
would  take  them  to  the  cage,  and  tell  them  to 
just  talk  soothing  to  the  hyenas  through  the 
bars,  and  when  the  hyenas  began  to  get  tame 
and  act  as  though  it  would  give  them  pleasure 
to  be  curried  off,  and  laid  down  and  rolled 
over,  and  purred  like  a  cat  that  wanted  to  be 
scratched,  and  acted  as  though  they  would 
eat  out  of  one's  hand,  the  boys  might  call  me, 
and  I  would  have  the  cage  opened  and  they 
could  go  in  and  curry  them  off. 

294 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Well,  it  would  kill  you  dead  to  see  a  fool 
boy  side  up  to  a  hyena  cage  and  try  to  hypno- 
tize a  hyena  by  kind  words  and  a  pious  ex- 
ample, saying  soothing  words  like:  "Soo, 
boss,"  or  "O,  come  off  now,  and  be  a  good  fel- 
low," and  see  the  hyena  snarl  and  show  his 
teeth  like  an  anarchist  that  a  multi-million- 
aire might  try  to  tame  so  he  would  take  a  roll 
of  money  out  of  his  hand  without  biting  the 
hand.  I  have  had  boys  stand  in  front  of  a 
hyena  cage  with  a  curry-comb  and  brush  all 
day,  trying  to  get  on  good  terms  with  the  hy- 
enas, and  occasionally  the  hyenas  would  for- 
get to  snarl  and  the  boy  would  think  the  ani- 
mals were  beginning  to  weaken,  and  the  boy 
would  work  up  closer  to  the  cage,  and  say: 
"Pretty  pussy,"  and  hold  out  his  hand  and 
say:  "Good  fellow."  Then  the  whole  cageful 
of  hyenas  would  make  a  rush  for  him,  howl- 
ing, snapping  and  scratching,  with  their  bris- 
tles up,  and  the  boy  would  fall  backwards 
over  a  sacred  cow.  About  this  time  I  would 
come  along  and  ask  the  boy  if  he  had  got  the 
hyenas  curried,  'cause  if  he  had,  I  wanted  him 
to  curry  the  grave  robbers — the  jackals. 
Then  the  boy  would  reluctantly  give  up  his 
tools,  and  say  if  I    wanted    the    hyenas    and 

295 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

jackals  curried  off  I  could  do  it  myself.  I 
would  tell  them  they  would  never  do  for  the 
circus  business,  'cause  faint  heart  never  won 
fair  hyena.  Then  they  would  go  home  and 
sell  their  mother's  copper  boiler  to  get  money 
to  pay  their  way  in  the  show.  Gee,  but  I  have 
saved  lots  of  boys  from  a  circus  fate. 

Pa  has  an  awful  time  in  the  hospital,  '£ause 
twice  a  day  the  doctors  strip  him  and  pull  a 
mess  of  cactus  thorns  out  of  him,  and  he  yells 
and  don't  talk  very  pious.  The  doctor  told 
me  I  must  try  and  think  of  something  to  di- 
vert pa's  mind  from  his  suffering. 

So  I  got  some  telegraph  blanks  and  envel- 
opes, and  I  have  written  messages  from  the 
show  managers,  twice  a  day.  The  morning 
message  would  tell  about  the  business  of  the 
day  before,  and  how  they  missed  pa.  Then  I 
would  add  something  like  this:  "The  farmers 
around  Olathe  are  all  inquiring  for  you,"  or 
"The  farmers  around  Topeka  wish  you  were 
here,  'cause  they  want  to  give  you  a  recep- 
tion," or  "About  200  farmers  at  Parsons  think 
we  ought  to  let  them  in  free,  on  account  of  be- 
ing old  friends  of  yours."  The  last  one  broke 
pa  all  up.  The  message  said:  "Many  farmers 
from  Atchison  are  going  to  come  with  us  to 

296 


Pa  Jumped   Like  a  Box  Car« 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Kansas  City  to  confer  with  you  on  an  old  mat- 
ter of  business."  Pa  jumped  like  a  box  car  off 
the  track,  and  wanted  the  doctors  to  send  him 
to  a  hospital  at  St.  Louis,  and  he  told  the  doc- 
tors the  reason,  but  they  cheered  him  up  by 
saying  that  if  any  mob  came  to  the  hospital 
after  him,  they  would  hide  him  in  the  pickling 
vat,  and  make  the  mob  believe  he  was  dead. 
That  is  the  way  it  stands  now.  But  pa  is  not 
so  darn  happy  as  I  have  seen  him,  though  I 
try  to  do  all  I  can  to  keep  his  mind  off  his 
trouble.  I  tell  him  as  long  as  his  conscience 
is  clear,  he  is  all  right,  but  he  says:  "But,  Hen- 
nery, that's  the  trouble;  it  ain't  clear.  Well, 
let  us  have  peace,  at  any  price." 


298 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

Pa  Breaks  in  the  Zebras  and  Drives  a  Six- 
in-Hand  Team  in  the  Parade — The  Freaks 
Have  a  Narrow  Escape  from  Drowning. 

Pa  is  stuck  on  the  zebras.  I  do  not  know 
what  there  is  about  a  zebra  unless  it  is  the 
wall  paper  effects  of  his  exterior  decoration 
that  should  make  a  man  leave  all  the  other  an- 
imals and  cleave  unto  the  zebra,  but  pa  has 
been  putting  in  his  leisure  time  all  summer 
breaking  the  zebras  to  harness,  and  driving 
them  single  and  double  in  the  ring  Sundays. 

Everybody  about  the  show  knew  pa  was  go- 
ing to  spring  some  surprise  on  us.  I  have  tried 
to  reason  pa  out  of  his  unnatural  infatuation 
for  zebras,  but  you  might  as  well  talk  to  a  rich 
old  man  who  gets  stuck  on  a  chorus  girl,  and 
gives  her  all  his  money,  and  has  to  go  and  live 
at  the  poor  house. 

A  zebra  always  looks  to  me  like  a  joke  that 
nature  has  played.  Who,  but  nature,  would 
ever  think  of  laying  out  a  plan  for  a  zebra, 
and  painting  it  in  stripes,  like  a  barber's  pole, 
and  yet  we  must  admit  that  few  human  art- 

299 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ists  could  paint  a  million  zebras  and  get  the 
stripes  on  as  perfect  as  nature  does  with  her 
eyes  shut.  The  mule  and  the  zebra  are  distant 
relatives,  'cause  lots  of  mules  have  a  few 
stripes  on  their  legs,  but  the  zebra  is  the  eld- 
est son  who  is  aristocratic  and  inherits  the 
stuff,  while  the  mule  is  the  younger  son  who 
never  gets  a  look  in  for  the  money,  but  has  to 
work  for  a  living.  So  it  is  no  wonder  to  me 
that  the  mule  kicks.  The  zebra  is  the  dude  of 
the  family,  and  the  mule  looks  up  to  him, 
when  he  ought  to  kick  his  slats  in,  and  rub  out 
his  stripes  with  a  mule  shoe  eraser. 

While  pa  was  in  the  hospital  at  Kansas 
City  he  formed  a  plan  to  paralyze  the  town  by 
driving  six  zebras  to  a  tally-ho  coach,  in  the 
parade,  and  the  reporters  interviewed  pa,  and 
the  papers  were  full  of  it,  and  the  people  were 
wild  with  excitement,  and  everybody  wanted 
to  see  a  six-in-hand  zebra  team,  driven  by  Al- 
kali Ike,  one  of  the  greatest  western  stage 
drivers  that  was  ever  held  up  by  road  agents. 
Pa  was  to  be  Alkali  Ike.  The  show  struck 
Kansas  City  Sunday  morning,  and  the  man- 
agement was  scared  at  what  pa  had  adver- 
tised to  do,  and  they  all  wanted  to  call  off  the 
zebra  stunt,  but  pa  said  if  they  cut  it  out  the 

300 


There  Never  Was  Such  a  Runaway  Since  the  Days  of  Ben-Hur. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

people  would  mob  the  show,  so  all  day  Sun- 
day we  hooked  up  the  six  zebras,  and  the 
hands  led  them  around  the  tent  with  a  mule 
with  a  bell  on  ridden  in  the  lead.  They  seemed 
to  go  pretty  well,  but  I  could  see  pa's  finish 
when  he  got  out  on  the  streets  with  that  crazy 
team.  Pa  wanted  all  the  freaks  to  ride  on  the 
tally-ho,  and  he  had  invited  nine  newspaper 
fellows  to  ride  with  him.  Pa  thought  the  ze- 
bra team  would  follow  the  bell  mule  ahead, 
like  a  20-mule  borax  team  would. 

Well,  Monday  morning  the  parade  started, 
and  along  about  the  middle  of  the  parade,  just 
ahead  of  the  calliope,  was  pa  and  his  six  ze- 
bra team,  his  freaks  and  reporters,  and  pa  han- 
dled the  ribbons  like  a  pirate.  The  fat  woman 
sat  on  the  driver's  seat  with  pa,  for  ballast, 
and  the  rest  of  the  freaks  were  sandwiched  in 
between  the  reporters.  We  went  along  all 
right  for  half  a  mile,  the  circus  hands  walking 
beside  the  zebras,  to  kill  them  if  thev  tried  to 
jump  over  a  house,  while  I  rode  the  bell  mule. 
If  I  had  been  planning  the  zebra  business,  I 
would  have  picked  out  a  level  town  to  try  it 
on,  but  Kansas  City  is  all  hills  and  ravines, 
and  going  up  hill  the  zebras'  tally-ho  had  to 
be  pushed  by  a  couple  of  elephants,  'cause  the 

302 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

zebras  wouldn't  pull  the  load,  and  going  down 
hill  we  had  to  lock  the  wheels,  and  slide  down. 

When  we  got  on  the  main  street,  where  the 
crowd  filled  both  sides,  almost  up  to  the  team, 
and  the  people  began  to  cheer,  the  zebras  be- 
gan to  waltz  and  kick,  and  try  to  jump  over 
each  other,  but  the  hands  got  them  untangled, 
and  we  worried  along,  though  pa  was  pale, 
and  looked  like  a  man  smoking  a  cigar  while 
sitting  on  an  open  powder  keg.  The  fat  wo- 
man grabbed  pa  every  little  while,  and 
screamed  that  she  wanted  to  get  off  and  walk, 
but  pa  told  her  to  hush  up  and  try  to  be  a  man. 

Well,  as  we  were  going  down  hill,  by  a  park, 
near  the  Midland  hotel,  that  confounded  cal- 
liope had  got  right  up  behind  the  tally-ho,  and 
the  organist  cut  her  loose,  with  the  tune:  "A 
Life  on  the  Ocean  Wave."  Every  zebra 
jumped  into  the  air,  the  brake  footpiece  es- 
caped pa's  foot,  and  the  tally-ho  run  on  to 
the  heels  of  the  wheel  zebras,  and  it  was  all 
off.  There  never  was  such  a  runaway  since 
the  days  of  Ben  Hur.  Pa  had  presence  of 
mind  enough  to  make  the  fat  lady  get  down 
off  the  seat,  and  he  put  his  feet  on  her  to  hold 
her  down,  the  crowd  yelled,  and  our  zebras 
run  into  the  cage  ahead,  containing  the  behe* 

303 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

moth  of  Holy  Writ,  and  knocked  off  a  hind 
wheel,  and  every  wagon  ahead  was  either 
tipped  over  or  disabled.  The  people  fairly 
went  wild,  thinking  the  runaway  was  a  part 
of  the  show.  The  giant  fainted  from  fright, 
'cause  he  always  was  a  coward;  the  bearded 
woman  threw  her  arms  around  a  reporter,  and 
scratched  his  face  with  her  whiskers,  while 
the  Circassian  girl  got  her  white  wig  caught 
in  the  branch  of  a  tree  and  lost  it,  and  she  was 
as  bald  as  an  ostrich  egg.  Pa  took  out  the 
whip  and  larruped  the  zebras,  to  put  some 
new  stripes  on  them. 

When  we  passed  the  camels  they  thought 
they  were  in  the  race,  and  they  buckled  in  to 
keep  up,  and  the  chariot  horses  got  the  best  of 
the  drivers  and  they  joined  in.  My  mule  kept 
up  all  right,  and  we  went  down  the  hill  on  to 
the  level  ground  that  runs  to  the  Missouri 
river.  When  we  got  to  the  river  the  zebras 
turned  short  and  tipped  the  tally-ho  over  into 
the  water  and  the  whole  bunch  on  the  coach 
was  floundering  in  the  muddy  water;  but  there 
happened  to  be  a  sandbar  under  the  water, 
so  nobody  was  drowned,  though  we  had  to 
bail  out  the  fat  woman,  she  swallowed  so 
much  of  the    muddy    river.     The    giant    was 

304 


The  Zebras  Turned  Short  and  Tipped  the  Tally-ho  Over  Into 

the   Water. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

senseless  and  two  reporters  got  astride  of  him, 
thinking  it  was  a  rail,  and  drifted  ashore,  while 
pa  laid  on  his  back  and  floated  like  a  duck, 
and  when  we  got  him  out  we  found  he  had  a 
life-preserver  under  his  coat,  and  he  said  he 
put  it  on  because  he  had  a  hunch  that  those 
zebras  would  make  for  running  water  if  they 
ever  got  beyond  control.  Well,  the  crowd 
followed  down  to  the  river,  and  everybody 
was  rescued,  and  the  rest  of  the  parade  went 
over  the  route,  and  in  the  afternoon  the  tent 
was  so  full  there  were  thousands  standing  up. 

When  pa  came  into  the  main  tent  with  the 
zebras,  in  the  grand  parade  around  the  ring, 
the  crowd  gave  him  three  cheers,  which  prob- 
ably caused  the  management  to  refrain  from 
discharging  him  on  the  spot.  Pa  is  like  a 
cat,  'cause  he  always  falls  on  his  feet  all  right 
and  he  thinks  the  zebra  tally-ho  in  the  parade 
was  the  feature  that  caused  the  crowd  to  visit 
the  show;  but  he  says  he  will  never  drive  ze- 
bras again,  on  account  of  the  excitement. 

The  fat  woman  talks  of  having  pa  arrested 
for  breaking  one  of  her  ribs  when  he  held  her 
down  with  his  feet;  but  pa  says  his  feet  did 
not  sink  into  her  more  than  a  foot  or  so,  and 
he  couldn't  have  hit  a  rib,  nohow. 

306 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Well,  I'm  glad  to  be  back  in  the  showr 
'cause  there  is  more  going  on  than  there  was 
in  the  hospital,  where  I  put  in  a  week  while 
the  doctors  were  pulling  the  cactus  pin  feath- 
ers out  of  pa  that  grew  out  on  him  in  Indian 
Territory.  Gee,  but  if  I  had  to  leave  the  cir- 
cus business  and  go  back  to  school,  I  know  I 
should  die  of  lonesomeness. 

I  got  a  chance  to  talk  with  pa  at  supper,  and 
asked  him  if  he  was  really  crazy,  as  the  hands 
say  he  is,  and  how  he  liked  zebras,  anyway,  and 
he  said:  "Hennery,  zebras  are  just  people, 
they  stampede  just  like  politicians  and  bank- 
ers, and  business  men  generally,  and  never 
know  enough  to  let  well  enough  alone.  The 
mule  is  the  only  draft  animal  that  always  pulls 
straight  and  gets  there  right  side  up." 

If  I  was  going  to  run  a  circus  for  easy  mon- 
ey, and  a  picnic,  I  wouldn't  have  any  menag- 
erie connected  with  it,  'cause  the  animals 
make  more  trouble  than  all  the  rest  of  the 
show.  They  are  just  like  a  lot  of  children  in 
a  reform  school,  they  don't  want  to  work,  and 
they  are  just  looking  for  a  chance  to  fight 
when  your  back  is  turned,  or  to  escape.  They 
don't  know  where  they  would  go  if  they  did 
escape,  but  they    don't    want    anybody    over 

2P7 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

them,  to  teach  them  morals,  though  when 
meal  time  comes  the  reform  school  boys  and 
the  menagerie  animals  eat  like  tramps,  be- 
cause the  food  is  so  good,  and  then  kick  be- 
cause it  isn't  better.  If  your  performers  in 
the  circus  proper  do  not  suit  you  can  dis- 
charge them,  and  if  they  are  sick  you  can 
leave  them  in  a  hospital,  and  go  on  with  the 
show,  and  forget  about  them  until  they  show 
up  in  a  week  or  two,  pale  as  ghosts,  and  weak 
as  cats,  and  demand  back  salary;  but  your  an- 
imal has  to  be  taken  along  and  petted,  and 
when  you  give  him  medicine  to  save  his  life, 
he  will  try  to  bite  your  hand  off. 

And  yet  you  can't  help  getting  stuck  on  the 
animals,  and  a  man  gets  stuck  on  the  kind  of 
animal  that  is  most  like  him.  The  grizzly 
old  granger,  who  never  buttons  the  collar  of 
his  shirt,  and  whose  Adam's  apple  looks  like 
a  hen's  head,  will  stay  by  the  camels,  hours 
at  a  time,  the  pious  church  man  feels  at  home 
among  the  sacred  cattle,  the  strong-arm  hold- 
up man  will  linger  by  the  grizzly  bear,  the 
prize-fighter  will  haunt  the  lions'  den,  the  gar- 
roter  will  gaze  lovingly  at  the  tigers,  the  sneak 
thief  seems  to  love  the  hyenas,  and    the    big 

308 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

game  hunters  watch  the  deer  and  elk.  Some 
of  us  who  have  brains  love  the  monkeys,  they 
are  so  human. 


301; 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 

The  Rings  Are  So  Muddy  the  Performers 
Have  to  Wear  Rubber  Boots — The  Freaks 
Present  Pa  with  a  Big  Heart  of  Roses — The 
Show  Closes  and  the  Bad  Boy  Starts  West 
with  His  Pa  in  Search  of  Attractions  for 
the  Coming  Season. 

Well,  Missouri  is  the  state  to  teach  a  circus 
humility,  and  we  have  taken  the  thirty-third 
degree  in  the  last  ten  days.  It  has  rained  nine 
days  and  a  half  out  of  a  possible  ten  days,  and 
the  mud  is  something  we  never  dreamed  of 
before.  The  wagons  have  been  mired  in  the 
mud  on  the  way  from  the  train  to  the  lot  every 
day  in  the  streets  of  cities  big  enough  to  have 
street  cars  and  electric  lights.  The  cities 
have  one  or  two  main  streets  paved,  but  the 
rest  of  the  streets  are  just  virgin  soil,  and  you 
have  got  to  swim  to  get  to  the  paved  streets. 
When  you  start  away  for  the  lot,  it  is  like 
Washington  crossing  the  Delaware. 

And  yet  the  people  come  from  miles  around 
to  see  the  show,  and  everybody  rides  a  web- 
footed  mule,  that    can    wallow  in    the    mud. 

310 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

They  hitch  the  mules  to  fences  outside  the 
tent,  and  while  the  performance  is  going-  on 
the  mules  bray  in  concert  and  drown  the  band. 

Pa  has  been  wild  ever  since  we  struck  Mis- 
souri, and  no  wonder,  'cause  everybody  seems 
to  lay  everything  in  the  way  of  weather  on 
him.  Every  place  we  show  the  lot  is  one  sea 
of  mud,  and  when  we  get  the  rings  made  they 
seem  like  a  chain  of  lakes,  and  in  .galloping 
around  the  rings  the  horses  splash  mud  and 
water  clear  to  the  reserved  seats.  The  riders 
of  the  horses  have  to  come  out  in  rubber  hunt- 
ing boots  and  when  they  get  on  the  horses 
we  have  to  pull  their  boots  off  and  hold  them 
until  the  act  is  over,  then  the  riders  sit  on  the 
horses  and  pull  the  boots  on  and  get  down  in 
the  mud  of  the  ring  and  bow  to  the  audience. 

The  woman  riders  are  the  worst  to  wear 
rubber  boots,  'cause  they  fall  down  in  the  mud 
and  spoil  their  dresses  and  kick  scandalous. 
The  trapeze  performers  have  to  be  carried  out 
of  the  dressing  room  on  stretchers,  and  hoist- 
ed up  to  the  net,  'cause  they  can't  do  stunts  up 
on  the  trapeze  with  wet  feet,  and  we  have 
worked  ourselves  to  death  getting  things  in 
shape. 

The  confounded  elephants   just  glory  in  the 

3ii 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

mud,  and  the  minute  they  get  in  the  ring  they 
all  lay  down  and  roll  in  the  mud  and  water,  so 
when  they  are  ready  to  do  their  act  they  look 
like  walking  mud  pies.    The  freaks  are  awful 
to  handle,  the  giant  being  the  only  one  that  can 
wade  through  and  look  pleasant,  and  the  fat 
woman  would  make  you  weary,  she  has  to  be 
carried  back  and  forth  to  the  platform  by  half 
a  force  of  hands.     Pa  has  had  shawl  straps 
and  coffin  handles  fastened  to  her  clothes,  so 
there  will  be  something  to  grab    hold    of    to 
move  her  around.     I  don't  think  that  another 
year  we  will  have  any  fat  woman,  'cause  pa 
says  it  costs  more  to  get  this  500-pound  fe- 
male from  one  place  to  another  than  all  the 
rest  of  the  show.     He  thinks  that  people  who 
visit  the  show  don't  care  much  about  a  fat 
woman  anyway,  but  just  guy  her  and  ask  her 
what  kind  of  breakfast  food  she  lives  on.    He 
thinks  if  we  had  three  reasonably  fat  women 
that  weighed    about    200    pounds    apiece,    it 
would  give  better  satisfaction  and  they  would 
be  easier  to  handle;  but  when  she  heard  what 
pa  said  and  felt  that  she  was  going  to  be  shook 
next  year  she  began  to  cry,  and  it  was  like 
turning  on  water  in  a  bathtub.     Pa  had  to 

312 


J  Will  Search  for  the  Wildest  of  Red  Met* 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

pet  her  and  then  the  bearded  woman  got 
jealous. 

At  Jefferson  City  there  came  a  cold  wave 
and  everything  was  froze  stiff,  and  you  could 
skate  in  the  rings,  and  the  management  de- 
cided to  get  to  St.  Louis  and  send  the  show  to 
winter  quarters,  and  organize  for  next  sea- 
son. So  we  have  had  a  time  closing  up  for 
the  season,  and  sending  the  animals  to  the 
barns  on  our  farm  up  north,  and  discharging 
and  paying  off  the  performers  and  bidding 
everybody  good-by.  We  have  bought  pres- 
ents for  everybody,  and  it  has  been  a  picnic. 

Pa  had  a  big  heart,  with  roses  all  around 
it,  made  of  a  horse  collar,  covered  with  flow- 
ers, which  came  from  the  freaks,  and 
the  performers  remembered  him  with  pres- 
ents, and  pa  gave  everybody  something, 
and  everybody  got  together  in  the  main  tent 
and  made  speeches. 

The  manager  thanked  everybody  and 
promised  that  next  year  we  would  have  the 
greatest  show  on  earth.  He  said  the  man- 
agement had  decided  that  what  we  lacked 
this  year  was  a  wild  west  show,  as  the  people 
everywhere  seemed  to  dote  on  busting  bron- 
cos, and  roping  cattle,  and  chasing  buffaloes 

314 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

and  seeing  Indians  and  rough  riders  chase  up 
and  down  the  arena.  He  felt  that  in  justice 
to  our  rough-riding  president,  it  was  proper 
to  have  a  wild  west  show  that  would  make 
things  hum  next  year.  He  said  he  took 
pleasure  in  informing  the  people  of  the  show 
that  pa  had  been  commissioned  to  go  out  west 
at  once  and  secure  the  Indians  and  cowboys, 
horses  that  buck  and  bounce  off  the  riders, 
cattle  that  would  stand  it  to  be  lassoed  and 
thrown  down  for  the  amusement  of  the  pub- 
lic, buffaloes  that  would  bellow  and  act  like 
old  times  on  the  plains,  stage  coaches  and 
robbers,  and  he  promised  that  next  year  they 
would  have  no  cause  to  be  ashamed  of  the 
show.  He  said  pa  was  authorized  to  spare 
no  expense  to  round  up  a  wild  west  show  sec- 
ond to  none.  The  performers  and  hands 
cheered  the  manager,  and  then  they  yelled  for 
pa  for  a  speech. 

Pa  got  up  on  the  tub  that  the  elephants 
stand  on,  and  said  that  it  was  true  what  the 
manager  said  about  a  wild  west  show,  and 
that  he  was  proud  of  the  confidence  reposed  in 
him.  He  should  be  glad  to  take  an  expedi- 
tion and  go  out  into  the  far  west  and  beard 
the  wild  west  Indian  in  his  tepee  and  engage 

315 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Indians  by  the  hundred  to  come  with  us  next 
year.     He  would  pierce  the  wilderness  of  the 
west  in  search  of  the   wildest    red    men    and 
would  hunt  the  cowboy  in  his  lair  and  secure 
those  who  could  make  the  most  trouble  for 
cattle  and  horses  and  shoot  up  an  audience  if 
necessary  to  keep  the  peace,  and  he  would  buy 
buffaloes  enough  so    every    performer    could 
ride  one  if  he  wanted  to.     He  said  while  we 
had  this  year  had  some  attempts  at  a  wild 
west  department  in  our  show,  it  was  only  a 
tame  imitation  of  what  we  would  have  next 
year,  and  he  wanted  them  all  to  pray  for  him, 
that  he  might  come  out  of  the  wild  far  west 
without  being  killed.    He  said  he  should  take 
Hennery  along  with  him  as  a  mascot,  and  if 
the  worst  came  he  could  trade  me  to  an  Indian 
tribe  for  ponies,  or  leave  me  as  a  hostage  with 
some  tribe  until  he  returned  the  Indians  at 
the  close  of  next  season.     Pa  closed  his  re- 
marks by  hoping  that  nothing  had  occurred 
during  the  past  season  that  would  cause  any- 
body to  have  it  in  for  him,  'cause  he  had  tried 
to  be  impartial  in  his  cussedness,  and  while 
he  felt  that  he  had  been  considered  an  inter- 
loper in  the  profession  at  first,  he  had  found 
that  everybody  looked  upon  him  later  in  the 

316 


They  Tossed  Pa  Up  in  the  Blanket. 


PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

season  as  the  main  guy  in  the  show,  and  that 
all  had  felt  at  liberty  to  give  it  to  him  in  the 
neck  on  every  proper  occasion  and  he  felt  that 
he  had  taken  his  medicine  like  a  thorough- 
bred. 

They  gave  three  cheers  for  pa,  and  then  they 
brought  in  the  blankets  and  tossed  everybody 
up  until  they  lost  everything  out  of  their 
pockets  and  yelled  that  they  had  enough,  and 
they  wound  up  by  tossing  pa  up  in  the  blan- 
ket until  he  could  see  stars.  They  were  going 
to  give  the  fat  woman  a  hoist,  when  the  boss 
canvasman  gave  the  signal  to  take  down  the 
tents,  and  all  was  in  a  hubbub  for  about  15 
minutes. 

When  everything  was  down  and  everybody 
went  to  the  train,  after  joining  hands  around 
the  middle  ring  and  singing  "Old  Lang  Sine," 
pa  and  I  and  the  managers  went  to  a  hotel  to 
organize  our  expedition  to  the  far  west  in 
search  of  talent  for  a  wild  west  show  that  shall 
be  the  greatest  ever  put  under  canvas.  After 
all  had  gone  away,  and  only  pa  and  I  and  the 
managers  were  left,  it  seemed,  as  we  thought 
over  the  incidents  of  the  past  season,  as  though 
there  had  been  an  earthquake  and  the  whole 
show  had  been  blotted  out  of  existence. 

3i8 


WITH  THE  CIRCUS 

Pa  choked  up  and  was  going  to  cry,  and  I 
got  my  throat  full  of  something  so  I  could  not 
speak,  and  the  managers  began  to  wipe  their 
eyes,  and  pa  saved  the  day  by  saying:  "Oh, 
what's  the  use,  let's  order  up  some  highballs," 
and  when  they  came,  with  a  red  lemonade  for 
me,  pa  said:  "Well,  here's  to  the  people  that 
crowd  around  the  ticket  wagon  and  fight  to 
get  the  first  ticket  when  the  window  is  open, 
and  go  away  after  the  show  and  say  it  is  the 
greatest  show  ever." 

"Hey  Rube!"  said  the  manager,  and  we 
drank  standing,  and  pa  went  out  and  bought 
tickets  for  Cheyenne,  and  some  beads  to  give 
to  the  Indians  we  shall  visit  in  the  west. 


319 


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